Be a Man

At home that night, I lay in my bed thinking things over. I knew that Thomas was trouble, and I knew that I wanted nothing to do with him. I knew that I was, however slowly, falling for Austin, and I knew I wanted him to know. I knew that Thomas wanted me, just as a trophy. I knew that Austin wanted me because of the connection we’d had when we first met, a year and a half ago, before he’d shown what an arrogant prick he could be. And what I was also beginning to realize was that, maybe Austin wasn’t really the prick he acted like; maybe he was trying it out because it attracted some girls, and was hoping it would work on me, too. I think he was figuring out, though, that the girls he attracted were also only into him for money, and I think it disgusted him that he was pushing me away at the same time.

I think what I like about him is that he never gives up. A person like Thomas, who has hit me, threatened me, and tried to order me around, will never earn my respect. A person like Thomas will marry some beautiful woman with no brains and have a lovely bunch of children while also messing around with other women and trying his hardest to be a good father. And who knows? Maybe he’ll succeed. Maybe he’ll be a better father than a husband, because some things turn out that way. But maybe he’ll be a horrible father and a horrible husband and be divorced only to repeat it until he finds a woman who will put up with him.

Another thing about Austin is his sincerity. The first time I think I really noticed it was my birthday, when he gave me his gift. He seemed sure I’d throw it away immediately, and that I’d never wear it, but the look in his eyes as he begged me to keep it convinced me to open it far out of his sight. And I hadn’t been disappointed.

I set down my pencil by the notebook full of math that lay on my pillow with a sigh. I heaved myself up into a sitting position, realizing it was impossible for me to concentrate right now. I heard soft voices downstairs, and then footsteps coming up. I wondered whether Mom had already got the news about the ‘Thomas Incident No. 2’, as Hailey had stated as I drove her home. I got up and went over to the window, looking out to where the sky was growing cloudy. I expected it would start snowing soon.

“Anna, honey?” I heard.

“Yeah, Mom?”

“I’m coming in, okay?”

“Go ahead,” was my reply. I was really starting to wonder what this was about. She usually just came straight in, but now she was announcing that she was coming in. As I was thinking, the door clicked and she walked in, and I turned to see her hiding something behind her back, grinning childishly.

“Anna…” she said, slowly.

“What?” I asked her, raising an eyebrow and making her grin.

“We just got a little something for you. We hope you like her!”

“ ‘Her’? What d’you mean, ‘her’?” I asked, but she just grinned and turned her back on me (remembering to move whatever she was hiding to her front side). She sat something down, quickly stepped out of the room, and shut the door. She was acting like a child.

But then I heard why, just before I caught sight of it.

“Oh my GOSH!” I couldn’t help it, and leapt over my bed in my haste to get closer. I knelt down in front of the little mewing animal, grinning like a fool. “You are so CUTE!”

The little Siamese kitten mewed again, looking at me with her big, blue eyes. I held out my hand, and after a moment of beckoning to her, she tentatively walked over and sniffed my fingers. When she licked one of them, I took that as a sign that she liked me, and I picked her up and cuddled her close.

“What’s your name, little girl?” I asked her, grinning. “How about…Luna?” she mewed, nuzzling my fingers. I giggled like I was a five-year-old, and an hour later, my mother opened the door to find me asleep with Luna laying in the crook of my arm like a baby beside a notebook paper that had been ripped out, completed, and placed on top of the math book.

It was Friday all over again, and I was drowsily watching Luna chase a little ball of yarn around the room, under my bed and out the other side, all up until she tripped over a high heel that I’d left out after wearing it to one of our numerous dinners with the Prestons way back in October. I giggled, and she got back up like nothing had happened.

Then, my phone rang.

“ ‘This love has taken it’s toll on me
She said good-bye ---’ ”

I silenced my recently changed ring tone (just changed yesterday, actually) by answering.

“Hello?”

“Hey.” The suave voice on the end of the line made me jump so badly I almost fell off of my bed. I regained my composure enough to feel sufficiently angry.

“Make whatever you want to say quick.” I said darkly. “You have two minutes.”

“Like I said Monday, how about the movies?”

“How the hell did you get my number?” I evaded the question, cringing at the sound of Thomas’ voice on my phone.

“Oh, my cousin had it from seventh grade and she was more than willing to give it to me.”

“Let me guess, it’s Kara Schnell, isn’t it?” I groaned internally. We were good friends in grade school, but we’d had a huge falling out in eighth grade when I got asked out by her crush.

“So, how about the movies?”

I guess he figured that two could play the evasion game.

“Not on your life.”

“My chauffer and I will be there in an hour to pick you up. Your parents gave me permission to take you out when I asked yesterday.”

“Liar.”

“Not. I’ll see you then.”

He hung up, with me fuming and staring at the phone, until I yelled, “MOM!”

She came in, looking confused. “What is it dear? Oh, you’re a mess! And you have a date tonight! Dear, let’s get you clean--”

“I don’t have a date!” I yelled, “What is this?!”

“Your boyfriend called your father and I yesterday while you were in the shower and asked to take you out--”

“He told you he was my boyfriend?!” I shrieked.

“Calm down, dear, what is it with you today--”

“Mom, I don’t like him! He’s more of an arrogant ass than Austin ever was! He’s the one who got into a fight with Austin, he’s the one who tried to force me to go to the movies with him and got suspended until next week, he’s the last person I want to sit in a dark movie theater for two hours with!” I cried, tears actually coming to my eyes. Little Luna had stopped playing and came over, jumped on my bed, and nuzzled my hand.

“Well, maybe Austin was jealous of what you had and thought he needed to fight him for you, Anna--” Mom tried her quickest voice, to get that much out.

“Mom, Thomas talks about me like a piece of meat, like some sort of dog that he needs to get house-trained!” I stood up, causing Luna to mew mournfully. “The only reason he wants to date me is because he thinks I’m the one thing that Austin could never get, ever! But he’s so wrong because he’s the one person I will never be with! Thomas is so arrogant and cocky, and he thinks he can have whatever he wants, Mom!”

“I’m sure you’re overreacting, Anna--” Mom was sounding more desperate.

“NO!” I had tears now, and I wasn’t sure whether they were tears of fury or desperation at trying to get her to understand. “No, I don’t like him, I don’t want him within ten feet of me, and we are most certainly not going out!”

“Dear, I’m sure you like him more than Austin--”

“Mom, I love Austin! How am I supposed to like a guy who hits girls and cheats on them?!”

Mom was silent, and when I realized what I’d said, I covered my mouth and ran past my mother out of my room.

“Anna! Anna, where are you going?!”

I didn’t answer her. As I ran through the Den, I grabbed my coat and I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my keys once I had gotten to the door. I flung the door open, my father just getting up from the couch and starting to ask what all the yelling had been about, and I left the house. I ran out to my truck, in freezing cold rain (I thought it should’ve been snowing, but it was raining instead) and climbed in. I slammed my door and pulled out of my drive in a hurry. I even went past the Preston house, which, even though it was right next door, I usually avoided driving by.

I usually avoided driving that way because of Austin, which is funny, because the one night I do drive that way, he’s just pulled into their driveway, getting back from work, and sees me speeding away and my mother flying out onto the doorstep and yelling futilely at where I’d disappeared. He threw the car in reverse and followed me, finding my home phone on his speed dial and letting it dial as he drove. His hands-free system made pursuing me and talking to my mother and father easy. And he knew why I’d left as soon as Mom mentioned my ‘boyfriend’.

It had only deepened his resolve to find me.

I had driven, in my fury, to a little run-down park near the edge of town, and I had jumped out in the pouring rain to run under the shelter of a clump of trees. I ran to the center of the bunch of perhaps twenty trees and collapsed in a heap, tears mingling with the rain in a wet, salty tasting mess. I crawled nearer to the large tree, hoping for the rain to be kept away some and not caring about my mud-splattered skinny jeans and shoes and coat.

After five minutes, I heard the squishy crunching of a vehicle on the usually dirt-and-gravel currently mud-and-gravel parking area. I hunched down farther, hoping whoever it wasn’t wouldn’t find me in the trees, a huddled, soaking mess of muddy clothes and salty cheeks.

Of course, it can’t always be how I want it.

“Anna? Good Lord, Anna, what were you thinking?” I heard, and squishing footsteps were coming towards me from behind. I looked and very nearly groaned. I didn’t want him, of all people, to see me like this. “Why don’t we go back to your house, okay? C’mon, you can ride in my car. We’ll come and get your truck later.”

“I’m perfectly all right,” I said stubbornly, “and wet girl would not do your leather upholstery much good, anyway.”

He chuckled, secretly relieved that I had some of my usual humor. “You need to get somewhere warm, Anna. You’ll catch a cold.”

“I don’t care.” I retorted.

“C’mon, you don’t mean that.” he tried to help me up, and I flinched away from him.

“I’m fine!”

“If you’re fine, then I’ll be fine, too, if I just sit here with you for as long as you’re going to stay, right?” he asked, plopping down in the mud beside me, not nearly as under the tree’s cover as I was.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I refused, “You’ll catch a cold.”

“If you won’t, then I won’t, but if you will then I will.” was his reply.

“Go home,” I muttered. “You’ll get sick.”

“You’ll get sick before me.”

“Go home.” I repeated.

“Nope. I’m quite cozy where I am, but thanks for your concern.”

I stopped and turned to fully look at him, for the first time since he came out, and he just grinned at me. I could feel the grit from the tears still residing on my cheeks, and I knew my eyes were a red mess, but I looked at Austin and he grinned right back at me the whole time.

“Why…” I started in a louder voice than I’d been using, resulting in it cracking slightly. “Why are you so persistent?”

“What do you mean?” Austin asked, genuinely puzzled.

“I mean, why don’t you just go away? Leave me alone. Find some other girl to pine after for a year and a half.”

“Well, you see, Anna, it’s like this…” Austin began, grinning sheepishly at me. “It’s like I’m looking for something, you know? And I know exactly where I’ve put it, but even though I know where I’ve put it, I just can’t find it, right? Even though I know I left it there. So I just keep looking for it because I know that, if I keep looking, I’ll find it eventually.”

I stared at him, wiped my face, and stood up.

“You’d better get home. You’ll get sick if you stay out here any longer.” I said aloofly, walking in the direction of the parking area.

“If I’ll get sick by staying out here any longer, than you’re already getting sick,” he called to my retreating form as he stood.

“That’s why I’m going home.”

He followed me in his car, and when we pulled into our separate driveways, a sleek black car also pulled up in front of my house. I checked my watch and realized that it was Thomas and his chauffer. I was already out of the car, and Thomas had doubtlessly already seen me, so I just stood there and glared at the shiny black car in my muddy clothes. The window rolled down, and Thomas called, “Why aren’t you ready, Anna? The movie starts soon!”

“Not on your life,” I replied loudly. “Isn’t that what I told you over the phone?”

“You should go get ready, we’ll wait.”

“Go away.”

Thomas got out of the car after saying something to the chauffer. “C’mon, Anna, we don’t have all night.”

“I said, go away. What part of that don’t you understand?”

Neither I nor Thomas noticed Austin coming across the muddy grass between our houses.

“Now, you don’t mean that, baby. C’mon, we’re going to see that chick flick together, remember? We planned it--”

“Can it! We didn’t plan anything. Go away.”

He walked closer, saying as he came, “Go get ready. I’m sure you’re just wondering what to wear. Honestly, anything is fine.”

“Piss off, Thomas. She said no.”

“Preston, I don’t see how this is any of your business, what’s between my girlfriend and I,” Thomas sneered.

“What girlfriend?” Mom asked from the door of the house. “Anna was right about that boy, honey,” she called inside, “Why don’t you come talk to him?”

My father was at the door instantly, looking nearly livid.

“Now, son, you’ve deceived Anna’s mother and I and I think it’s best you leave our house right now, or I’m going to have to file official harassment charges on you.”
With that one sentence, Thomas glared at Austin, my family, then at me, before turning on his heel and getting in the car. It sped away in the rain, and we all watched it until it disappeared around the end of the street.

“Anna, honey, you must come inside before you get sick!” Mom said urgently. I sneezed. I heard Austin sigh as he put a hand on my shoulder to steer me towards the door.

“Just a minute, Mom,” I said, digging my feet into the spot of mud I was standing in. “I want to collect myself a bit, okay?”

“Hurry, then,” Mom said, and she and Dad retreated into the warmth of our house.

It was silent, all except for the patter of the rain.

“Thanks,” I finally said to Austin. I turned to him. “I mean it.”

“It’s nothing,” he said, and he looked right into my eyes. His eyes didn’t stray like Thomas’ did when you talked to him. “I’ll do it again if I need to.”

“See you at school,” I finally said, after another awkward silence that I had spent staring at him, and how the rain coursed down his cheeks and how his brown hair was dripping with moisture. I turned and walked towards the house, trying not to think of how irresistible he was beginning to seem.

“Anna, wait!” he called after a few seconds, and I turned.

“Yes, Austin?”

He took a few steps up to me and placed his hand on my cheek gently. I didn’t move.

“Have I found it yet? Please tell me I have, Anna.”

“You already had,” I whispered just above the melody of the rain, “even before all you’ve done for me tonight.”

He looked at me with eyes that clearly showed he hadn’t expected that answer and that, now he finally had the answer he’d coveted for so long, he didn’t know what to do. So I took it into my own hands, unable to stop myself.

One hand gently cupped the back of his rain soaked neck, and I brought myself onto the tips of my toes to press my lips to his in possibly the most romantic kiss imaginable, to me. His hand stayed on my cheek and ever-so-gently it was that he kissed back.

“I knew that if I kept looking, I’d find it,” he whispered, staring into my eyes as we pulled away.

“But first you had to grow up a little and remember where to look,” I retorted, then asked, “Go out with me?”

“Gladly.”

Before that night, I never thought kissing in the rain was all it was cracked up to be. I was wrong.