You're Not in This Alone

I stroked Grace’s beautiful red hair. “Please don’t cry,” I murmured. “I knew it’s hard, but we’ve all got to be strong. There’s a reason we’re left on this earth. We didn’t live by chance. And we’re all here together.”

“You must think I’m so naïve,” Grace whimpered. “You must think I’m too young to feel this way, but you’re wrong. I know how I feel.”

I laughed. “Oh, Grace, you’ve got it backwards. I was in love with Gerard when I was much younger than you. My mom always told me it was just a crush and that I would get over it, but she was way wrong. And look at Lance and Miranda. They’re only a year older than you.”

Grace didn’t answer, but I knew she felt a little bit better.

“Love doesn’t give a damn about how old you are,” I assured her, believing strong language was necessary to get my point across.

She leaned into me harder and whispered, “But Lance loves Miranda back, and Gerard loves you back.”

I opened my mouth to reply.

She interrupted, “No, don’t even say that. I know Jason cares about me, but I don’t think we can ever be as close as you and Gerard. We’re too different. There’s too much caught up between us.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “You’re wrong,” I breathed. “I’m going to tell you something no one else knows about.” Was I really going to do this? Was I going to spill all my secrets to a fourteen year old girl I’d just become close to, only to make her feel better? I knew I had to.

“There’s more to Gerard and I than what meets the eye. There are things caught up between us that we can’t control either,” I admitted. She leaned in curiously, her tears suddenly stopping. She was entranced by my confession.

“You’re not in this alone,” I continued. “I know how you feel. You know that Gerard has dreams that are more than just dreams, right? Sometimes they tell him about things that have already happened, but usually they tell him what’s going to happen.”

“The night before the world ended, he had a dream about it. He came into my room that night and told me everyone was going to die. He knew what would happen, and he didn’t shed a single tear, even after the horrible things he’s seen. Since then he’s been having a reoccurring nightmare.”

“Usually his dreams are clear and easy to understand, but at first all he dreamt about was fire. He would complain in his sleep that it was too hot; that he was burning. He didn’t know when or what it was about.”

“Then two nights ago, he had the dream again. This time I know he saw more and understood all of it. When I finally woke him up, Grace, he was crying. It must have been really bad. And he won’t tell me what he saw. He can’t. I’m not even physically able to ask. So now I’m scared, and he’s acting different, and I miss how we used to be.”

Grace’s eyes were wide with innocence and sympathy. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly, murmuring, “I’m sorry, Ebony. I didn’t know.”

I felt tears pooling in my eyes, but I forced them not to spill over. I was supposed to be the one comforting, not Grace. How had the tables turned so quickly?

“No, I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I shouldn’t have told you this. I shouldn’t have put this on you. I just felt like knowing this would help you. I didn’t know I’d act like this.”

“I’m glad you told me,” she assured me. “It does help, and this isn’t something you can keep to yourself. You needed to tell someone.”

“I should’ve told someone older, then,” I amended. “I’m sure you have enough to worry about.”

“Ages don’t matter in this world anymore. We all must be older on the inside by now. Have you seen Sarah? Sure, she’s just a little girl, and sometimes she acts like it, but I can just tell she has more life experience than some adults did,” Grace pointed out. “No, I was the best person to tell. We can help each other out now.”

“How?” I asked miserably.

Laughing, she replied, “Well, this girl three years younger than you is going to give you relationship advice. I think this thing Gerard can’t tell you must be very bad. I don’t even want to guess at what it is out loud. But Gerard must know it’s in your best interest not to tell you, because you’re the most important person to him. Maybe you should just… use it to bring you closer. Instead of letting it break you apart, make it stick you two together.”

I blinked at her. I didn’t know if what she was suggesting would work. “I’ll try,” I promised. “And you… you need to find a time to tell Jason how you feel. Maybe even showing him would be enough.” I felt her tense. “Don’t panic,” I continued. “You don’t have to do it right away. Wait for the right time. You’ll know when that is.”

Slowly, she relaxed. “I’ll try. I trust you. I haven’t ever trusted anyone but Jason. It feels nice.”

I hugged her one more time. “I’m glad,” I said. “Now let’s walk back. They’ll be eating lunch soon, and I bet Gerard and Jason are wondering where we are.”

She nodded, and we began our walk back down the beach. To break the silence, I asked a question that had been nagging in the back of my mind for a while. “How do the spirits tell you things? What do they say?”

Grace didn’t answer for a long time. “The body is like a wall or a shell,” she began. “Once it’s cracked open, so to speak, and the spirit is free, the spirit’s memories, thoughts, and emotions leak out. When a person dies, their spirit is released until they choose to move on the next place; I don’t know where that is, but that’s the best I can explain it. They don’t tell me things willingly. I just see everything they saw and feel everything they felt. Everything from their whole life.”

I suppressed a shudder. I couldn’t imaging the things Grace had seen. All the violence, crime, evil, and hatred of the world laid out neatly in from of her. No wonder she was so distracted all the time. But then something else occurred to me. “Then of course you know what love feels like,” I concluded.

“I know what everything feels like,” she assured me bitterly.

Curiosity overcame me. “What does it feel like to die?” I inquired.

Grace frowned. “For those that die peacefully, it only hurts a little. It’s just a… tearing feeling. And then it’s gone. All the senses are pretty much muddled until the spirits move on. For those who die violently… death is an exhilarating release from pain.”

“So you know what sight is like if you’ve seen through other people’s eyes.”

Grace nodded. “But it’s not the same,” she replied.

I nodded in agreement, but I didn’t ask any more questions. We were approaching our group of survivors, who were eating like we’d expected. Gerard and Jason detached themselves from the group and walked to meet us.

Gerard greeted me with a peck on the lips, but I surprised him and leaned in for a longer kiss. I laced my fingers around his. Jason touched Grace’s elbow lightly, and she smiled at him.

“I’ll talk to you later, Grace,” I said.

She smiled. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Jason looked surprised, and Gerard’s eyes widened. It must’ve been the first time Gerard has heard her speak.

After we’d finished eating and were lying in the sand alone, he asked me, “How did you make her talk, and what did you talk about?”

I shook my head. “I’ve got my hands full with these kids.”