You're Not in This Alone

Chapter 33: Letter

I woke up felling like I hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep. My muscles were sore, my heart ached, and my brain was worn out. I looked around and saw that although Gerard’s eyes were exhausted and had bags under them, he really hadn’t gotten any sleep.

“Gerard,” I whispered. He looked at me slowly. “This is the second night you haven’t slept. You’ve been awake for, what, forty eight hours? It’s not healthy.”

“I’ll live,” he muttered.

A sharp feeling pinched my chest: fear. Would he live? Would I? I was afraid for our lives now. I’d known it since Ethan had died: there was a killer among us.

Gerard had established this, also. After all, he had to be thinking about something all night. But the fact that one of us – any of us – would kill ripped my heart apart. Ethan, Sarah, Grace, Jason… they were all like my children. The rest were like my brothers and sisters. One of them was hiding a black, malicious heart behind a friendly, caring face. I had no clue who it was.

I wrapped my arms around Gerard and sobbed. He held me, frowning the whole time. I knew his brain was moving slower than usual from exhaustion. I finally pulled myself away from him and looked around for the clock. It was only 6:30 a.m.

“Please go to sleep,” I begged. “Just for an hour or two. Today is going to be very bad. You need to be slightly rested.”

He sighed, kissed me wistfully, and allowed, “Only an hour. They’ll start waking up soon. Go see Nadia now and wake me up when you come back.”

I didn’t want to leave him, but I knew Nadia would need me. She was only up the stairs. I touched Gerard’s hair before getting out of bed, but he was asleep before I left the room.

I tried to walk up the stairs quietly. I didn’t really want to wake Sarah. My conversation with Nadia should be private.

Nadia was laying on her bed, but she wasn’t sleeping. Her tears had dried, but when she saw me she started to cry again. I rushed over to her and hugged her. “Don’t cry,” I pleaded. “I know it’s terrible.”

“Is he still here?” she hiccupped raggedly, hope dragging down her voice.

I reached with my senses. In the part of the room with Ethan’s body, I felt a similar anger to Grace’s, but it was laced in more fear. However, it wasn’t nearly as vivid as hers. Ethan’s anger and fear were just an echo. “He’s gone,” I told her sorrowfully. “I think Grace could only hold on so long because she knew how. Besides, it’s painful for them to stay. Ethan is in a very happy, comfortable place now.”

”But I miss him!” she cried.

“I know, I know,” I murmured soothing, stroking her dark, glossy hair. “I’m sure he misses you, too, but this is the way things were meant to happen. No, I know this isn’t fair.”

“Why did he die?” she asked. Her tears were stopping, but she was just as distresses.

I stiffened. “We’re going to talk about this at breakfast later,” I assured her. “We’re going to forget about it right now.”

I laid in bed with Nadia for a while, trying to calm her down. Sometime later she asked, “Where’s Gerard?” The way she said it, as if she was speaking of her father, broke my heart.

“I made him go to sleep before I came up here, sweetie,” I admitted. “He would be here otherwise, but he hasn’t slept in days. He needs rest.”

She nodded in understanding. She was only twelve. She had been through so much, though, that I knew she was mentally old enough to really understand.

After much more time passed, I knew people were beginning to stir. Those that had slept were waking up. Those who had not were dressing. I kissed Nadia’s forehead. “Time to get up, hun. I’ll go wake up Gerard. You get dresses and meet us downstairs.” She nodded, and I left.

I didn’t want to wake Gerard up. His eyebrows were presses together, an indication that he was dreaming, but at least he was getting some rest. I wondered what he was dreaming about.

When I woke him and asked, he shook his head and did not tell me. We got dresses silently and found Nadia, Sarah, and Skyler outside the door.

When we got to the supply house kitchen, we found that almost everyone else was up. Jason sat at the table talking to Lance and Tristan, while Miranda and Faith made breakfast. The only living people missing were Leo and Shelby.

Miranda and Faith served pancakes when we walked in. Once we were all sitting, lance stood up. He was holding a piece of paper in his hand. “We found this on the table when we came in this morning,” he said before passing it to Gerard.

Gerard opened it carefully and read it out loud. “Dear everyone, we thank you for your kindness, acceptance, and help for the past two weeks. These weeks have felt like a lifetime. However, it is clear that staying with you all is too dangerous now. We’ve lived off the land on our own in the wild before, and it is time for us to return to living this way. We are deeply sorry that you have lost people you love. We leave our greatest sympathies to Jason, Nadia, and the rest of you who may lose loved ones.”

“We are unable to stay because we fear that one of us could be next. We hope that you will find the traitor among you before too many more people are killed. We ask that you don’t try to find or track us. By the time you read this letter we will be long gone. Perhaps someday we will be able to return and live in peace, if the killer is found. Thanks again for what you’ve done to help us, and we wish all of you the best of luck and long, happy lives. Love, Shelby and Leo.”