Confessions of a Hollywood Celebrity

"Jade!"

"Jade, over here!"

"Look this way, Jade!"


Oh, yeah. Story of my life.

My name's Jade Chan, and I'm thirteen years old. I love being a Hollywood icon. The tabloids go crazy over me, probably because I have charm, and of course, charisma. However, like all celebs, I also find the "stalkerazzi" -- as I call them -- kind of annoying. They make up all these stories instead of listening to, and searching for, cold hard facts.

As an icon in Tinseltown (another name for Hollywood), I try my best to be careful. There are so many temptations that can lure somebody in - drugs, alcohol, and all kinds of bad things. For me, those things mean trouble.

So I drink soda instead of alcohol (as I'm only thirteen, and soda tastes much better), write poems instead of trying drugs and sometimes sell jewelry to my celebrity friends instead of having all these run-ins with the law (which in Hollywood usually means having a mug shot taken that's then shown around the world) as writing poetry and selling jewelry are both neat and very ingenious!

Anyway, I love hanging out with my celebrity friends, as it's so cool, and friends hang out with each other and do stuff with each other too.

Whenever I go to nightclubs (which I am allowed in as the bouncers know me, and everyone of all ages is allowed in), I usually have a Coca-Cola, which tastes fantastic.

One night while I was at one of the nightclubs - called The Dance Floor, which is a cool name in my opinion - I was sitting at a table that was in a room 10 feet away from the dance floor. Luckily, the music wasn't too loud, so I was able to hear all sorts of conversation.

Then I looked up, and smiled. There was Lindsay Lohan, heading my way.



"Hey Jade!" she said, all smiles as we hugged. "How's it going?"

"Pretty good," I replied, returning her smile. "How's... your parents?"
I had asked her about her parents, and she would often update me on how they were.

"They're doing OK for now," she said as she sat down next to me, "but I have a bad feeling that something is going to happen."

"Really?" I asked. She nodded. "Hmm....sort of like what happened in the Disney remake "The Parent Trap", where Nick Parker and Elizabeth James, the parents of twins Hallie Parker and Annie James - played by you - get divorced, and they split Hallie and Annie up?"



"Exactly," said Lindsay. "I'm glad you remembered that film. And, I love the part where Hallie and Annie play tricks on their dad's snobby fiancé, Meredith Blake, as they probably had gotten ideas from all the pranks between them at Camp Walden, the summer camp they both attended, before they learned they were really twin sisters who had been separated at birth."

I nodded. "I love that part too. It's so cool!"

She also agreed. "Me too. Oh, I also came across this story about me and my dad, and I thought I'd share it with you."

She reached into her purse and pulled out an article she'd printed off the Internet and handed it to me.

I cleared my throat and began to read it...