You're Not in This Alone

When I opened my eyes, Gerard was wide awake. The sun had almost risen, but he didn’t look like he’d gotten a minute of sleep. His eyes were bloodshot and had bags under them, and his eyelids drooped tiredly. He was holding my hand, but otherwise he wasn’t touching me.

“Did you sleep at all?” I hissed, trying to sound angry to cover up my intense worry.

“Not really,” he replied grimly. “I tried for a bit.”

“Nightmares?” I guessed.

I knew by the look on his face that I was right. “They’re not nightmares, they’re very real,” he clarified. Suddenly he was close to me, and his fingers were tracing my face. He closed his eyes, and he looked like he was concentrating. His behavior disturbed me.

“Gerard…” I breathed.

“I can’t tell you,” he moaned.

Anyone who didn’t know him would’ve thought he was looking for sympathy. I knew him better than that, but I didn’t know what he did want. “Look,” I said sharply, grabbing his hands, “I don’t know what your problem is, but you better either suck it up or at least stop moaning about it. You’re scaring me.”

His eyes shot open in surprise.

“And try to get some sleep tonight,” I added more softly.

Gerard kissed my cheek and murmured, “Thank you. This is why I love you.”

His moods were changing so quickly that I couldn’t keep up. I ignored his last comment and got out of bed. “We’re the first ones up,” I declared. “Let’s go start breakfast.”

We got dressed, and his mood lightened when I said, “I think we should go shopping for stuff to wear to my party today. We should make it formal; I can take the girls to find dresses, and you and the guys could find suits.”

He smiled. “Sound good.”

We started making scrambled eggs on the stove. I realized that we were almost out of the eggs we had stocked, and it wasn’t a matter of going to the store to get more. The rest of the eggs would probably go bad soon, and so would the milk. The meat would probably last another few months.

“We should get chickens,” I said. “And maybe cows, too.”

Gerard looked thoughtful. “We should get pigs,” he added. “And other animals. I bet Tristan and Faith would know how to take care of them.”

“We’ll ask when they wake up,” I suggested. People began to file into the kitchen sleepily. When Faith and Tristan arrived, we asked them about livestock. They agreed that we should get started right away. Miranda said she would help them build a barn… or move one.

Jason and Grace were the last to arrive. Grace seemed almost as focused on her surroundings as she’d been at the beach. As we served breakfast, we began discussing livestock and shopping as a group in New York City.

I could tell that Jason was uneasy about the boys and girls splitting up. “Are you okay with that, Grace?” he asked her. “We’re shopping in the city. Will you be alright?”

“I’ll stay with Ebony,” she said shortly. Many people around the table looked surprised. She hadn’t spoken in front of them yet.

I saw a flash of envy in Jason’s eyes before he looked ashamed for it and replied to Grace, “Okay.”

Suddenly Grace turned her gaze to the empty doorway of the kitchen. “Hello,” she whispered.

I felt exposed. She saw someone none of the rest of us could.

“Grace?” Jason asked gently. “Is something wrong?”

Grace closed her eyes while the rest of us stared at her. “Everyone else has left, but you remain,” she said in a strange, detached voice. “Why?” She wasn’t speaking to us.

“Grace,” Jason said more urgently, squeezing her hand. “Don’t let it tell you things you don’t want to know.”

Grace shook him away violently and hissed, “She wants to tell. I need to know. But there’s too many people here.” She stood and started walked towards the doorway.

Jason followed her. “Ebony and Gerard, come and help,” he begged.

We stood. “No. Gerard can’t come. Lance has to,” Grace said.

Jason opened his mouth to protest, but I knew we had to do what she asked. “Listen to her,” I said forcefully.

Grace started walking again, and Lance hurried out of his chair, dumbfounded. We followed Grace as she practically ran out of the house and into the yard. Finally she stumbled and fell. Jason almost didn’t get to her in time to catch her.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he murmured to her as he held her in his lap in the dry grass.

“Nothing,” Grace replied. “She’s the only one left in this town. The rest have all moved on. She came to find me.”

“This happens sometimes,” Jason tried to explain to me and Lance. “One of the spirits realizes what she is and tries to talk to her. They try to tell her something, but they end up showing her everything that ever happened to them. Grace can’t turn them away.”

Grace grabbed Jason’s wrist so tightly her nails dug into his skin. “Look, it’s starting,” he said.

Grace lay absolutely still for almost five minutes before she collapsed into Jason’s lap. She breathed heavily for a minute before he asked, “Is she gone?”

“She moved on,” she confirmed, rolling off of him and taking his arm. “I’m sorry,” she apologized, looking horrified at the blood oozing from the cots her nails had made. “You shouldn’t have let me do this to you.”

“It’s okay,” he soothed. “What did she want?”

Grace let go of Jason and stood up, looking at Lance. “She was Lance’s mother. She wanted him to know she always loved him even though she never understood him. She said ‘Look out!” but it wasn’t to Lance, and she was already leaving, so I don’t know who she meant it for.”

“It was my mom?” Lance breathed.

I didn’t hear the rest of their conversation. Grace must have asked me to come with them for a reason, even if she didn’t know what it was. I knew Lance’s mother’s warning was meant for me.

The next thing I heard was Grace saying, “After we clean up Jason’s cuts, can we go shopping?”