If Today Was Your Last Day

“Mom. When is tea going to be ready? I’m hungry. Listen to my tummy,” Megan sat herself up on the counter, swinging her legs freely.

“Sweetie. Off the counter please. If it was made to be sit on, it would have cushions on it. Take a seat at the table please, tea is nearly ready,” I got a plate and began to put the Spaghetti Bolognese onto it.

“I can go get some cushions to make the counter a seat,” Megan replied, lifting herself up onto the high seat.

“Very funny, hunny,” I placed the plates on the table, taking a seat opposite Megan.

“Funny hunny rhymes. We learnt about rhyming words at school today, mommy,” she looked up from her plate, sucking up the spaghetti that was hanging out of her mouth.

“So you’re going to be walking around the house randomly shouting out rhyming words now?” I asked her, spinning my fork around in the spaghetti to make it easier to eat.

“Maybe,” she grinned, filling her mouth with more spaghetti, the sauce hitting her right cheek. “Mmm. Mom this is good,” she mumbled through a face full of spaghetti.

“Thank you sweetie,” I smiled as I scooped up the last few bits of spaghetti.

“How do you eat so fast mom?!” Megan shrieked as there was a knock on the door. “... Who’s here?”

“You’ll see,” I slid off my seat and walked out of the kitchen to the front door, opening it wide to reveal Tom standing there, fidgeting with his hands.

“Um. Hi,” he hesitantly said.

“You’re here. I made you some tea. Spaghetti Bolognese. Hope you like that kind of food,” I moved out of the way to let him in the house and lead him to the kitchen. “Sweetie. This is Tom. Tom, this is Megan,” I walked over the stove and put the rest of the spaghetti and the sauce onto a spare plate, turning around and handing it to Tom.

“Tom. Mom. That rhymes too,” Megan mumbled to herself, making Tom look at me with a raised eyebrow.

“She’s been learning about rhyming words at school... you can sit down you know. The chairs aren’t going to eat you,” I giggled, sitting back down where I was before, Tom taking the seat beside me.

“Who is he mom?” Megan asked, filling her mouth with more of the spaghetti.

“This is Tom. Like I said. He’s the man from the car this morning,” Megan dropped her fork and slowly lifted her face to make contact with Tom’s eyes.

“You’re the man who honked his horn at us. That was rude,” Megan glared at Tom, making him fidget in his seat a little.

“Megan,” I sternly said.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, looking back down at her plate, making Tom chuckle and shake his head, putting more spaghetti into his mouth.

“Do you like mom’s cooking then?” Tom looked up at Megan and nodded his head.

“Yes. It’s very good,” he glanced at me and smiled, placing his right hand on my knee.

“Tom?” Tom looked back at Megan to see what she wanted, “Why do you wear plaits and big tops and pants? It makes you look like a girl,” Tom’s mouth dropped open making me laugh out loud.

“I. Um. Err,“ Tom stuttered.

“The plaits are called cornrows. That’s what men have. And the baggy clothing is because he wants to be gangster,” Megan nodded her head and looked back down at her plate.

“Trying to be one? I am one,” Tom scoffed, making Megan giggle as she pushed her plate away from her.

“I’m full up. Can we go play now?” I nodded my head and Megan slipped off her chair and walked into the living room.

“Where shall I put my plate?” I looked down at Tom’s plate to see that it was more or less spotless. I took it and placed it into the dishwasher along with all the other plates, bowls, cups and cutlery.

“So Megan. Would you like to introduce yourself to Tom properly?” I asked her as both Tom and I took a seat on the sofa.

Megan stood up and coughed, “I am Megan Chloe Burnes. I am 6 years old and I was born on the 21st March. I love the color pink and I love to play with Barbies,” Megan bent down and picked up one of the Barbie dolls off the floor and gave it to Tom, “Um. I love to play with mom too because I’m the only one she lives with. Daddy left her a long time ago, but I’m sure we’ll get to see him again soon because he still loves her and he will want her back and then we can live happily ever after,” I looked up at Tom and saw that he had completely stiffened in his seat, his knuckles going white as he squeezed the Barbie doll tight. “Tomi? Are you okay?” she asked.

“Tomi?” he asked her, making Megan nod her head and smile widely at him.

“I think you’re cool, so I gave you a nickname,” she shrugged.

“Megan come here,” Tom opened his arms indicating he wanted a hug.

Megan walked up to Tom and sat on his knee, wrapping her thin, tiny arms around his neck as Tom wrapped his around her waist. “Thank you for the nickname,” he told her. I just smiled at the sight. Tom Kaulitz was hugging his daughter. His daughter who didn’t know who he really was. In a way, that killed me inside.

“Tomi you smell nice,” Megan said into his chest.

“Thank you?” Tom placed his head on top of Megan’s head and rubbed her back. It was silent and I had noticed that Megan’s breathing had slowed down and her body looked relaxed in Tom’s arms.

“Is she asleep?” Tom looked down at Megan and then nodded his head, slowly standing up so that he was holding Megan bridle style.

“Where’s her bedroom?” I stood up from my seat and lead Tom up the stairs to Megan’s bedroom. A baby pink bedroom with a big, pink bed, teddy bears and Barbie dolls everywhere you looked. Tom lay Megan down in the bed, stepping back to let me tuck her in.

“She looks a lot like you,” Tom whispered, standing beside me as he stared at Megan’s sleeping body. “I can’t believe she’s actually my daughter,”

“Well she is Tom. How does it feel to be a dad?” I asked him, watching as Megan turned over in her bed and wrap her arms around one of her bears.

“Weird. But I guess I’ll get used to it,” he shrugged.

I looked up at him. “You... Want to be in her life?”

“To be honest, I don’t know. She’s a lovely little girl, and I loved hugging her downstairs. It felt really nice. There was her little speech. “Daddy left her a long time ago, but I’m sure we’ll get to see him again soon because he still loves her and he will want her back and then we can live happily ever after,”. She was right that I still love you. But would the "happy family" actually work with me touring all the time? And I live in Germany. There’s just too many burdens,” he looked down at me and wrapped his left arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his body.

“It’s now up to you Tom. If you want to be in her life, and mine, you have to be prepared for what may happen. And you actually have to be a true dad to her. As in, no more one night stands. The burdens? If we mean something to you, you will find a way to work around them,” I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head against his chest to listen to his steady heartbeat.

“This is something I can’t decide straight away. It’s life changing. I’m going to have to think about it,” I nodded my head, knowing he felt it against his chest.

“Take your time,” I whispered.

“I mean, I’d love to and everything, but, it’s just with the band and everything,” I lifted my head off his chest and stepped in front of him, placing my hand over his mouth.

“Tom. I understand. It’s hard for you. When you’re ready, either come over or ring me and tell me if your answer is yes or no. I will understand your reason either way. Okay?” Tom nodded his head and brought me into a hug. A long hug at that.

“I’ve missed this,” Tom mumbled into my hair, pulling away from me. “But I have to go now,” I nodded my head and lead Tom out of Megan’s room, quietly closing her bedroom door and leading Tom down the stairs and to the front door.

“So I’ll speak to you in a few days?” Tom nodded his head and leaned in to give me a quick kiss on the cheek.

“I love you Ebony,”