Paper Lanterns

I dressed in a pair of jeans, a red Clash t-shirt, and a light gray zipup hooded sweatshirt, along with my Chucks. My makeup was only eyeliner, mascara, and chap stick. After all, it's just Billie.

I drove down to Stuart Avenue, and parked outside the tiny coffee shop. I went in, ordered a small black coffee, and found Billie sitting at a table near the back windows. I sat down, quietly sipping my hot drink.

"Grace."

"Hmm?"

"I know you didn't bring me here to just sit around and drink coffee. We could've done that at my place."

I looked down at the table, and set my cup on it.

"You're right. I've been wanting to ask you something important."

He gazed at me, waiting for more explanation.

"I just want to know what you're so wrapped up in. You got pretty irritated last night.."

"Why would you care?" he muttered under his breath. I still heard it, and was shocked.

"Billie Joe. I can tell when something's eating away at you. I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm putting everything into the band, and sure, people like our music, and think we're okay, but we haven't gotten signed, or noticed by anyone from a record company. Sure, we've made a few bucks here and there, but that's not what I'm after."

The whole time he spoke, he avoided looking at me.

"Bull shit."

"Excuse me?" He momentarily glanced up.

"You're a terrible liar."

He didn't have a smart alec comment for me, which meant I had caught him.

"Billie, you don't have to lie to my fucking face if you don't want to talk about it. I'm surprised you'd do that. You know you can talk to me, so whenever you're ready, I'll be listening."

With that, I got up, threw out my empty cup, and walked around for a bit before driving home.

I paced around in my room for a few good hours, trying to come up with possible reasons for Billie's emotional stress. So far, I've gotten nothing but my own stress, and I'm going to lunch with Drew in a few minutes. He called when I got home, and I'm waiting for him to pick me up. The doorbell rang, and I went to get it.

"Hey Dre--" I stopped, now face to face with Mike.

"Ooh. Hi Mike," I smiled, and pulled him in. As I shut the door, I asked, "Can I help you?"

I didn't want to come off as rude, but hey.

"Something happened to Billie," he answered in a sullen tone.

"What?" I stammered, my mind began racing to every possible conclusion.

"He came to the apartment, drank like six beers, had two joints and a few cigarettes before saying 'I'll be back in a bit.' I just got a call from Ollie, who was called by the hospital. She said he was doing donuts in a parking lot, then swerved out of it, drove straight through the lot, and hit a tree going forty five or fifty on the other side," he let out in almost one breath, then began to breath deeply.

Then I saw it. A vivid mental picture played before me, and I cringed.

"Hold on, let me write a few notes." I went into my dad's office area, grabbed paper, a pen, and tape. I wrote Dad a note, and taped it to his desk, and the next read, 'Drew- Can't be at lunch.
Family emergency. xoxo- Grace' and I stuck that one to the front door as Mike and I left the house.

"I don't think I should drive," I told him, and he nodded.

Once we arrived, we got into the waiting area with some difficulty. Ollie nearly beat the receptionist, and the whole scene was pretty funny.

A man in slacks and a white coat came out, and asked, "Mrs. Armstrong?" Ollie looked up, and he came over to where we were seated.

"Alright. Now, your son was under the influence of both alcohol and marijuana, then tried to drive. He's pretty bruised and cut up. Three broken ribs, a fractured collarbone, and we aren't sure if he'll be able to walk.. His left leg may or may not have been as damaged as our x-rays show.."

I pretty much stopped listening.. Oh yeah, and breathing.

He said, "We just need some time to be sure," at the end, and that Billie was 'resting.' Basically sedated with all the medication. The doctor, uh, Dr. Schiller was his name, allowed us in one at at a time. We made Ollie go first, because she had to get to work, then Mike went in.

Half an hour passed, and Mike came out.

"Your turn," he attempted a smile, and failed. I nodded, and began the walk to room 408.

Entering silently, I took the seat next to the bed, and glanced at Billie. He was pretty pale. More so than usual, with two IVs hooked up, a heart monitor, something for blood pressure, and a few other machines.

He just looked so fragile. Almost the whole left side of his face was bruised; some areas were darker than others, signifying most likely where the impact was. I couldn't stand to see him like that. I placed my hand in his upturned palm, and began to speak, not caring that he was asleep, or drugged. Whichever it was.

"So this is what deja vu is like? First your dad, then my mom, and now you. I don't understand how you could do this to yourself. To your mother. To Mike and Tre.. to me." I held back any tears threatening to fall, and continued.

"Billie Joe, you're this amazing person that is so protective of the people you care for. I guess you didn't know how much they'd miss you if you died. Honestly, I don't want to think about it, but I don't know what I'd do."

I stopped to regain composure again, and just watched him sleep.

"You know.. the doctor said you may not be able to use your leg after this. But that's complete shit, because you're Billie Joe Armstrong, and nothing can stop you. I'm still afraid.. I don't have your confidence, and I'm just so uncertain of everything." I fell silent for what seemed like hours, but was only fifteen minutes.

"It's all my fault, isn't it?" I realized. "I shouldn't have been so pushy. I should've just accepted your lie, and let it go. But no, I had to make it worse. I'm so sorry.. I just wanted to help you through whatever you were dealing with. But I knew. I knew you'd do something stupid and get hurt. I know you better than most would think. Well, that came back to bite me in the ass.."

"Yeah, karma's a bitch," I heard a few minutes later.

'Huh?' I looked up, and saw Billie, who was half smiling.

"You were awake. This whole time?" I flushed bright red, all the heat rushing to my cheeks. His smile widened a little, as he mumbled, "Mmhmm.."