That Should Be Me

“Nick!?” We both heard Kelsey’s voice rip through the room. Nick immediately stopped kissing me and leaped off the bed.

“Kelsey” he said

“I fucking hate you.” She said

“Kelse I can explain.” Nick said in a ‘shaky’ yet calm voice. She left his room slamming the door behind her.

Nick sat on his bed; he buried his head in his hands.

“I’m sorry, this is my entire fault Nick” I said softly as I got off his bed and began searching for my scattered clothing. He got off the bed and put on the sweats he was wearing before, he left his shirt off though then he looked at me.

“Hey, don’t ever blame yourself for this, it’s not your fault. If anyone is to blame it's me, I should've dumped her weeks ago” He said to me as he hugged me. I was now wearing my sweats and was putting my tank top on,

“I should go.” I told him

“Maybe you should just stay.” Nick said quietly.

“I’m going to go talk to her so just stay in my room, ok?” He said

“Ok” I said and he went downstairs, I quietly sat at the top of the stairs, making sure I was out of sight.

“Kelse, no you don’t understand!” I heard Nick say. “What is there to understand Nick?! I saw it all” She yelled at him.

“And I’m sorry ok, you weren't supposed to see that” He said,

"Well no fucking shit Nick. When did you start having a thing for her? Back in Colorado, when you came back? When?” Kelsey asked.

“Do you really want to know that?’ Nick asked.

“Yes” She said.

It was quite for a minute or two.

“D and I dated in high school, we we’re together for over two years, we we’re madly in love with each other, then I was leaving to go to college, she had one more year of high school, we broke up… here I am, end of story.” Nick said to her, I heard Kelsey’s loud sobs.

“I just don’t understand Nick; I thought you loved me…” She said.

“I do” he said in a soft, delicate voice. “But I love her too, I’m just very confused right now” he said, right as he said that Joe started going up the stairs, he looked at me and nodded for me to follow him and I did. We went to his room and he shut the door behind me.

“You know you shouldn’t eavesdrop.” Joe said and I didn’t say a word. Joe took a seat beside me on his bed,

“Maybe I shouldn't have gotten involved with Nick again” I said quietly. “He makes my life… complicated.”

Joe looked at me. “If you would’ve dated me instead of Ricky when Nick left, you wouldn’t be in the mess” Joe said with a smile. I rolled my eyes

“Joe, c’mon I’m being serious” I said and he pulled me into a hug.

“Me too…” He said confidently. I started crying “I hate you.” I said.

“I love you” Joe said.

Joe just held me, until Nick opened Joe's door, he kind of just looked at us, hurt in his eyes.

“D” Nick said as he nodded his head toward the door, I got up said a sincere thank you to Joe and I followed Nick into his room and he shut the door behind us. He wrapped me into a hug. “

You know I love you, right?” He asked

“I know”

“Good.” He said, instead of sitting on the bed we sat on the floor.

“Are you going to leave tomorrow?” I asked

“I don’t want to.” He said

“Then don’t” I told him

He sighed

“D, what are we?” He asked me

“What do you mean?” I asked him.

“Like are we just fuck buddies, am I your ‘other’ boyfriend… what?” he asked me. I never really even thought about that until now.

“Well I don’t know. What do you want us to be?” I asked

“I want us to be in love like we were before I left.” He said

“How are we going to do that? I mean we are totally different then we were 3 years ago.” I said

“So? That will never change what we had what we have” He said I swallowed hard

“Nick, I don’t think this is going to last forever.” I told him. “

Well what are we?” He asked ignoring what I had just said.

“I don’t know what you want to hear…” I said

“D just answer the damn question.” He told me and I looked at him

“Friends I guess.” I said softly.

“Fuck buddies, you mean?” he said in a harsh tone

“Nicholas, you know I care about you and you should know I love you.” I said

“I’m not sure that I do” he said coldly. He looked at the ground, he was upset.

“Hey…” I said softly, “Look at me”

He looked at me but didn’t say a word.

“You’re the first guy I have been in love with, you were my first real boyfriend, my first real kiss, the guy who took my virginity and I love you Nicky” I said, he looked at me for a moment then hugged me, then he broke down. I ran my hands through his hair. His sobs filled the room, tears filled my eyes. I really did love him.

After a few minutes he pulled away from me, “I’m sorry” he said apologizing for breaking down.

“Don’t be” I said.

He lightly pushed my hair back, “I love you” he said to me and he kissed my lips.

I stood up and so did he and he pulled me into another hug, “Just give me some time to think Nick"

“Ok baby.” He said.

“So I take it you’re leaving tomorrow?” I asked

“Well I don’t know I’ve missed it here and I want to stay.” He said.

“What about your last year of college?” I asked “I don’t know but I’m staying here” He said as he kissed me one more time.