You're Not in This Alone

When I woke up, I smiled. The sun’s warmth was soaking into my skin. I was in a very soft bed. Gerard’s arms were around me. And then I remembered that it was June 29th, and the world had just ended. Gerard and I were only seventeen, and we were basically responsible for eight kids of fifteen and under, with the help of only two sixteen year olds and two nineteen year olds. And Gerard was hiding something very important from me. My smile quickly changed to a frown.

“Don’t scowl,” Gerard pleaded quietly. Obviously he had been awake and watching me.

“I can’t help it,” I replied.

“Try,” he begged. “You looked so peaceful while you were sleeping. Why can’t you stay that way?”

“Because we have kids to feed,” I retorted irritably.

“Relax,” he soothed. “Shelby, Leo, Lance, and Tristan are taking care of breakfast. Miranda and Nadia are helping Faith move her horses and dog here. The rest are just fine.”

I tried to follow his advice by calming down. “Okay,” I allowed. “So we have help now. It’s going to be alright.”

“No one’s going to go hungry,” he assured me.

We got up, got dressed, and prepared for another day. When we got out of the house, I saw a new structure built outside Faith, Tristan, Jason, and Grace’s house. It was a small barn with a pasture alongside it. Two horses, one black and one bay, stood within the fencing.

Faith was throwing a ball to an energetic chocolate Labrador Retriever. Jason and Grace, hand in hand, were standing outside the fence. Grace’s outstretched hand caressed the black horse’s muzzle lightly. She didn’t look troubled at all.

Lance’s voice boomed in our heads. Breakfast! Everyone made their way to the supply house.

While we ate, I proposed my idea to go to the beach for the day. Mostly everyone seemed energetic. Miranda volunteered the beach of her aunt’s private island off of Hawaii. Even more people were excited about that.

So, after breakfast, we packed coolers full of lunch, gathered beach supplied, and then appeared in a tropical island far, far away.

Everyone took their positions casually. Gerard and I lay on towels next to Faith and Tristan, soaking up the sun. Sarah, Skyler, Nadia, and Ethan set to work on a sand castle. Lance and Miranda sat with their legs in the lapping waves. Jason walked Grace down the beach, and I watched in shock as Leo ran towards the water.

His clothes stuck to his body before fur burst from his skin and his shape changed. As a lion, he bounded into the ocean. Shelby followed in human form until she hit the water. All I saw was a flash of silver scales, and then she was gone. Leo’s fur soon disappeared in the water, too. We didn’t see them for hours, unless you include glimpses in the distance of the splash a dolphin makes when it jumps out of the water.

Everything was very peaceful. The island wasn’t too small, and vegetation surrounded the house placed in the center. The water was clear, and the sand was soft. It was perfect.

When Jason and Grace returned from their walk, I examined them closely. Grace didn’t seem nearly as disturbed or upset. Although she still barely smiled and never spoke once, her eyes didn’t stare at nobody; they stayed on the ground, and she seemed alert of the physical world.

“I’m going to try to talk to her,” I whispered to Gerard. He nodded, but he didn’t look particularly pleased that I was leaving him, but he knew it was necessary. I approached the two newcomers calmly.

I was greeted with two generous smiled. “Hey, Ebony,” Jason said.

“Hey, Jason and Grace. Are you having fun?”

“You bet,” Jason replied. Grace just continued to smile at me.

“Do you think this is a good time to talk, Grace?” I asked, directing my question at her alone.

To my surprise, she nodded responsively. When she looked at Jason, he smiled encouragingly and let go of her hand.

We started to walk down the beach, away from everyone. I knew it would be impossible to be out of earshot from Sarah, but I figured some distance would help. Besides, she was distracted, and I knew she tried not to hear private conversations.

Eventually we came to a huge pile of boulders. I sat on one of the smaller ones, and Grace sat across from me. We stared out at the waves for a few minutes before I said, “It’s perfect here.” Grace didn’t answer, so I prodded, “Are there other people here that I can’t see?”

“Not many,” she said. It was the first time I’d heard her speak. Her voice was high and soft with a dreamy quality to it. It went along well with her tentative, pensive personality.

“I could tell you weren’t as preoccupied,” I admitted. “What is it like when you see them?”

“I don’t really see anything at all. Ever,” she tried to explain. “These eyes… they feel almost completely useless. I don’t see colors or shapes or beauty. Not the way you do. I know they way normal humans see things. I’ve seen it through a spirit’s eyes many times. It’s a strict, limited kind of sight.”

“How I see is more like how you feel than anything,” Grace continued. “It’s a different sense. It’s more of a feeling, a sureness… a kind of knowing of shapes and figures. The spirits… They’re just softer figures.”

“I know this other sense you’re talking about,” I told her. “I feel the presence of people even if I can’t see them. I know who they are. I don’t feel dead people in the same way; it’s more of a weak echo, a leftover piece of emotion.”

She nodded.

“So you can’t see the ocean right now?” I asked gently. “Even though your eyes are looking in that direction, you don’t see its rich blue shade?”

“No,” she replied almost sharply. “My eyes are something I’ve learned to control to keep myself from standing out any more than I already do. In reality, in your world, I am blind.” She dropped her eyes in shame. I saw her black irises turning glassy.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“I can’t see the blue of the sky, the brightness of the sun, or… or Jason’s face.” A sob escaped her delicate chest. “He tries to understand. He tries so hard to help. He wishes he could make the spirits go away, make them leave me alone. But he can’t. They aren’t a concept he can truly understand.”

I got up and sat next to her on her rock, draping my arm around her shoulders. “I understand, almost,” I soothed. “We’re all so different, all of us that are left. Maybe, if we all spend enough time together, it’ll be easier to understand each other.”

She leaned into me but didn’t say anything.

“You and Jason…” I probed. “You have a unique relationship.”

“Jason is the only one that’s ever cared. He’s never been scared of me like everyone else was. He’s always helped me, tried to understand. I always wondered why he didn’t go and play with the other kids. When I got the nerve to ask him, he said he didn’t belong with the other kids. He belongs with me. I can’t live without him. We tell each other everything, but I can never tell him exactly what the spirits say.”

“Oh, Grace,” I murmured. “I know how it feels when there’s something you can’t control between you and the person you love.”

A violent sob ripped through her. “Yes,” she cried. “Love.”