The Girl That Filled My Dark

“Are you fucking doing this just so you can see me in pain!? You’re such a fucking bitch!”

“No actually Ronnie, I’m doing it because I love you and I don’t want to see you die!”

“I hate you! Just give me something!” he yelled at me and threw some book at me. I ducked just in time, but instead of hitting me, it knocked over a glass vase. I’ve had three days of this. His withdrawal is worse than it was with Kyra. Ronnie is terrible; he throws things at me, threatens me, and tells me he hates me. I know he doesn’t mean any of it and he doesn’t know what he’s doing, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

“No, I’m not letting you ruin your life. I got you into this mess I’ll get you out.”

“I hate you. You’re nothing but a worthless whore.” That hurt, more than it should have. I slapped him hard; his hand immediately went to his cheek where a bruise was already forming. I ran into our bedroom and locked the door behind me. I haven’t slept in 3 days, I’m moody, emotional and tired. So I think I had the right to cry when my boyfriend said he hates me and called me a whore.

I was in there for an hour, just crying. I could hear him moving around in the lounge room. He came to the door.

“Shay? Baby can I come in?” he asked. I ignored him, and turned my music up so I couldn’t hear him. A few minutes went by, I thought he’d given up but a piece of paper slid underneath the door.

It read:
“I’m sorry for chucking stuff at you, I’m sorry for calling you a whore, I’m sorry for putting you through all this. I love you more than anything. Please let me in, I don’t mean anything I say or do. I miss you already. I love you.”

Dammit! I give in so easily. I turned the music down and unlocked the door without opening it and walked away. He opened the door slowly and walked over to me. He put his hand on my shoulder to turn me around to face him. His hand was shaking. I turned to him still crying. He noticed this and pulled me to him and held me tightly. His whole body was shaking, not just his hands. I wrapped my arms around his waist, I was falling asleep. I was deprived of sleep, I know Ronnie was too.

“Do you wanna have a sleep?” he asked. I nodded and he picked me up bridal style and carried me to our bed. I pulled the sheets up and he slid in next to me. He pulled me to him by my waist and I snuggled into his bare chest, our legs intertwined. That was the closest I’d gotten to him in the last three days and it was nice, although he did need a shower. But I don’t care about the smell, it still smells like Ronnie.