Maybe Memories

The train ride home felt oddly different. Estelle was sitting very close to Sirius. Remus was on the other side of her and put his book down a lot more often that before to join the conversation. peter was going on and on about his O.W.L.s, still. James was in a much better mood because Lily Evans was not sitting with Severus Snape. In fact, she hadn't spoken to him since the Wednesday they took their Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L..

"...and this summer, you're all coming to my place," James said. "My parent will love you guys."

Sirius smiled thinking about Mr. and Mrs. Potter. They were much more like parents to him than his own. He shifted closer to Estelle.

When they got off the train, Sirius wasted as much time as possible getting off the train. He said goodbye to everyone twice and hugged Estelle four times. Which, of course, left his mother with reasons to fuss. For the rest of the day, she went on about his poor decisions.

Most of the summer, he spent in his room, as usual. He had all of his room entirely memorized; every piece of wood on the floorboard, all the patterns on the wallpaper, and every single spec of dust that had collected because even Kreacher hated Sirius. The highlight of his days was, of course, receiving letters from James, Peter, Remus, and of course Estelle.

Dear Sirius,

It's really sweet of you to pretend you're keeping up with Astronomy over the summer. But honestly, you can drop it.

I miss you too. So, so, so much. Ridiculous isn't it? Both of us. I can't wait to see you. I'm glad James invited us to stay. Hopefully we'll be going soon.

You're compliments really are charming, thank you. If it means anything, I miss your laugh too. I've been having dreams about you. My god, I'm turning into one of those love-sick girls I hate. Thanks a lot. Better you than some phrat.

I really can't wait to see you.

Love, Estelle

"Touching..." Sirius muttered, grinning.

Then the day turned into a nightmare. Bellatrix skipped down the hallway and into the room. "Getting letters from your mud-blood girlfriend?" she asked, observing the letter in his hands.

"And it's any of your business how?" Sirius replied.

She snatched the letter out of his hands.

He pulled out his wand, "Give it back!"

"Oh, but you're not allowed to use magic outside of school!" Bellatrix exclaimed.

"You're such a cruel bitch."

She pointed her wand at him, "I won't hesitate for a moment."

"Fine, Bellatrix, fine!" Sirius growled, "Go! Go and take the letter to my mum and dad. Make my day!"

"I think your mum and dad are sick of their son being a blood traitor," Bellatrix sneered.

"I don't give a damn!"

Bellatrix pulled her wand back, "Interesting." She turned on her heels and skipped down the hall.

I don't need this.

Sirius began gathering his things; his school robes, his ink and quills, letters, books, and anything else he could fit in his trunk. He put on his black muggle leather jacket, the one that his mum hated.

"Sirius Black!"

Dragging his trunk behind him, Sirius followed the sound of his mother's voice. As usual, she was unhappy. This was it, he was finished.

"Sirius!" she screeched.

He left his trunk in the foyer and headed to the drawing room.

"You filthy blood traitor!" Walburga Black yelled at her son, "How dare you! A dirty little mud-blood! I can hardly believe even you would sink to such a level. Sending letters to her with our family owls."

As if the owls blood mattered to.

"You do well to keep your mouth shut about such things!" she continued, "Afraid, am I right?" she pulled out her wand.

Sirius stayed silent. Bellatrix was cackling in the background.

"Can't do anything right, can you?" she screamed.

"No, I can't, by your standards," Sirius said coolly, "I don't care. I'm leaving..."

"Leaving?"

"Yes, I'm leaving," Sirius said, "I'm finished listening to your ridicule."

Regulus was doing his best to hold his tongue in the background.

"If you leave," Orion Black spoke up, "don't bother returning. You'll be removed from the family, like your dear cousin."

"I don't care," Sirius replied.

"Where are you going to stay?" his mother asked, "With those damn blood traitors, the Potters?"

Sirius did not reply.

As she continued, she backed him into the wall, against the Family tapestry. "If you're leaving, you might was well watch first." For a moment, Sirius thought she was aiming at him, then saw that his name was inches from his head. There was a flash of light, and his name was blasted off of the family tree. "Now, get out!" she screeched.

Sirius did exactly what she said, for once. Without a word, he pulled his trunk out the door. He lugged his trunk down the sidewalk of London. After a few minutes he put his trunk down and sat on it.

I should've at least stolen an owl.

It wasn't sadness that he felt. No, it was almost happiness, to be free from those walls. There was no way a smile could come across his lips. In a way, it hurt, but he would never admit it. He watched as muggle cars passed.

Before the day was over, he had gotten a muggle cab to take him to James'. the Potters were happy to have Sirius join them. When he explained what had happened, James' parents told him he was welcome to stay as long as he needed to.

That night, Sirius lied on his back, in the guest room--in his room-- starring at the ceiling. Something still didn't feel right, but he was doing the right thing. He knew it.

The rest of the Marauders were invited to James' soon after Sirius arrived. The five of them spent most of their days out in the yard, lying in the grass. One evening, Sirius and Estelle sat on the hillside watching the sun set.

"You look very distant," Estelle said.

"I've been thinking," Sirius replied.

"About what?"

"Growing my hair out."

Estelle rolled her eyes, "It's about leaving home, isn't it?"

Sirius shrugged.

That might, as soon as she was entirely sure everyone else had gone to bed, Estelle tip-toed across the hallway to Sirius' room. The light from the lamp post outside outlined the room and Sirius' lying form. He sat up and smiled at her.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

She returned his smile, "I wanted to talk to you."

He propped himself against the wall and Estelle joined him. He slinked his arm around her waist. "And what was wrong with talking earlier?"

"I feel like I'm getting more privacy at night," she replied.

"That's weird."

She stuck her tongue out at him.

He smiled.

"So, what's wrong with you?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't."

"It's like your not really here."

He stayed silent. Did leaving his house honestly effect him this much? Maybe it was because he hadn't spoken a word of it, other than to say he actually had left.

"What is it?" she pressed on.

"I'm glad I left home," Sirius said, "There wasn't a day I was in that house and happy. My mum and I were always screaming at each other. I don't like what they believe. It wasn't really a home..."

"If you're glad you left, then what's wrong?" she asked.

"I just wish things were different."

"Well, of course," she said.

"I wish that my parents--my mum-- could accept who I am," he sighed. "In a way i just want my mum to be like a mum. You know? Not care what kind of choices I make, but love me anyway. And to know she didn't even care to take me off the family tree, right in front of my face..." He could've sworn he felt tears in his eyes.

"Has to hurt a little," she finished for him. She pulled him into a hug.

"They're going to turn Reggie into a death eater," Sirius said, his voice breaking a little at the last words, "He's fourteen years old... He doesn't have a choice. They've brainwashed him.

"When I left, when my mum blew my name right off the tapestry, Bellatrix was cackling. God, she's the worst of them all. It's her fault. She ripped the letter out of my hands..."

"The letter I wrote you?" Estelle questioned.

"Yeah..." Sirius replied, "I don't care what they think, though. I love you. Estelle and there isn't a doubt about that or anything that could change it. I just wish I could care what they think. i wish my family was a real family that would be happy for me and my friends...and my...well, you."

"Girlfriend," Estelle added.

"You really mean that?" Sirius asked.

"Yes," Estelle replied, "I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

He hugged her tight.

After a moment, she pulled back, only to press her lips to his. he put everything he was feeling into the kiss. Their lips moved in a love-sick rhythm. he moved his mouth from hers, to her neck.

"And I see what your real motives were..." Sirius whispered into her neck.

She felt her checks flush, "Not exactly."

He smiled and pulled her as tight as he could against him. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

She pushed her lips back against his, now hungry for his kiss. Her hands ran across his already bare back. he pulled back and stared at her for a moment. She removed her own shirt. He opened his mouth to protest, he honestly did, but she pressed her lips back to his.

Somehow, things continued to progress to a point even he didn't expect. She was beneath him, and he stopped in his tracks to sigh.

"What?" she asked.

"Are you...sure about this?" he breathed.

"I am if you are," Estelle replied, running her thumb along his cheek.

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"I'm fine, I want this," she said.

"Alright..." Sirius muttered.