I Wanna Live a Life From a New Perspective

Jess

Since last week, I had been avoiding being near Brendon, physically anyway. I'm still shocked that he just let me in his room, thinking nothing of it, but I guess he's just a boy that wanted a girl in his bed.

Though, he didn't try anything.

I just need to clear my head of Brendon and stop thinking of him, but unfortunately I'm trapped on a bus with him. But, luckily, also his best friends, and the only thing I could think to do tonight to get Brendon off my mind was to watch Panic! play, where Brendon is singing.

What else am I supposed to do?

I dressed in my concert clothes, my nice jeans and a fancier top than usual -well anything is really fancier than wearing a tank top and hoodie.

We're sitting in the dressing room, the guys are getting ready; Spencer finally dressed 10 minutes before they went on; Ryan doing his make up; Brendon singing to warm up those vocal cords; and Jon was putting on his shoes, finally switching off his flip-flops. I was on the couch awkwardly watching them.

Jon sighed as he sat up, "I hate wearing shoes, my feet can't breathe."

I laughed.

Zack came in the room, "Five minutes guys, lets go!"

Jon stood up and pulled on my hand helping me up.

Spencer came over to me, "Jess, do you think you could go and watch the show with Kayt tonight? It's her last night here and it would mean a lot to me." he said giving me the puppy dog eyes.

"Sure, where is she sitting?"

"Oh, she has general admission."

"When is she getting in?"

"She's at the merch table waiting for you..."

"Alright, well I'm going to go get her, good luck guys."

"Bye." they said in unison

I jogged to the merch table, where I spent most nights selling merch to make it up to the guys for letting me stay with them.

There Kayt was looking bored.

"Hey!" I called.

Her head snapped up, when she saw it was me, she smiled.

"You ready to go?"

She nodded.

We began walking to the stag, we didn't talk much, but it wasn't uncomfortable. We were up against the barricade when one of the security people noticed me and my pass and let Kayt and I stand in front of the barricade. It was perfect.

The opening bands played, we took pictures with our phones. Then Panic! came on. The lights flickered, the cheering and screeching overwhelmed the room. Then our boys ran up on stage.

They're not mine in any sense, but I'm starting to feel like they are.

They played through their set, and I was dazzled, I had seen them before, even before I knew them personally I had seen them with my sister. But still every time I see them, I'm in awe of them.

Then my favorite song came on, Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Off Her Clothes Off. The dancers came out and began to do their routines. Honestly, I was jealous of their skill and beauty. But then, one of the girls went over to Brendon and grabbed his collar, something out of routine. She then proceeded to push him down in the chair.

She then straddled him and rustled his hair and unbuttoned his shirt with her mouth all while grinding her ass against him. It repulsed me. Panic! had a pretty provocative show to begin with but this whore was taking it too far.

This feeling of jealously towards this slut who got to be that physically close to Brendon. I was so upset I nearly ran up on stage and that bitch's ass.

But instead, I did the mature thing, told Kayt I was tired and wanted to go back to the bus. I told Zack to stay with Kayt because I was fine. But I really just didn't want him to see me cry.

I walked out the venue, barely holding myself together. I didn't want my friends at the merch tents to see me crying either. Once I got out the doors, the tears fell. I refused to sob until I got into the safety of my bunk.

I reached the bus and began to unlock and open the door.

Just as I was about to enter the last number I heard someone say, "Hey, my beautiful Jessica, long time no see."