Maybe Memories

For once, Estelle was in the girl's dormitory in her own assigned bed, with her own chosen roommates. Janis Holmes was turned over on her side, pretending to sleep. At one point, she started pretending Estelle didn't exist, likely due to something Sirius related. Rachel Conor was, as usual, not inside the dormitory and likely wouldn't be until later. She had a Marauders-worthy sleeping schedule.

Quietly, Estelle changed into her pajamas. She sat on the side of her bed, running her hands over a shirt of Sirius' that had somehow come to be in her possession.

"Estelle?" Lily Evans asked.

She looked up, "Oh, yeah. It's me, in my own bed, at a decent hour."

"Yes, that's what startled me," Lily teased.

Estelle smiled, "So Lily, how are you these days, getting on with James and all?"

"Things are well," Lily replied.

"James is much more pleasant," Estelle said.

Lily smiled and rolled her eyes a little, "Yes, well..."

Estelle laughed.

Lily took a seat next to Estelle, "Did you tell Sirius?"

"Tell him what?" Estelle questioned, hoping that she wasn't referring to what she thought.

"Did you tell Sirius," she lowered her voice, "about what Remus told you? I know he told you. He told me he told you."

"You knew?"

"Yes," Lily said, "I just want to know if Sirius knows and how I can help handle the situation."

Estelle shook her head, "No, and I don't plan on telling him. He wouldn't like that much..."

Lily nodded, "You're right. Some things are better left unsaid."

"Yes, like Remus telling me in the first place," Estelle muttered.

"It was driving him mad," Lily said.

"Well, I just wish... If he likes me so much why didn't he tell me earlier?" Estelle said, "I mean it's just...complicated to think about."

"Maybe he didn't want the stress on you, and didn't want to bend he and Sirius' friendship."

"Maybe he needs to stop thinking about everyone else, and think about himself."

"I've always told him that," Lily said, "and he always told me to take my own advice."

"Do you ever think 'What if?'" Estelle asked.

Lily looked at her hands folded in her lap, "Well, that's only natural for everyone to think."

"Well, that's what I've been thinking," Estelle said, "And it makes me question the place I am in this present moment. It makes me question my fate and what was actually supposed to happen. They say everything happens for a reason. Was this the reason I'm supposed to stop where I am and... I love Sirius, and I'm fully sure of that. It's different than anything I've ever felt before. He gets on my last nerve but I love him for it. I never even thought of anything else. Now, it's like I've had a whole new spectrum introduced to me..."

"I know. Trust me, I know," Lily said, "You've just got to go with what you feel you need to."

"I don't want to hurt anyone," Estelle said.

"Someone has to get hurt," Lily replied.

It didn't seem fair that Estelle sat here with all her problems surfacing, while Lily sat there pretending she knew how it felt. It didn't seem fair that only Estelle had to spew out her painful feelings. "What if Severus Snape hadn't called you a... you-know-what 2 years ago?"

"Well, he did so, it doesn't matter much now, does it?" Lily replied, prepared to avoid that conversation, due to the fact that as soon as the phrase 'what if' came up, she automatically thought of Severus Snape.

"I guess not," Estelle said, "just rather curious, as well. As much as James obsessed over you, I think things turned out quite well. If you're both happy, I mean."

"Are you happy?"

"Very. Are you?"

"Yes."

The next upcoming Hogsmeade weekend was in November. It was cold and rainy. The heavy rain did wait until they had settled inside the Three Broomsticks with a warm butterbeer in hand.

Sirius was making the best of the trip. By his 6th butterbeer, he was traveling throughout the whole place to communicate with everyone there, besides Slytherins, of course. This wasn't entirely uncommon.

"God, I wish he would sit down," Estelle muttered.

James snickered.

"Nah, he was due a day like this," Remus said, "He hasn't done this since last April."

Estelle sighed, "I suppose." She looked up and saw Sirius in between two bar stools, leaning forward and seemingly having a conversation with Madam Rosmerta. The two on the stools beside him looked slightly amused. Estelle rolled her eyes.

"How's astronomy coming along?" Remus asked.

"Lovely, thanks," Estelle said, smiling, "Venus is actually passing by the constellation Draco's brightest star on Wednesday. At which point it will be some-what difficult to tell the difference between the two without a telescope. It's something that doesn't happen quite often. It's really quite interesting for someone who loves looking at the different star patterns. If weather permits, I'll be going to observe."

"Isn't Venus one of the more difficult planets to pick out of the night sky as it is?"

"Yes, that and Mercury."

At this point the conversation was cut off, because Sirius had approached their table. "I feel it's necessary for me to make this announcement," he pulled Estelle up by her arm. She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, bloody hell, Sirius--"

"This is the most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Much-less being lucky enough to have her," Sirius put his arm around her and smiled, "I love her and if you have a problem--"

"Sirius stop it."

"Challenge me now. That's right. Keep your eyes to yourself, Cresswell, Slugs don't impress her."

"Will you sit down!"

"Not until I do this," he said grinning. He put his arm around her waist and kissed her. It was a kiss that was inappropriate for public.

"Oi, Sirius!" James called, "Are you making a wedding proposal or what? Come on then, stop embarrassing her."

Sirius pulled away, grinning, "Oi James, mind your business, mate."

"Mind my business? You've made your business the whole taverns business."

On the walk back, a misty rain was still falling. James and Sirius were laughing. James had reverted back to being childish, perhaps more-so than before. Estelle loomed behind them, lost in some-what of a daydream. Peter looked as if he wasn't even really there, as he often did these days. Behind them Remus and Lily were talking quietly.

"I remember on three separate occasions, Frank Longbottom was sitting outside of the portrait, hoping someone would be entering with the password, last year," Sirius said, laughing.

"You know," James said, "he's training to become an Auror."

"Longbottom?" Sirius said, "best hope he doesn't have to remember anything then."

"I want to catch those slime balls and kill them," James said.

"Wouldn't mind getting my hands on Lucius Malfoy," Sirius growled, "bloody git is surely a death eater."

"You think?" James said, "I know he's nasty, but a death eater? You think he has the stomach to actually kill."

"If there's a Dark Lord telling him to kill. Especially a Dark Lord that likes pure bloods so much," Sirius scoffed, "Mummy and Daddy will be so proud of my wonderful cousin Narcissa for choosing such a lovely man. Narcissa has always been close to her dear older sister Bellatrix. If anyone is a death eater, it's Bellatrix. She's all over the Prophet wanted. If Malfoy is hanging out with that lot, there's no question." Sirius shook off that he'd just mentioned his 'family' for the first time in nearly a year aloud.

James glanced at Sirius, "You think...your brother?"

"Yes," Sirius said, feeling a lump in his throat, "I tried to tell him, you know? I tried.."

"Yeah, I know," James said, "Sorry."

"No...no it's reality," Sirius said, "Sometimes I've got to be reminded. My own brother..."

Estelle leaned forward and grabbed his hand. She squeezed his cold hand and ran her thumb affectionately over his. He smiled a little.

The night only got colder, likely turning the rain into a light snowfall. Even the common room was drafty. Estelle was curled up on the couch next to Sirius reading. On the next chair, Remus was reading as well. While James and Sirius, on the other hand, were discussing their opinions on Quidditch, rather loudly. Peter dared not make a comment, but was as much in the conversation as they were.

"Can't you give it a rest? Or at least turn it down?" Estelle growled, "Some of us are trying to read."

"You are always complaining about how loud I am," Sirius said, "Why don't you give it a rest?"

"I just can't handle you being obnoxious all the time," Estelle said, "Just calm down a little bit and your voice level will quiet down."

"Calm down? Look who's bloody talking!"

"We were practically shouting at each other," James said, "They are trying to read. Let's just--"

"This isn't the blood library!" Sirius interrupted.

"Obviously not..." Estelle muttered.

"Then stop your complaining and go to the blood library," Sirius growled.

"Oh, stop it," Estelle said.

"You started it..." Sirius murmured.

"Yeah, that's mature."

"You did!"

"Let's talk," Estelle said closing her book.

"Talk."

"Alone," she said rising.

"Oh," Sirius said.

"Well, then," James called after them, "Don't let head boy stop you from leaving the tower after hours."

"We'll be back very, very shortly," Estelle said.

As Estelle as Sirius left through the portrait hole, Remus shifted uncomfortably. and attempted to get swallowed back into his book. Though the feeling in his stomach was hard to ignore.