Caught in Headlights
Headlights
It was December 12th. A cold winter night. We were both walking through the park, a bottle of vodka in one hand, joint in the other. We were both nineteen, at university, our whole lives ahead of us. We would make this night our own. I just didn’t know how right I would be.
I passed the bottle to Jamie and watched him take a quick gulp, bracing himself for the following burning sensation to come. After taking a second shot, he screwed the cap back on the bottle and slipped into his back pocket of his jeans.
The almost full moon glowed a brilliant white, when it made an appearance from behind the long silver thread of clouds which drifted across the black sky. The street lamps glowed an ominous fiery orange as we past under them, and casted our long shadows across the park.
I took a long drag of the joint which I held loosely in my hand. As the smoke billowed out in front of me I felt Jamie gently take my hand in his. I turned my dark coffee eyes onto his sparkling emerald ones, and then felt myself unwilling blush. He spun my body towards his and took both my hands into his, palm to palm, raising them up to settle between our chests. My heartbeat quickened and I was sure he could feel every beat. In a whisper barely audible he said, “Jess,” and his bright eyes searched mine for the right words to say, “I... I think I’m falling in love with you.”
Silenced by his words, I took my hand out of his and raised it up to his slender cheekbones, gently caressing his perfect jaw line, until my fingertips reach the back of his neck I then buried them into his hair, bunching up the long dark wavy strands around my fingers. I leaned in closer and softly brushed my lips against his in a light kiss. Then closing my eyes I stayed there with my nose gently resting next to his, with his breath warming my face.
“I think I’ve been falling in love with you the past ten years.” I whispered and raised my head to look him in the eyes. Those same eyes I had known for most of my life, though now under the circumstances they seemed so different, so beautiful. It was as if I was meeting him again for the first time. There were thoughts and emotions hidden behind the sparkle, ones I couldn’t explain, that maybe I’d never looked for before. A small adrenaline rush shot through my body and a smiled played around my lips. After thinking I knew everything about my best friend of ten years, I suddenly realised there was so much more to know, and I couldn’t wait to begin to discover it all.
Slowly he bent down and kissed me, this time more passionately, so our lips pressed hard against each other and our hands explored each other’s bodies. My hands wormed their way through his thick hair, scrunching it up into my small delicate hands, while his hands worked their way over my hips, underneath my t-shirt his thumbs gently rubbed over my hip bones, then working their way up my waist, my stomach, my back, until one hand softly cupped my left breast. Taking my hands from his hair, I brought them down to his waist, and also lifted up his t-shirt running my hands down his back, until I reached his boxer shorts, where I slipped a hand inside and firmly grasped his right butt cheek.
“I’ve waited so long for this moment.” He breathed heavily into my ear as he began to kiss down my neck and I instantly knew exactly what he meant. With every kiss and every touch my body yearned for more. I wanted his soft lips to kiss my own lips, then my neck and my chest, and my breasts. I wanted his tender kisses to trail my stomach and to plant themselves delicately between my legs. I wanted his fingers to hold get lost in my auburn waves, and to find their way down my spine till they held my cheeks, one in each firm grasp. I wanted to feel his body on top of mine, his chest against mine as he kissed me passionately, our heartbeats drumming together in sequence. I wanted to rest myself on top of him, and have my own hands explore every inch of his body. I wanted to let my hands wander below his waist and pleasure him while the other to massage his chest. I wanted so much to feel our bodies close to each other, in that secret and intimate way. In the way where it feels like you’ve confessed a thousand secrets to each other when you see each other naked for the first time. How you eyes connect and in one look tell each other ‘it’s okay, that every one of your secrets will be safe with me.’
All this is what I craved, and I realised that I had waited for this moment ever since I knew Kevin. He was everything to me, and more. “Let’s get out of this park then,” I said, and taking his hand in mine we left the entrance of the park, “Let’s go home.”
As we reached the pavement, I remember laughing, Jamie’s arm wrapped around my waist. He took my small hand in his and raised it above my head and spun me around, like I was a ballroom dancer. Playing with my role, when he let go of my fingertips I spun away from him and stopped one foot in front of the other, and bowed to him, signifying the end of the dance.
It was then it all happened. Me, stood six feet away from him. Both of us laughing and smiling at each other.
It was then I saw the headlights. So bright and glaring, they momentarily blinded me. But then, just as quickly, I realised and I screamed. Jamie. It was all my brain could say, all I could think. I ran toward him but it was too late, I was too late. My knees buckled under me and I collapsed to the ground, the second those headlights hit Jamie in his back, my whole world collapsed.
The car hit Jamie with so much force he plummeted straight into the park, where we shared our first kiss. He was dead on impact. My muscles stiffened when I heard the sound of the contact. Tears flew rapidly down my cheeks. My stomach wanted to throw up but my body couldn’t find the energy. Falling forward so my head was pressed against the floor, I wrapped my arms around my head, blocking out the yells of people around me. Faintly I could hear sirens but I couldn’t say if they were in the distance or right beside me.
I winced sharply when I felt someone touch my back, and then I shuddered, and began uncontrollably shaking. My throat burned uncomfortably from the tears, and I was left with a harsh acid taste in my mouth. I could hear the words of people around me discussing me but there phrases were just meaningless to me.
“We need another ambulance, one for the girl.”
“She seems to have lost her hearing.”
“She’s just suffering from shock.”
“Does anybody know her name?”
“I want to see him.” Those words, I recognise, they seemed to come from my own lips. The voice wasn’t like my own though, I spoke in staccato spurts, the words nearly drowned in desperate sobs. The faces around me all seemed blurry through the tears, one person, grabbed my arms and hoisted me up, they let go when my feet steadied themselves.
Slowly I walked back into the park, past the policemen, and the paramedics, and the witnesses. Tentatively I walked over to car, towards the headlights which were still blaring, almost taunting and mocking me. It was then I saw him. His lifeless body. Covered in blood, his blood. Again I collapsed down beside him, staring one last time into his beautiful green eyes, though now they lost all their sparkle they had just moments ago. I brushed my fingertips over his soft lips, and I bent down giving him my last kiss.
Now as I bowed to him, I was signifying the end of his life. The end of our life together.
December 12th. We would make this night our own. How could I have known this night would be our own for all the wrong reasons? It would be his death, our death, the first and last night of us.
I passed the bottle to Jamie and watched him take a quick gulp, bracing himself for the following burning sensation to come. After taking a second shot, he screwed the cap back on the bottle and slipped into his back pocket of his jeans.
The almost full moon glowed a brilliant white, when it made an appearance from behind the long silver thread of clouds which drifted across the black sky. The street lamps glowed an ominous fiery orange as we past under them, and casted our long shadows across the park.
I took a long drag of the joint which I held loosely in my hand. As the smoke billowed out in front of me I felt Jamie gently take my hand in his. I turned my dark coffee eyes onto his sparkling emerald ones, and then felt myself unwilling blush. He spun my body towards his and took both my hands into his, palm to palm, raising them up to settle between our chests. My heartbeat quickened and I was sure he could feel every beat. In a whisper barely audible he said, “Jess,” and his bright eyes searched mine for the right words to say, “I... I think I’m falling in love with you.”
Silenced by his words, I took my hand out of his and raised it up to his slender cheekbones, gently caressing his perfect jaw line, until my fingertips reach the back of his neck I then buried them into his hair, bunching up the long dark wavy strands around my fingers. I leaned in closer and softly brushed my lips against his in a light kiss. Then closing my eyes I stayed there with my nose gently resting next to his, with his breath warming my face.
“I think I’ve been falling in love with you the past ten years.” I whispered and raised my head to look him in the eyes. Those same eyes I had known for most of my life, though now under the circumstances they seemed so different, so beautiful. It was as if I was meeting him again for the first time. There were thoughts and emotions hidden behind the sparkle, ones I couldn’t explain, that maybe I’d never looked for before. A small adrenaline rush shot through my body and a smiled played around my lips. After thinking I knew everything about my best friend of ten years, I suddenly realised there was so much more to know, and I couldn’t wait to begin to discover it all.
Slowly he bent down and kissed me, this time more passionately, so our lips pressed hard against each other and our hands explored each other’s bodies. My hands wormed their way through his thick hair, scrunching it up into my small delicate hands, while his hands worked their way over my hips, underneath my t-shirt his thumbs gently rubbed over my hip bones, then working their way up my waist, my stomach, my back, until one hand softly cupped my left breast. Taking my hands from his hair, I brought them down to his waist, and also lifted up his t-shirt running my hands down his back, until I reached his boxer shorts, where I slipped a hand inside and firmly grasped his right butt cheek.
“I’ve waited so long for this moment.” He breathed heavily into my ear as he began to kiss down my neck and I instantly knew exactly what he meant. With every kiss and every touch my body yearned for more. I wanted his soft lips to kiss my own lips, then my neck and my chest, and my breasts. I wanted his tender kisses to trail my stomach and to plant themselves delicately between my legs. I wanted his fingers to hold get lost in my auburn waves, and to find their way down my spine till they held my cheeks, one in each firm grasp. I wanted to feel his body on top of mine, his chest against mine as he kissed me passionately, our heartbeats drumming together in sequence. I wanted to rest myself on top of him, and have my own hands explore every inch of his body. I wanted to let my hands wander below his waist and pleasure him while the other to massage his chest. I wanted so much to feel our bodies close to each other, in that secret and intimate way. In the way where it feels like you’ve confessed a thousand secrets to each other when you see each other naked for the first time. How you eyes connect and in one look tell each other ‘it’s okay, that every one of your secrets will be safe with me.’
All this is what I craved, and I realised that I had waited for this moment ever since I knew Kevin. He was everything to me, and more. “Let’s get out of this park then,” I said, and taking his hand in mine we left the entrance of the park, “Let’s go home.”
As we reached the pavement, I remember laughing, Jamie’s arm wrapped around my waist. He took my small hand in his and raised it above my head and spun me around, like I was a ballroom dancer. Playing with my role, when he let go of my fingertips I spun away from him and stopped one foot in front of the other, and bowed to him, signifying the end of the dance.
It was then it all happened. Me, stood six feet away from him. Both of us laughing and smiling at each other.
It was then I saw the headlights. So bright and glaring, they momentarily blinded me. But then, just as quickly, I realised and I screamed. Jamie. It was all my brain could say, all I could think. I ran toward him but it was too late, I was too late. My knees buckled under me and I collapsed to the ground, the second those headlights hit Jamie in his back, my whole world collapsed.
The car hit Jamie with so much force he plummeted straight into the park, where we shared our first kiss. He was dead on impact. My muscles stiffened when I heard the sound of the contact. Tears flew rapidly down my cheeks. My stomach wanted to throw up but my body couldn’t find the energy. Falling forward so my head was pressed against the floor, I wrapped my arms around my head, blocking out the yells of people around me. Faintly I could hear sirens but I couldn’t say if they were in the distance or right beside me.
I winced sharply when I felt someone touch my back, and then I shuddered, and began uncontrollably shaking. My throat burned uncomfortably from the tears, and I was left with a harsh acid taste in my mouth. I could hear the words of people around me discussing me but there phrases were just meaningless to me.
“We need another ambulance, one for the girl.”
“She seems to have lost her hearing.”
“She’s just suffering from shock.”
“Does anybody know her name?”
“I want to see him.” Those words, I recognise, they seemed to come from my own lips. The voice wasn’t like my own though, I spoke in staccato spurts, the words nearly drowned in desperate sobs. The faces around me all seemed blurry through the tears, one person, grabbed my arms and hoisted me up, they let go when my feet steadied themselves.
Slowly I walked back into the park, past the policemen, and the paramedics, and the witnesses. Tentatively I walked over to car, towards the headlights which were still blaring, almost taunting and mocking me. It was then I saw him. His lifeless body. Covered in blood, his blood. Again I collapsed down beside him, staring one last time into his beautiful green eyes, though now they lost all their sparkle they had just moments ago. I brushed my fingertips over his soft lips, and I bent down giving him my last kiss.
Now as I bowed to him, I was signifying the end of his life. The end of our life together.
December 12th. We would make this night our own. How could I have known this night would be our own for all the wrong reasons? It would be his death, our death, the first and last night of us.