The Girl That Filled My Dark

“Hey, you girl, up the back. What the fuck are you doing back there, mosh pit too much for you?” Ronnie yelled. I guessed he was talking to me. I took a deep breath before looking up, its not like he would recognize me anyway.

I turned around and our eyes locked, and I bit my lip hard to try and stop from crying. All eyes were on me, waiting for me to speak. I turned my back and walked away and out the door. I could sense the conation of everyone in the room and I opened the door to get out. I heard Ronnie say something that I couldn’t quite hear then everyone laughing. At me I guessed. I don’t care though, it’s not as if I know many people in there.

I sat just outside of the door, close enough so Kyra would see me, but far enough away so I couldn’t hear exactly what he was saying. I sat out there until it finished, which was a few hours. Then everyone started piling out of the venue. Eventually Kyra, Benny and Christian came out and saw me.

“What’s wrong dude? You were so weird in there.” Kyra asked.

“Nothing, I just feel sick, that’s all. I’m fine, really.

Kyra looked doubtful, but knew that I didn’t want to talk about it. They all didn’t ask me again. Soon, the band came out to meet some of the fans, as they usually do. The gang (Kyra, Benny, Christian), went over to Ronnie and got some photo’s with him. I didn’t though, I stayed on the wall, that had become my new best friend. I heard them talking about the set, then Ronnie spoke.

“Is that your friend over there?” He asked.

“Yeah, I don’t know what wrong with her tonight, usually going to a concert would cheer her up, and get her out of the house for once. But tonight was just weird.” Kyra replied.

“I’m gonna go cheer her up, she has to cheer up by seeing the Ronnie Radke.” Ronnie said cockily, he hasn’t changed a bit.

He walked over to me. I kept looking at the ground, not letting myself get sucked into him again.

“Hey, you.” He said to me. I pretended not to hear him. “Hey!” He was standing directly in front of me now, so I had no choice but to look up. Our eyes locked and I bit my lip so hard that I broke the skin.

“Oh my god,” he whispered, “Its you.”

I burst in to tears and he hugged me so tight I nearly couldn’t breathe. He smelt like smoke, sweat and alcohol. Then he started to cry too, his tears soaking my shirt. Everyone was looking at us. Some looked confused, but most girls look jealous. I didn’t want to hug him back, I wanted him to disappear, I wanted to have never came to the concert. But I couldn’t let go of him, it was almost impossible. He’s the one I love, I always will, no matter what he does to me.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Shay. I love you.” He whispered in my ear. Now I pushed him away.

“You do not fucking love me Radke! I can’t believe you would even say that!” I yelled at him and ran away from him, I heard him running after me but ignored his yelling after me. I stopped, sick of running, and sat down at the bottom of a large building. Ronnie sat down next to me, but didn’t speak. It was silent for a few minutes before I got sick of the silence.

“What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t. I was drunk, I, I’m sorry.”

“I told you not to get drunk! If you didn’t none of this would have happened.”

“I know, I would do anything to have you back. I need you Shay.” He looked genuinely upset.

“You should have thought about that before you cheated on me!” I screamed. And out the corner of my eye I saw the gang there looking at us. Me and Ronnie both looked at them.

“Sorry,” they all said, and left. Probably just around the corner so they could still hear us.

Ronnie turned back to me, “I’m sorry, okay? I need you, more than anything. You have no idea what it’s been like without you. You have to come back.”

“Ronnie I can’t, I have a life here, friends, a job, an apartment. I’m happy.”

“You’re not happy, they might fall for your act, but I can see through it.”

“I can’t come back, you’ll just do it again.”

“Shay please, just give me another chance.”

I just looked at him, he looked terrible, I hate to think it’s because I left. I heard footsteps coming closer to us, I didn’t need to look to know who they were.