If Today Was Your Last Day

"Because I’ll never let this go, But I can’t find the words to tell you, I don’t want to be alone, But now I feel like I-" I picked up my cell phone off the coffee table to see that I had an incoming call from Tom. It was day 2 of his last tour before they start on the next album. He called as soon as he had left the airport and he called the following morning and then again when he was about to go to bed.

“Hey!” I grinned as I answered the phone. “Sweetie! Dad’s on the phone!” I shouted at Megan who was currently in her bedroom getting ready for bed.

“Hey babe. How was your day?” Tom asked. That was what he always started the conversation with.

“Same same. Megan was there today because her school was closed, so she was quite demanding, as you would expect her to be in a hairdressers,” I giggled. “So how’s the tour going?”

“Pretty good. We had some wacko fan that tried to get on the stage again. Oh! And in an interview today, they asked about you. Everyone knows what’s going on and who Megan is,” I breathed in deeply, waiting to hear more, “the audience clapped and were all like “awwh!” so, I think you’re accepted again,”

I leaned forward, leaning on my elbows which were placed on my thighs and said with a raised eyebrow, “What exactly did you say?”

“That we’re back together. Our love for each other never ended and that little girl I was seen with is indeed my daughter and that I found out I was going to be a dad the day we broke up,” I smiled at the second sentence, Our love for each other never ended. Hell no it didn’t!

“Mom. Can I speak to dad now?” I looked up from the floor to see Megan in her Winnie the Pooh pyjamas, her hands on her hips.

“Sure,” I opened my arms for her to sit on my knee and handed her the phone.

“Hi daddy!” Megan giggled. She always gets a little too over excited when she’s on the phone.

“Hey baby. How was your day at mom’s work?” I knew that there was a smirk plastered onto his face.

“Boooriiing,” Megan pretended to snore, only failing when she began to giggle.

“I know! Cutting people’s hair is very boring!” if he was here right now, his cheek would be throbbing.

“Yeah. But dad, your job is more exciting. I wish I could be with on the stage with you,” Megan sighed. For saying that Megan had only known Tom for a couple of days, she had grown very attached to him.

“I wish you were here with me too.” I nearly melted at that. Who knew that Tom Kaulitz could be such a softy?

“I miss you dad,” a tear slowly ran down Megan’s cheek, followed by a tiny sob.

“Baby don’t cry. For me?” forget the slap, if Tom was here right now, I would jump on him and tear his clothes right off.

“I’ll try. But I really, really, really want you back dad,” another tear fell from her watery eyes.

“I know. I’ll come see you when I’ve finished playing my guitar, okay?” Megan nodded her head even though Tom couldn’t exactly see her.

“Will you be back for my birthday? I’m turning seven soon,” Soon. As in 3 months and 2 weeks away.

“I will. And you will get the best present ever! Now can you put mom back on the phone? I have to talk to her about something that’s important,” my heart began to beat a mile a minute. He hadn’t... had he?

“Yay!. okay, night dad,”

“Night Megan,” Megan jumped off my knee, handing me the phone and kissing my cheek before walking out of the living room to go upstairs to her bedroom to go to bed.

“Ebony?”

“Here Tom,” the nerves were beginning to smother my words.

“I thought I should tell you,” oh God. Here it comes, “that if I’m going to be around Megan more, then I’m going to have to cut back smoking. Well, I already am, but, I want it to come to a stop. I don’t want Megan to die from second hand smoking, or start smoking herself,” I might as well have died right then. “Ebony? You there?”

“What? Oh yeah I’m here. It’s just. You’d do that?” a smile plastered across my face. Some may call it an “ear to ear” smile.

“Yeah. I threw away my last pack. That should stop me, right?” I giggled.

“I love you, Tom,”

“I love you too. Look, I gotta’ go now. I’m mega tired and I have to get up early in the morning. Speak to you tomorrow! Gut Nacht babe,”

“Get some rest. Good night. Love you,” and then the phone line went dead.

TOM’S POV

Speak to you tomorrow!

That’s a lie.

I didn’t call her the following day. Nor did I call her the day after that. In fact, I haven’t called her for the past 8 days. Why? Because. I don’t know. I just can’t.

I mean, I can, but, I’m just too busy and tired. That’s one part of the reason. But there’s another two reasons.

One is because after I heard Megan begin to cry because she missed me tore my heart out. Literally. I didn’t want to hear that again.

The other reason is because I’ve let Ebony down, even though she doesn’t know it. What do I mean?

I broke my promise.

Yep. The day after I said I was giving up smoking, I brought another pack of cigarettes and smoked 5 of them, one after the other. I hadn’t smoked for 3 days and I missed the God damn things. Quitting was harder than I thought.

Why is this preventing me from calling Ebony? Because I feel like I betrayed her and I don’t want to feel like that while talking to her. Plus, she’ll know that something is up with me. She can read me like a book, whether it’s over the phone or not.

But I bet by not calling, I’m hurting Megan. I bet she’s missing me like crazy and I’m just not bothering to call her. That just makes me feel even worse.

“You should call them, Tom. Tell Ebony what you did. Keeping it from her will just make it even worse,” I blinked once and landed back in the main room of the hotel room I was sat in with Bill.

“I want to keep her trust, Bill,” I snapped.

“Well you’re not going to keep that trust by not being honest with her. She’s probably been thinking that you’ve cheated on her or something,” he was right.

“Fine. I’ll call her,” I stood up from the sofa and walked out onto the balcony, taking my phone out of the depths of my pocket, pressing number 2 for the speed dial.

“Why the hell haven’t you been calling?!” Ebony hissed as soon as she picked up the phone.

“Stuff’s gone off. I’m sorry,” I shrugged, leaning against the railing.

“Oh yeah? Like what?” I heard her mutter something to someone, most likely Megan, and then I heard a door shut before she said, “go on,”

“Just so you know, I’m sorry. Okay?”

“For what?” her voice was mixed with boy anger and frustration.

“I broke the promise. I smoked again. I’m so sorry. It was harder to quit that I thought,” I sighed.

“What? So you didn’t call because you smoked one cancer stick? Tom that’s pathetic,” I heard her breathe out. I probably annoyed her and now she won’t want to speak to me again.

.. oh shut up, brain!

“More like 5 in one go. I felt awful afterwards. It’s just, I hadn’t smoked for 3 days and I was craving one. You know? It’s definitely cut down and I’m taking it easy, not pushing them away straight away. I am going to stop. I promise,” I assured her.

“I know it’s hard to quit Tom. Been there, done that. But you still should’ve called me. You had me worried sick. I thought you had cheated on me or something,” just like Bill had said.

“I haven’t done that. I don’t plan to,” I looked at my watch to see that it was 13:27. “I have to go. I’ve got to be in the lobby by 2pm and I still need to shower and stuff before we go for an interview. I love you, Ebony,”

“I love you too, Tom,” the line went dead as I placed my phone back into the my pocket and walked into the main room to sit beside Bill.

“This is a good band. Eyes Set to Kill. Or something like that,” Bill announced. Does he really think I’d be interested? If it’s not Samy Deluxe, then I don’t care. Okay, maybe I would care, but that’s beside the point.

“The phone’s been patient to hear your call
But you never touched the dial
You never touched the dial, now I know
There’s someone I wished walked through these halls
But you’ll never take the chance to come home
So come home”

I listened intently to the song, pretending it was Ebony singing. That’s how much I missed her.

I will come home, Ebony. I will.