Paper Cuts and Stapled Hearts

*Lilith's POV*

Have you ever noticed that if you stare at a book, not look or read just stare. The words start to blend and the sentences run together until they're nothing more then smudges on paper?

You get lost in the black ink on white paper. Your brain shuts down it seems. You don't even recall blinking, if you even blink at all anyway. Total bliss in your own world. A special place where nothing is something, problems disappear, and your thoughts seem to be sleeping.

The best part is you can do this for hours on end. Just zone out and stare. Sometimes if you get lucky the smudges start to swirl, only sometimes. But this isn't one of those times.

This though is what I'm doing. The thing is it isn't a book, magazine, or even those stupid cookie fortunes you get with Chinese food. Nope not even close.

It's a test. A pregnancy test to be precise. And no not your home test either. I had already taken those a few weeks ago.

“Congratulation's!” the doctor beamed. I hadn't bothered to hear or ask his name. I continued to stare at the paper willing it to be wrong. And you know what? The crazy thing is five weeks ago I was ecstatic.

Its funny at how one change can alter you thoughts. Funny in a fucked up way that is.

“Your about two months along,” Silence, “I'll..uh..leave you to alone for a moment.” he continued when no response was triggered and just like that he was gone.

“Lilith?” Blake asked a while later. I looked up at him with asoulless, empty vacant gaze.

“It will be ok.”

I nodded, what else could I do. I love the beautiful creatures in my stomach already, I loved it the moment the home test said positive, before that even. I'm just not in love with the way things are turning out. But it's too late to change anything, and I'm not entirely sure I would. This is life, not a Disney story, you move on and don't let your self get down, to down anyway.

And yes I said creatures because I knew I was pregnant the moment it happened, er more like that night I went to sleep. I had started to dream of angels, which evolved into two kids.

A boy and a girl

Every night after that the two would appear in my dreams and capture my heart. They would take me here or there. One time the girl fell off a swing and I was instantly compelled to her side as a strong fear griped at my heart.

I never remember what is said during these dreams but when I wake up I fell complete, somehow whole on the inside. It leaves me with emotions I can't describe, or even comprehend sometimes.

About two weeks of these dreams lead me to buying the test, seven actually. All positive.

Back then I was giddy with happiness.But then again my Loves, still had a father and I was still engaged Life was perfect, sort of.

Like I said I was engaged to the man of my dream, though he was cheating, and now pregnant. What more could I want?

Looking back I think I thought me being pregnant would make him see I was all he needed. Me and his new family.

I kept the news to my self for two weeks! Never breathed a word to a soul, even Blake and Wynter. I had planed to show up, surprise him, and tell him.

Instead it went like this.

Showed up, got my own surprise (bet you can guess what it was), didn't tell him, left unnoticed, went home, wrote a long ass letter, still didn't tell him, and moved I away. I honestly think I won't ever tell him.

Seeing what I saw made me realize hes just not ready. Not ready to settle down or become a parent and give up so many things he finally just obtained. Matt wasn't ready to step up to the plate and grow up.

I on the other hand sure as hell was.....I think

After moving out I called Blake. My other half and best friend. He hopped a plane that night.

So that people is why I'm sitting in a hospital gown, staring at a piece of paper that changed my life and contained my future.