I Was Counting on Forever

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Oh, now I'll never know
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

Oh, this is just a dream
Just a dream
Yeah, Yeah
- carrie underwood -this just a dream

" Liz honey you here." Jen called
" Of course she's here Jen. She never leaves the house." Kevin replied
" Shut up Kev she can hear you"

Jen was right I could hear them, but just barely. I was just laying on the bed.

i heard the door to my bedroom creek indicating they were coming in. I looked up at them and put on a fake smile.

" hey Liz you okay?" Jen asked

She and everybody else knew the answer to that question. They all know I'm not fine nor will i ever be fine.

" yeah couldn't be better." was my reply but i knew i could be better alot better but i choose not to.

" you sure?" Kev asked
" yeah I'm sure." i snap at Kevin and immediately feel guilty i try to apologize but he just shakes his head indicating its fine.

I knew why they were here to comfort me but honestly i just want to be alone. But still they come every weekend to check on me and tell me about their week.

i start to get off my bed. No OUR bed. The bed We (Jack and I) made love on countless of times. The bed we exchanged our 'i Love yous' before falling asleep in each other's arms. This is not My bed, it's OUR bed.

I head into the living room with Jen and Kevin. Kevin sits on the couch while i sit on the rug with Jen. He flips the T.V on like every Saturday night.

They're the best friends I could ask for. They've been with me through everything.

Jen or for people who don't know her Jennifer has been my best friend since I was five. And Kevin joined us at the ripe age of ten. I love them like I would love my brother or sister had I ever had one. They would help and and protect me through any as i would do the same for them.

BOOM!!!!!!!

The sound of a bomb on T.V is what startled me out of my thoughts. i looked up and wish i never did. there on the T.V was a picture of the happenings of the Iraq war. i couldn't remember how long it's been since i watched T.V but i know it was for the reason of seeing something like this.

"TURN IT OFF!!TURN IT OFF!!!!!!OH GOD TURN IT OFF!!!" i screamed in a sob as i balled myself into the fetal position.

Jen was at my side in less than three seconds screaming at Kevin to change the channel.

"it's okay Liz. honey it's gonna be okay."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxooxoxoxxooxoxxooxoxoxo

" Do you guys remember the time me and Jack were playing golf." Kevin asked laughing while trying to lighten the mood.

" oh god. the poor man Kev. you hit him the balls. that poor old man." i said laughing

" it was my fault Jack moved my which move the put and hit the ball the wrong way."

I realized something that moment and i just had to voice it.

" he's not coming back is he Kev?" i asked

"no he's not." he replied sadly

"he promised he would be at my wedding and walk me down the aisle since Charlie passed." Jen cried

" he promised he would be the godfather to the first kid me and Julie would have." Kevin sobbed

Right now we were sharing things would never happen since jack's passing. i thought maybe i should contribute to.

"me and jack were trying to have kids before he died." i said in a strangled sob

" Oh honey we didn't know." Jen said trough tears
"no one did." i cried out knowing I'd never have kids with jack.

Jen and Kevin came towards me and we hugged each other and cried as if we'd never stop.
and for some strange reason i felt like jack was there watching us with disappointment at us for crying over him.