Be a Man

That night, I took a drive - by myself - to Whitney’s. I parked beside a cherry red car, but didn’t pay attention to anything other than that as I got out and walked into the little, dimly lit yet packed restaurant. I went to a two person table and sat by myself, pulling out a sketchbook that I’d just bought at the local art supply store. I wasn’t an expert, by any means, but it was a hobby of mine to doodle the more tribal sort of designs - you know, the thorns and sharper designs like that. I always had some sort of heart, now that I think about it. Maybe wrapped in barbed wire, or one of the cutesy hearts with a shimmer-mark and angelic wings.

I sighed, resting my chin on my hands and looking out the window. There was snow on the ground, shining in the fading light. It was so surreal, and also magical. I stared at it for a while, then turned my attention away from it to my blank first page. It was then that the waiter showed up.

“Welcome to Whitney’s! What can I get you this even…holy - ”

“Oh. My. Gosh.” I said slowly, then I laughed. “I’ll take a water and a slice of pecan pie.”

“Oh, um, okay. I-I’ll have that right out. Can I interest you in our desert special tonight, as well? Three scoops of chocolate-mint ice cream on a waffle cone!”

“I’ll think about it, but not at this moment. Thanks.”

“I’ll have your order right to you then, ma’am.”

I would’ve burst out laughing if it wasn’t in a public facility. After all, it’s not every day you see the calm, collected, arrogant Austin Preston with a dirty or stained apron and a smudge of what seemed to be chocolate on his cheek. Maybe I would tell him when he got back with my order. Maybe.

Then it struck me, as I turned back and started my doodle.

Brandon would kill me if he found out about this and if I don’t tell Austin. My pencil stopped, and I started thinking it through. Somehow, I knew, Brandon would find out about this. I also knew that now was not the time to make a confession, because I was still confused and unsure about what I was going to do. But this whole thing was still kind of shocking - I mean, was it a sign that Austin was growing up, what with his having a job when he clearly didn’t need the money? I took it as such, meaning that he was quickly on his way to being the man I told him he needed to be before I’d give him a chance. Actually, I think he’s exceeded my expectations.

“Here you go, and your total will be $2.25. I’ll come back to check on you occasionally. Thank you for choosing Whitney’s tonight!”

I flinched, and he was already walking away when I looked up.

“Hey, Austin, just a second!” he stopped and turned around. The smudge was still there.

“C’mere a minute,” I said, sighing and standing up. He took a few steps closer, hesitantly - as though afraid I was going to hit him. “I don’t bite!” I said exasperatedly, wetting a napkin with an ice cube from my water. “Hold still for just a minute, okay? Or I’ll hit you.”

I turned his head so I could get a clear look at the offending spot and I lifted my wetted napkin to it. After about five seconds, it came off.

“There,” I said to him, showing the napkin. “Chocolate…or something. Now get on with your job, a table just got taken over there.” I pointed to the one that really had just been taken and which I knew was part of Austin’s area. He just looked at me, stunned. I looked away quickly, flushing. Then I heard a muttered, “Thanks,” and his departing footsteps as I sat down.

That was something I would never have thought of doing back in November.

I shook myself out of it when I noticed my still untouched pecan pie, and I picked up my fork.

“You had a chance.” Brandon observed at school. “The way you’re fidgeting lets me know that you had a chance and you didn’t take it and you don’t want me to find out.”

I flinched. “Just go away,” I murmured.

He laughed. “How did I know?”

“I couldn’t interrupt him for that. He was too busy!” I retorted. “And I’m still working a few
things out, so please don’t bug me about this like you did all weekend via texting!”

“You need to say something to him soon.” Hails said matter-of-factly.

“Ooh, giving Anna advice on her love life, are we?” a teasing voice said from behind. I slowly looked up at Austin. He grinned. “Good luck, Anna-banana!”

I stared at him as he walked away, and I felt a sudden wrenching in my gut telling me that this wasn’t gonna be good. The wrenching, guilty feeling coupled with a sense of foreboding…he thought I was actually finding a different boyfriend than him. And the way he felt…

…his eyes said it all.