Love Drunk

I sat alone in my apartment in Andover, Massachusetts. Alone was starting to become a very familiar thing to me. When I was little my grandmother used to tell me that no one should be alone on their birthday and that she would always come to see me on my birthdays, but here I sit. Alone. On my twenty first birthday. Don’t I feel like a loser? I had plans to spend today with my fiancé and my three best friends and their girlfriends. We were going to go out and get beer and shit and bring it back here. We would’ve gone bar hopping but Poolie isn’t old enough yet. We should be doing that in a few months for his twenty first though. Anyways I had those plans, until about three days ago. My ‘fiancé’ is no longer my fiancé. Her name is Savannah. I remember the day we met.

John had convinced me to come to some stupid party about a month into our senior year. She was the friend of one of his friends. We were the only two sober ones at that party. We sat out on the back porch for hours and just talked. She seemed too good to be true. A few months later I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. We had our fair share of fights like any one else. We were by no means the perfect couple but we loved each other. At least I loved her. Savannah was the first girl I had ever fallen in love with. We were together for a little over three years. We were engaged for six months of that time. Our wedding was in two months. In August because it was Savannah’s favorite month of the year. She loved the weather. She was always prone to colder weather.

Three days ago… Wednesday, the third of June… the worst day of my life.

I was out with Poolie, John, and Bryan at an interview with Friends or Enemies. I was gone most of the day and she had left for work before I woke up. We went to lunch and then to the interview and I didn’t get back home until around five o’clock. Savannah should’ve been home, maybe making dinner or watching TV or something. I walked into the apartment and heard nothing but silence. I went to the living room but it looked exactly how I’d left it this morning. The TV off and the remote sitting on the coffee table. I went to the kitchen but she wasn’t there either, the sink still contained the bowl and spoon I had used for my cereal this morning. I started back to the bedroom but she wasn’t there either. I paused as I was leaving… something was off. I turned around and looked around the room for a minute. I felt the blood drain from my face. I walked slowly to the closet. Her things were gone… ripped from their hangers. All her shoes were gone. I used to tease her about how many she had.

“No, no this can’t be happening,” I stuttered out in a whisper. I ran to our dresser and ripped the drawers open to find half of them empty. I left them open and went to the basket in the kitchen where we put our keys. Her’s were gone. I went to the bathroom next and all her things were gone from there too. I went back to the kitchen and it was only then that I noticed the open notebook on the counter. I walked over to it slowly. It was a note and the diamond I had given her six months before was setting on top of it.

Martin,

I’m sure by now you realize that I’ve left. I’m sure you’re probably freaking out and wondering why. I can’t do it Martin. I can’t marry you. I’m not ready. I’m nineteen years old and I have a whole life to live. You have your dreams too. I’m sorry it had to be this way.

- Savannah

When the guys showed up for dinner that night like they usually would they found me in the living room. I was sitting on the floor in front of the mantle and the fireplace. I had her ring in my hands and I was looking at the pictures of us on the mantle. One of us on our first date, one of us at the park, one of us after graduation, one of us on the day that I told her I’d love her forever, one of us the day I proposed to her. They were memories, precious, precious memories. Poolie, John, and Bryan stayed for at least three hours that night. I told them that I didn’t want to have a party or anything for my twenty first birthday and they didn’t try to convince me otherwise. As I’m sitting here though, alone in my apartment, I can’t quite understand why. I’m only going to turn twenty one once, why not celebrate that fact. So I picked up the phone and I called my friends.

To say they were confused was an understatement. Bryan agreed to stop and get some drinks and John and Poolie said they’d grab some food. When they got there I told them my epiphany. By eleven thirty we were all past drunk so we crashed on the couches and the floor. We all had hangovers but we remembered the night before so that was a good sign.

-

One Month Later

I pulled into the parking lot and walked up the stairs to my apartment. The phone was ringing off the hook when I got there. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed it.

“Hello?” I asked more than answered. I didn’t have caller ID it was a waste of money. If I didn’t want to talk to someone then I was more than willing to hang up on them.

“Martin?” I froze and the phone nearly slipped through my fingers. I knew that voice.

“Y-yes,” I stuttered attempting to recover.

“It’s Savannah, do you think we could get together and talk?” she asked apprehensively.

“U-uh, um, s-sure, I-I guess,” I choked out.

“Alright, meet me at the Starbucks down the street from your apartment in ten minutes,” she told me.

“Ok,” I agreed quietly before the line went dead. I stood there for a few minutes with the phone still held up to my ear. I finally got control of myself and walked to grab my keys. Everything I did felt robotic. I didn’t even feel like I was actually doing these things, more like I was watching myself do them. I pulled into the Starbucks parking lot much to my dismay. I was surprised I made it in one piece. I got up and walked inside. My heart beat sped up when I spotted her in the far corner. She hadn’t changed in the past month, but then I didn’t really expect her to. I went over and sat down. We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes before I couldn’t stand it anymore. “Was there a point to you calling, if so could you get to it? I have things to do,” I told her with acid in my voice. I was angry now that I had complete control over myself and my emotions again. She recoiled from my tone like I’d slapped her.

“Martin, I’m sorry that I left the way I did but I was scared. I missed you,” she whispered the last part. I could feel the blatant disbelief on my face and I’m sure she could see it.

“You walked out… You left me… and now all the sudden you want back in? Is that what you’re saying?” I asked incredulously.

“Yes,” she murmured reaching across the table to touch my hands where they were folded in front of me. I pulled them back. I looked at her for a minute before I stood up and left. I left her like she left me. It surprised me, how easy it was to leave without a second glance. I had spent the last month living my life. I realized that I didn’t need her as much as I once thought.

-

Two Months Later

She kept calling. I just couldn’t catch a break. It seemed like every time I walked in the door the phone was ringing and it was always her and I always hung up and soon as I figured that out. She just couldn’t take a hint. I was surprised she was holding on this long. She was the one who left after all. When we left for tour she was always calling my cell phone. Those I just didn’t answer. Our home show is tomorrow and she hasn’t been calling quite as much lately. I pushed her from my mind and tried to sleep but my phone rang yet again. I checked the caller ID, sent her to voicemail and then turned my phone off. I fell asleep quickly.

-

“We’ve got one more song for you lovely people,” I said into the microphone. I looked out over the crowd. I knew a lot of the faces. I had always loved playing home shows. I looked down and had to contain the surprise I felt. She stood front row. She must’ve just gotten there. I didn’t look at her long. “This song is about love, falling in love and then out of love. It’s about moving on,” I said. “This song is called Love Drunk.”

“Top down in the summer sun.
The day we met was like a hit and run,
And I still taste it on my tongue.
The sky was burning up like fireworks.
You made me want you oh so bad it hurt,
But girl, in case you haven’t heard.

I used to be love drunk,
But now I’m hung-over.
I loved you forever,
Forever is over.
We used to kiss all night,
Now it’s just a bar fight.
So don’t call me crying,
Say hello to goodbye.

Cause just one sip would make me say,
I used to be love drunk,
But now I’m hung-over.
I loved you forever,
But now it’s over.”