Fall Asleep with the Windows Open

The plane was slowly descending and my nerves and anxiety was full force. Its not even like I was leaving in a couple days...we were staying for a month. Before I knew what was happening I was handing money to a driver and at the porch steps I have stood at all my life. I looked at where I had become a statue, remembering all the things that happened here. Right here. The fights, kisses, meetings, and early days of playing. Those were my favorite. When we were innocent, not knowing how to hurt each other...except for him taking my damn cookies. I should have know then.

My mom appeared in the doorway and smiled.
"Hello Honey. How was your flight?"
"Hi mom, and fine...just a bit of jet lag." She sensed the sarcasm when I said a bit.
"Well why dont you get a couple hours more of sleep then go do...whatever it is your going to be doing." Why was she always trying to read my next move.
"Yeah I think I will." Considering what I was about to do, I needed to be as rested and ready to fight as possible. I walked into the house and immediately embraced my dad. I had missed him, even though my mother had slowed down over the years.

I stepped out later that night, only to hear it echo back to me from next door.
"Ollie." I said surprised.
"Oh, hello, Reiley dear. How are you?"
"Im great, how are you? Still working the diner I see."
She grinned."Yes. And I heard from Billie that your getting married? How wonderful."
"Thanks Ollie." At least one person with the last name of Armstrong was happy for me.
I got into the car after a wave to the woman who was a second mother to me. I refocused on what had to be done. What had to be done to relieve the pressure.

Billies POV:
I stretched sitting on my couch. The sound of the phone startled me.
"Hello?"
"Hey Bill. Guess who is on their way to my house right now." Mike. I dont think Tre had a reason to go over.
"I dont know so just tell me."
I could hear the smile in his voice over the phone. "Shes here right now, and shes come a long way so why dont you just come see for yourself." And then he was gone.
Shit. It hit me. Reiley must have come home.

When I opened the door to his house all that I could hear was her laugh. Id almost forgotten what it sounded like outside my head. She giggled and yelled at Tre. Once I was noticeably in the room her smile faded to a mere half grin.
My voice was hitched in my throat and I avoided eye contact at all costs...I was afraid. No, scared shitless that if she looked into them, she would know what I was thinking. That Im and idiot, that she looked amazing, and that I just wanted to kiss her and hope the scars from the last time she was here wouldnt reopen.
"Hey Billie boy!" Tre screamed running and tackling me, painfully unaware of the high tension in the room. I got up and regained composure, she was smiling now.
"Hi Billie."
"Hey Ry." It came out in sort of a squeak, throwing Tre into a laughing frenzy, mumbling something about me sounding 13. This is ridiculous. We picked up right where we left off. Her cell phone went off disrupting our meditative state. Holding up her index finger she answered it.
"Hello?" A smile crept onto her face.
"Hi hun. Yeah of course I do. Be careful, you know I hate that rode!" I couldnt keep myself from eying the ring still on her finger.

The three of them started talking about something, but my mind wondered back to the song I had written when I had visited New York not two months ago. I was having a terrible night that night. The guys had pointed out my spike in drinking habits since Reileys engagement announcement. They said it wasnt doing me any good to just be thinking back of all the things I should have done differently because I couldnt change it. I fell asleep every so often in the night, only to go back to the same dream. She was walking away from me down a busy street, and wouldnt turn around. I had said something to make her leave me for good. Everytime I woke up wishing she wouldnt get married. I spilled all the things in my head down onto paper once it became unbearable at three in the morning. The outcome was a song entitled Whatsername...I doubt I will even show it to the guys now. It just served the purpose of a therapeutic.

Then I realized she had gone home. Still hopeful for tomorrow, that her soon to be husband wouldnt be joining us. Now if I could only remember his name.

Thanksgiving.

From what Mike had told me as soon as I walked in, Dominic had gotten in last night. Joy. I only saw him once and that was an accident. According to Reiley it would be easier to not incorporate the two of us...so much for that.
I hear Tre squeak with enthusiasm,"Reiley! Long time no see!"
"Tre its not even been 24 hours." She sounded like he was- yep...squeezing her to death. There he was. His arm was still tightly around Ry, probably nervous. Good I hope I scare him. Wait, hes taller than me. Damn it. Oh well I could take him. She walked glided towards me.
"Billie, this is Dominic. Dom this is Billie." He smiled. Shit face.
"Hi." His voice was shaky a little and made me smirk.
"Hey man..." once my eyes met Reileys, I hated myself for being a prick. She was so happy I was being decent. Happy. Something I couldnt make her it seemed without this guy.
"Come on. Everything is ready." Claudia yelled.
"So Bill, hows Joey?"
"Hes okay, hes with Adrienne." She nodded and sat down next to him, and I slunk in the seat next to her. The night was full of gag reflexes. She was constantly trying to make him relax. At one point I was talking to Mike and happened to glance over at them. She was sitting in his god damn lap, twirling his hair in her fingers...god I missed that feeling.

Getting drunk probably wasnt one of the brightest ideas the group of us has ever had. I should have known it would end badly. I was telling Dominic about everything. How Id fucked up, how I didnt deserve her..then I went off on a rant out of nowhere.

"Why would you do that to Reiley?" He asked after I told him about the Adrienne conflict.
"I dont know, I was almost positive she didnt love me anyway. Dont act like you deserve her anymore than I do. Do you know how long Ive waited... how god damn patient I have been!?" I hadnt realized how loud I was.
"What do you mean?"
"What do I mean...I mean, I have been tortured and messed with all my life by her. I have watched her get crushed by to many guys to count, including myself. But I never forced her into anything, I always waited for her to come to me! Do you know how tiring that can be!? Do you know-" I felt a tug at my arm and my feet were moving.
Reiley was dragging me into another room by my arm. Once we were there she turned towards me.

"What in the hell is the matter with you Billie Joe?!"
"What! Its true. Ive waited so long..." my eyes were starting to glaze over...only not form the alcohol, "I really have wanted you all my life Reiley. Its one thing Ive always been certain about. That I needed you more than you did me." She looked at me dead in the face. I didnt have to be sober to see that she was hurting to.
"Billie," we were both crying now,"Thats not true. You loved Adie. I know you did. Im sor-sorry." She hiccuped. We stood there looking at each other...still crying

What does she mean shes sorry. If shes sorry than she doesnt want to hurt. She doesnt want to be hurt, or hurt me...but she doesnt think she can have both. How can I make her see she can.

<3 cmnts