Maybe Memories

Light snow was falling, as Estelle, Sirius, Remus, and Peter walked down the lane from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade. James was a crowd ahead with Lily. The bitterness from the death of his father was beginning to wear off, and James had changed his attitude quite a bit. Sirius could see that he had new older eyes.

"Wormtail, you want to tell us about this club you've been going to or are we going to have to force Evans to make us some Veritaserum?" Sirius questioned.

Peter laughed weakly, "Alright, alright. It's not all club oriented."

"Oh, is that so?" Sirius pressed on.

"I'm sort of...seeing someone too..." Peter said.

Sirius laughed, "Really?"

"Shut up, Padfoot!" Peter exclaimed, his face was flushed red, "It's not funny! I haven't even told you who."

"Sirius snickered, "Alright, alright, fine. Who is it then?"

"Tabitha Fenwick..." Peter muttered.

Sirius laughed.

"She's nice!" Estelle said, "A little--"

"An absolute nutter, that one is!" Sirius exclaimed, roaring with laughter. "Does her brother know?" Sirius questioned, remembering a very large, bulky Benjy Fenwick.

"I don't know..." Peter muttered.

"Hey Prongs!" Sirius called.

Estelle rolled her eyes.

James walked back to meet up with them, still holding hands with Lily. "What's that, Padfoot?"

"Wormtail here has a girlfriend," Sirius said.

"Yeah, doesn't he know, left hands don't count," James said.

Peter had turned the same shade of red as his scarf. Sirius howled with laughter. Even Remus was snickering a bit.

Lily rolled her eyes, "Who are you seeing, Peter?"

"Tabitha Flenwick," Sirius answered for him, grinning.

"Oh, she's--"

"Completely mental!" James exclaimed, laughing. Both James and Sirius were laughing so hard it had almost brought them to tears.

"She's a character," Lily said, "but nice all the same. I'm happy for you."

"Me too," Estelle added.

"Yeah, you're one step ahead of me anyway," Remus smiled weakly.

"This is exactly why he didn't tell you two!" Estelle growled.

James and Sirius continued laughing.

"Alright, James, come on," Lily said, "That's enough."

James snickered, "Alright."

"Lily-flower got you all tied up then?" Sirius laughed.

"I don't want to hear it from you," James said.

"Exactly," Estelle said patting Sirius on the head, "I've got Padfoot here well trained. I just let him run loose with his ickle play mates."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius questioned, grinning, facing her.

"Yep," Estelle responded.

"Really?" Sirius said and picked her up around the waist. He twirled her around, "Who's in charge of who now?" He kissed her playfully before throwing her over his shoulder.

"Put me down!" she shrieked, laughing.

The following day was a Sunday, which was quiet, as normal. A very light snow was falling again, and it had left a power across the Hogwarts grounds. Sirius still wanted to go to visit Hagrid. He felt it was necessary to do so at least once a week since it was their last year. He could sit and talk about beasts with Hagrid for hours. James declined the invitation to stay in the common room and "study" with Lily. Peter was no where to be found. Estelle and Remus trailed along with Sirius.

Sirius was nearly four feet ahead of them. Estelle shook her head, smiling. She decided that now was the only time she would have alone with Remus.

"You're pretty much my best friend. You know that, don't you?" she asked.

Remus gave a weak smile, "It's always nice to have my memory refreshed."

Estelle smiled. "I was wondering... I can't help but notice you're a bit off. What's wrong with you?"

"You noticed?" Remus said quietly. He looked over to the snow-covered mountains.

"Oi! You two coming or not?" Sirius called.

"Give us a minute!" Estelle replied.

Sirius shrugged and continued on into Hagrid's hut.

"Of course I noticed," Estelle said.

Remus looked back at her. After a few minutes, he responded, "I'm beginning to feel more alone then ever."

"Alone? What are you talking about?" Estelle questioned, "Haven't we--"

"No, you guys have really done wonderfully in making me feel welcome," Remus said, he stared walking back towards the Herbology greenhouses, "but I've just come to realize that someone like me...was never meant to be here around normal people like this."

Estelle looked puzzled, "I hardly understand."

"Werewolves are considered monsters, Estelle," Remus hissed, "Not fit to live in society. I'm a danger to--"

"You're not!" Estelle exclaimed, "You're not a monster! You're not a danger!"

"I am," he said, "and by being with you, all of the Marauders, I'm outcasting you. If it ever slips, I know that none of you would leave my side, but everyone else would leave you!"

"I don't care."

They continued on past the greenhouses. The Quidditch pitch was in the background.

"Well, I do," Remus sighed, "I don't want to do that to you. I could never forgive myself for putting you on the spot that way."

"I don't care!"

"And that's exactly the problem..."

"What?"

"You care...about me," he said, "It isn't fair."

Estelle shook her head, "I wish I could understand--"

"I'm going to say this against my better judgement," Remus stopped and took a deep breath, "I...I love you. I've always loved you. I've needed to say this...but I was always afraid you would consider. I didn't want you to be with someone like me. Now that you're in love with Sirius, I can at least get it off my chest knowing that you're safe."

"That I'm safe? Did you ever even consider yourself here?"she exclaimed, "My God, Remus, you should've said something that way it wasn't all bottled up like that. It's unhealthy! And don't think for two seconds that if I wasn't sure Sirius and I were meant to be, I wouldn't consider."

"Thank God for Sirius..." Remus muttered. Estelle couldn't tell if it was a sarcastic comment or not.

"If you're honestly stopping yourself from having a relationship because you're scared for the girls..."

"It's no use anyway," he said, "I haven't seen a girl look twice at me. I think it's my scars..."

"You listen to me," she said. "Those scars," she ran her fingers across his cheek, tracing a scar with her fingertips, "they're beautiful."

He grabbed her hand, "Estelle--"

"No, listen to me. They show--"

"My biggest weakness."

"How strong you are! How strong you are to have made it this far, at such a young age."

"Maybe to you, but to an outsider they aren't..."

"You're going to have to stop being so pessimistic!"

"You don't know what it's like!"

"No, I don't..."

He sighed, "Just...I'm fine now, alright?"

Estelle opened her mouth to speak, but Remus held up his hand in protest. He turned around and left her standing there.

"Remus!" She exclaimed, "Moony!"

He never turned around.

She kicked at the ground and followed him back inside the castle, towards the Gryffindor tower and to the common room. He knew she wouldn't press on, not there anyway.

"Where's Sirius?" James asked.

Remus paused, but no words would come out. He continued past the common room on to the dormitory.

Estelle sighed, "Sirius is still at Hagrid's I suppose..."

"You suppose? Weren't you with him?" James asked.

"Well, I was, then Remus and I were talking," Estelle said.

James furrowed his eyebrows, "Is there something wrong?"

"No, not really. Remus is just a bit worried about his social life."

Lily shot Estelle a look, almost like she knew exactly what was going on.

"He'll be alright then," James said.

Peter glanced up from his book, looking worried.

A few moments later, Sirius came bustling into the common room. "Where've you been?" he asked Estelle sharply.

"Remus and I were talking," Estelle said, "we started talking when you got ahead of us and he needed to talk to me."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius asked, "What were you talking about? And why didn't you come and find me!?"

"Remus wanted to go back to the common room--"

"So you followed instead of coming back to me?" Sirius questioned, "Really? Well, what was so important!?"

"Definitely nothing the whole common room needs to hear," Estelle said, eyeing the curious onlookers, "And you have a tendency to raise your voice."

"It's not my fault I like to voice my opinion!" Sirius replied.

"Oh, so in other words, you're obnoxious and we all have to deal with it?" Estelle questioned.

"Yeah!" Sirius actually, full-on yelled.

Estelle rolled her eyes.

"I know what's going on here," Peter spoke up, "It's not hard to see we're all cracking under pressure. The Dark Lord and all, it's making us...weary and well, if we can't trust each other, who can we trust?"

James stood up and put his hand on Peter's shoulder, "He's right."

"Yeah," Sirius muttered.

Estelle nodded, "Well said, Wormtail."

"I wish Moony would've been in here to hear that," Peter said, "I think he needed to hear it as well."

"It's his 'fury little problem'," James said, lowering his voice, "It's really got him down."

Estelle nodded. She vowed to herself she would never speak of Remus claiming to love her. If Sirius knew, he would throw a fit. It was something between the two of them exclusively. She would never bring it up again. It would be forgotten.