You're Not in This Alone

When I walked into Grace and Jason’s room, it was impossible not to notice the two dominating feelings. One was slight anger, and the other was fear. It was a wild terror that made it hard for me to breathe and forced me to stumble back towards the door out of the instinct to get away from it.

Jason looked up at me curiously from his chair and asked, “What’s wrong?” He wasn’t the person full of so much fear, he was only full of sadness. I thought that the fear and anger was left over from Grace’s last moments at first, like most of the emotions I feel from people who have died.

However, when the anger morphed into a weak hope, I felt my eyes widen. It wasn’t left over. Grace was still here, only outside of her body now that she was dead. I inhaled sharply in a tight gasp. It’s never felt one of the dead this vividly before. I wondered how breathtaking it had been fro Grace, who could actually see them.

“Ebony, what’s wrong?” Jason repeated.

I wasn’t sure if I should tell him that Grace hadn’t quite left yet. I didn’t know if it would truly help anything, but when I sat down in the chair next to him and saw Grace, I knew she was staying around for a reason. I thought maybe she’s been waiting for me to show me or Jason something.

“She’s still here, Jason,” I admitted. “She’s still very much here, but I don’t know why she hasn’t moved on yet.” I didn’t tell him how scared she was. I had no idea what she was afraid of.

Jason jumped to his feet. “She’s still here? Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Ask her why she died. Ask her if it hurt.”

I shook my head sadly, saying, “I’m not Grace. I can’t talk to the dead, I can only feel their echo, even though Grace feels like more than an echo to me. I can’t ask her anything any more than she can answer me.”

He looked down at her. “But can she hear me?” he asked weakly.

“I don’t know,” I replied. “I think so.”

Jason put his hand on Grace’s cold cheek. I felt the pain and love he was feeling emanating from his body. “I love you, Grace,” he whispered.

The wave of absolute, undeniable love I felt from Grace is reply overpowered his weak, sad emotions. For a second my chest was tight and my throat was closed because I was crying. I couldn’t speak.

Once I had myself under control, I replied, “She loved you too. More than anyone can say. She loves you not with her heart, but with her soul.” I knew they were the right words as soon as they left my lips.

I felt Grace’s fear returning, along with the anger and a new pain. The pain was more physical than emotional now.

As if to answer my thoughts, Jason turned to me with a concerned expression and said, “Grace said it was painful for someone to stay between earth and heaven when they’re dead. Is she in pain?”

“A little bit,” I said, although I knew Grace wanted me to lie and say she was fine.

Jason turned back to Grace’s body. “Then go on, Grace,” he urged. “Don’t stay if it hurts. You can’t stay forever. You’ve stayed long enough.”

Even as he spoke, I felt her fading. “She’s leaving like you asked her to,” I informed Jason. “She would want me to tell you she says goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Grace,” he said, his voice cracking.

I felt a last spark of fear from Grace, and then nothing. “She’s gone,” I confirmed.

Jason’s shoulders slumped, and he began to cry again. I went over to him and wrapped my arms around him like a mother would her child. “I’m so sorry, Jason,” I murmured. “This must hurt more than I can comprehend.”

He hugged me back but didn’t say anything. I don’t think he was able to speak. I supported most of his weight; he leaned into me.

“You’re tired,” I stated. “You were waiting up because you hoped she was still here, and you didn’t want to leave her. Now that she’s gone, you should go to sleep. She wouldn’t want you to hurt, either.”

He only nodded, but he let me walk him to his bed. I turned away while he changed out of his suit and into pajamas, and then I tucked him in. He didn’t look fourteen; he looked ten. He looked so young that I kissed his forehead before turning off his light and walking out of his room.

I nearly ran into Gerard while I was walking down the stairs. He was carrying a plate of scrambled eggs and a glass of milk. “Is Jason alright?” he asked.

“He’s better,” I allowed. “I got him to try to go to sleep.”

Gerard nodded. “I’ll leave the breakfast outside his door, then. We may as well change and make more. It’s almost seven now. Everyone will start waking up soon, if they got any sleep at all.”

“Probably,” I agreed. After changing, we went to the supply house to make more eggs, which Faith had retrieved from our new chickens the day before.

The first to come were Sarah, Skyler, Nadia, and Ethan. Sarah ran to me first, and I hugged her tightly.

Not to look past the others, I hugged all of them, too. I could tell they had all been crying. Gerard touched Sarah’s shoulder before they sat down to eat.

Miranda and Lance came next with Faith and Tristan. They nodded to Gerard and I, and we nodded back. No one had anything to say, and no one came close to smiling.

At last, Leo and Shelby came in. “Everything’s ready for the funeral,” Leo said grimly.

“Jason just went to sleep,” I explained. “We’ll wait until this afternoon.”