See You in the Dark

I frowned as noise in the silent room woke me up. It was a soft shuffling noise that was being done as quietly as possible. I smiled slightly, despite being woken up at 4 in the morning. I rolled over in bed silently and watched Nick walk across the dark room. We had left the curtains open and the moonlight flooded in and outlined his form. I watched as he went and sat in the window seat and looked out the window. I wanted to ask what he was doing, what he was thinking. But I just wanted to watch him for a while. I couldn’t see him properly, but I could see his curls and profile outlined by white light. I smiled softly and wondered how I could possibly be lucky enough to have Nick in my life. I wanted him to come back to bed so I could hold him, but he looked so perfect framed in the window, that I just wanted to look at him for the rest of my life.

I sat up silently, managing not to disturb him. I brought my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my knees. I laid my cheek on my knee as I turned my head to keep Nick in my view. I don’t know how much time past as I sat there watching him, it all seemed to roll into one short minute.

Then, in a heart stopping moment, I realised that he had tears on his cheeks, which were glistening in the moonlight like diamonds. I was instantly out of bed and walking towards him. Nick lowered his head so I knew he knew I was up. I stood next to him, but I suddenly found I didn't know what to say. Obviously, I wanted to make sure he was okay, to see why he was crying, but no words came out. Instead, I moved closer to him, knelt next to him, and wrapped my arms around him. He was shaking slightly and I realised then that he must have been trying hard not to cry earlier. I closed my eyes as I held him, gently running my hands through his soft hair. "Nicky? What's wrong, baby?" I asked him, my voice soft. Nick just turned into my chest further, hiding himself completely. I knew he was still crying silently so I didn't push him to speak. Instead, I looped my arms around his shoulders and under his knees and lifted him into my arms. I carried him back over to the bed and I sat down, pulling him into my lap. I rocked him backwards and forwards gently, kissing his forehead once in a while, trying to calm him down.

"We're going to hell, aren’t we?" he whispered and I tensed. I didn't know how to respond, but thankfully, Nick wasn't done. "I love you so much, Joe. It's not fair that we're punished for loving each other."

"I know, baby," I whispered back as I closed my eyes to hold in my tears. "But life isn’t fair. You know that..." Nick nodded into Joe's chest.

"I wish that I could have one part of my life that's normal..." Nick whispered. "One part of my life that normal people could relate to..." I didn't know how to react. Was Nick saying that he wished they weren’t together? That Nick could be more normal and accepted by people if they weren’t together?

"Nick..." I choked. "If...if you don’t...you just have to say..." Nick immediately lifted his head and looked into my eyes. I could see his panic.

"No! Joe that's not what I meant at all," Nick said quickly. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I wouldn’t want this any other way. I Just wish that we could be...together publicly. With people accepting us."

"I know," I said softly. "I know."

"Do you think Kevin will accept us?" Nick asked. "Or mum and dad?"

"I don’t know," I said. "I think Kevin would be easier than mum and dad."

"I'm scared, Joe," Nick said and I frowned and tightened my grip around him.

"Me, too," I whispered against his neck.

"What if someone finds out about us?" Nick asked and my heart skipped a beat. That was the worst thing that could possibly happen to us. Firstly, I'd go to prison for sleeping with a minor. Most of the blame would probably rest on me, though. People would believe I forced Nick, or something just as disgusting as that. But I knew Nick would defend me, meaning that both of us would be judged as mentally ill. Because a person must be ill if they are in love with their brother, right?

"They won't," I whispered back. "We're too clever, Nicky. No one will ever suspect a thing. If Kevin hasn’t suspected anything yet, then the public won't."

"But-"

"Don't worry, Nicky," I whispered, cutting him off. "You're safe. We're safe."