If Today Was Your Last Day

“Sweetie. Finish up your breakfast for me,” I told Megan as I put the last plate back into the correct cabinet. “We’ve got to leave to get you to school in 5 minutes,”

“I don’t care if we’re late,” her sweet, little voice rang through my ears, her words shattering my heart. Not once has she said that to me before.

I spun around on my heel to face her. “Excuse me, Miss Megan Chloe Burnes? How dare you say that to me!” I snapped.

“Sorry mom. I didn’t mean to say that,” she gasped.

“It’s okay sweetie. Is your bag packed?” she nodded her head as she filled her mouth with a spoonful of Lucky Charms, her favourite cereal.

“Okay. Well, hurry up with your cereal then,” I leaned on the worktop and watched Megan eat her breakfast. I just stood and watched her, thinking about the night before. Was I too harsh on him? Have I upset him? Will I ever get to see him again?

The sound of Megan clanking her spoon against the bowl signalling she had finished her breakfast brought me out of my train of thought. Looking up at her, not realising I had ever looked down, I watched her as she pushed the bowl away from her seated body, standing up from the chair she was sat on and walking towards the closet.

“Who’s picking me up from school today?” she asked as she put her small, pink polka dot pumps on. They matched perfectly with her dress-top and leggings.

“Oma is today. I have to work late,” Oma. German for Grandma. I had taught Megan little bits of German since she found out I could speak it. She now called Hannah’s mom Oma. She isn’t aware about what happened to my parents, but I’m sure I’ll tell her about that when she’s older and will understand it better.

“Okay,” I watched Megan jump up from sitting on the floor, grabbing her bag and slipping it over her left shoulder, reaching for my hand, which I gladly accepted and we walked out of the house hand in hand.

Locking the door, Megan asked me, “can I move schools? I don’t like this one,” which caught me off guard. At her age, I didn’t think she knew about transferring schools. I knew she was clever for her age, but not that clever.

“Um. Sweetie,” I took a hold of her hand, “I’m afraid not. It will cost me a lot of money and then I won’t be able to feed you. Plus. Do you really want those mean people to know that they have got to you? You’re a tough girl, I know you can prove to them that you’re bigger and better than they are. I definitely know you are,” I tightened my grip around her hand, slowly down my walking pace as we began to reach the pelican crossing.

“Mommy,” I looked down at Megan to see tears filling up in her eyes, bending down to her level, I brought her into a soft embrace. “They scare me, mommy,” she sobbed into my chest.

“I know sweetie. But just ignore them,” I soothed.

“It’s too hard,” she began to cry harder. “I hate it there,” my heart stopped. Sending my daughter to school for her own education was killing her. She wasn’t enjoying it there. I’m an awful mom.

“I’m sorry, baby,” I whispered into her hair, a single tear falling and landing onto the top of her head.

“It’s okay mom. Don’t cry,” she looked up at me, her eyes red from tears, and placed her hand on my cheek, giving me a quick, sloppy kiss on the lips.

“Shall we get going then?” Megan hesitantly nodded, wiping away the rest of her tears and taking a hold of my hand again.

I stood up from my kneeling position and walked closer to the edge of the pavement, standing a few inches away from the kerb and pressed the button for the pelican crossing, waiting for the red man to turn green, indicating we could cross.

An Audi came zooming down the road, screeching at a sudden halt as the traffic lights changed to red, the red man changing to green man.

I looked at the Audi, glaring daring daggers at the driver, trying to tell him off for driving so fast when there’s children about, when I realised who the owner of the car was.

Tom.

Tom Kaulitz.

Before I could move my feet, I was stuck. Glued to the ground. I couldn’t move from my spot. I just stood and stared at him as he impatiently tapped on the steering wheel, waiting for it to change back to green.

Then, he looked up, connecting his eyes with me. From what I could see, his eyes held nothing. No sign of anything when our eyes connected.

I came out of my short trance, and just to seem friendly, I waved at him, only to get a pip from his horn. Someone was pissed off with me.

“Come on mommy. Let’s go.” Megan tugged on my hand and we walked across the road, reaching the other side of the road just as the lights turned back to green. I watched Tom roar down the street.

“Who was that mommy? You looked at him for ages. And you waved at him,” Ebony skipped a little in her steps as we turned a corner to the street that her school was on.

“Oh. Him? No one. Just an old friend from a few years back before I... in fact. It doesn’t matter. He was just an old friend,” I told her.

“So why did he pip at us if he’s an old friend of yours?” she’s a little nosy rascal. I still don’t know who she got that from. I guess she has a little bit of Bill inside of her.

“We saw each other the other night, but it didn’t end too well,” I sighed. She might as well know that much. She’d figure it out sooner or later.

Megan was silent for a few minutes, until we reached the school gates. “Is he my daddy?” I hesitated for a minute. “I saw how you stared at each other before you waved at him,” like I said, she’s a clever girl.

“You should probably go to your classroom before the bell rings,” I told her, ignoring her question.

“Okay, but mommy. If he is my daddy, I know he still loves you,” she smiled, kissing my cheek and running down the path to her classroom.

I stared after her, her words running around in my mind.

I highly doubt he still loves me.