First Impressions

If Jack had a dollar for every time that people made fun of Alex, he’d probably make $100 a day – if not more. It upsets him – of course – but there’s not much he can do about it except comfort Alex.

Alex isn’t one to show how much it hurts him, though. He keeps a straight face while John O'Callaghan throws paper balls at the back of his head all through Math class. He doesn’t even show any emotion when Oliver Sykes pushes him down in the hallway while calling him a fag – even though that boy is clearly as gay as they come – and pats Jack on the back as he walks by.

“Are you okay?” Jack asks quietly as he helps Alex up from the floor. He glares at the back of Oliver’s head as he walks away.

“Fine.”

The one word answer is what Jack is used to. The tears filling Alex’s eyes are not.

“Come with me…” Jack says, pulling on Alex’s arm. He pulls him all the way out to Alex’s car and motions for him to unlock it.

“What, are we ditching?”

“No. We’re sitting here until lunch is over.”

“Okay, because I can’t miss anymore classes.”

They get into the car and Alex’s face shows the hint of a smile, and Jack feels like his job was done. But it’s not.

“Why do they hate me so much?” he hears Alex whisper, probably not meant to actually be heard.

“They don’t know how amazing you are.”

Alex rolls his eyes. “Yeah, that’s why. They hate me because I’m gay, when it’s really fucking obvious that Oliver Sykes sucks dick in the janitors closet every day during 4th period! But they all love him, don’t they?”

“Does he really?” Jack asks, and then he just wants to slap himself. Oliver Sykes isn’t even important right now.

“I don’t know, Jack! But probably!”

Jack sighs and reaches for Alex’s hand. The way that Alex slightly pulls it back makes Jack’s heart ache.

“Is the way everyone treats me one of the reasons you won’t ‘come out’?”

Jack blinks twice at Alex’s question. ‘Yes,’ is what he wants to answer, but he can’t. It’s too selfish. “No… I’m just not ready to. But I mean, it is awful the way they talk to you… Not exactly something I look forward to.”

“They might not treat you the same. You know that Oliver actually kind of likes you. He’s never mean to you. He actually talks to you like you’re friends.”

“I would never be friends with someone who treats my boyfriend like shit.”

“But he treats you like a friend, sort of. He would probably leave you alone about being gay.”

Suddenly, Jack knows exactly where this conversation is going.

“You think,” he starts, “that if I tell everyone that I’m gay and that I’m dating you, they wouldn’t bother you anymore?”

Alex casts his eyes downwards and nods slightly. “I know it’s stupid and selfish. But it’s true. They might actually back off of me.”

Jack literally wants to slam his head into a brick wall. It would be better than trying to figure out the situation he just got himself into.

“Do you realize the pressure you just put on me?”

“I know, I just… I …I’m so fucking stupid… I can’t believe I just asked you to do that… I’m sorry, I just-”

Jack shakes his head. “Shhh,” he says in a sad attempt to calm Alex before he really began crying. “Don’t apologize. I just… need a few days, okay?”

It was official. Jack felt like the worst boyfriend ever.

**

Jack prefers talking to silence. Talking means he has to focus on the conversation; silence means he can think about whatever he wants. Lying with Alex on Alex’s bed usually means silence, unfortunately for Jack.

He brushes the hair out of Alex’s eyes, which are closed. Jack really just wants to kiss him. So he does to take his mind off of everything. Alex kisses back, slipping his tongue into Jack’s mouth and running one hand through Jack’s hair. Jack really wants to be as into the kiss as Alex seems to be, but he can’t. There’s too much on his mind.

He either has to tell his school that he’s gay and everyone will (hopefully) back off Alex or he can disappoint Alex and stay in the closet. There are too many things that can go wrong and Jack just really does not want to have to deal with any of them. He wishes things were easier.