Maybe Memories

"Let me begin with this; I'm tired of everything I say becoming a big joke to you. My feelings are not a joke," Estelle said.

Sirius leaned back on one of the dusty desks, sighing, "I don't think your feelings are a joke."

"Then why don't you take me seriously?" she asked.

"Come on, now. Let's just take our anger down a notch and talk--"

"Yeah, look who's talking," Estelle said, then muttered, "Calm down my arse..."

Sirius sighed, "Alright, alright. Let's not fight. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I snapped at you and didn't take your request seriously."

"Good."

"You tend to call me out on my flaws and I guess I try to get you back," Sirius said.

"I do?" Estelle questioned, "When did I?"

"Just today at breakfast; 'My God, Sirius, you're not starving', then while I was practicing my Charms homework, 'After 7 years, you'd think you would know how to listen to Flitwick. Move your wand this way'," Sirius said making a demonstration, "and again, on the way to Hogsmeade, 'Do something about that messy hair', and in the common room, of course, 'I can't stand you being obnoxious all the time'," Sirius swallowed, "Can't you at least be a little nicer about it?"

"Sirius, I'm sorry..." Estelle said, "I never meant to hurt you. You're great. I was just teasing you about your messy hair, really," she shook her head, "I bet I have flaws that you don't like!"

"Nope, you're perfect," Sirius said. She gave him a look. "Alright fine," he said, "There are some, but I don't go picking them out."

"I don't go picking your out either."

"They're just much more apparent..."

She took both of his hands, "I love you, messy hair and arrogance." She kissed him, softly.

He grinned, "I love you too." He kissed her this time, deeper pulling her closer to him. He moved his hands from hers and allowed them to search her body. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He took the opportunity to pick her up and prop her on a desk.

"I knew you were secretly leading me out of the common room to seduce me," Sirius whispered against her neck.

She chuckled, "You know me well."

He grinned, "Afraid of getting caught?"

"Was I the other...countless times?"

"Yes," he said, and began to unbutton her shirt.

"I like the thrill of possibly being caught," she replied, wrapping her legs around his waist.

"You are a marauder."

She rolled her eyes.

Remus sighed to himself and closed his book. It just wasn't working. "I'm going to sleep," he announced.

"Alright, Moony," James said, "don't celebrate the weekend until early morning hours like the rest of us."

Remus smiled, "I'm terribly tired, Prongs."

When he turned toward the dormitory, and shuffled across the room, he grimaced. He clutched his book tighter as the stomach acid lurched. It wasn't as if he hadn't felt this way before. It wasn't as if it was any worse than usual. It was simply the fact that he'd told her the way he felt. Even though he didn't expect her to 'pick' him, in a way, he wished she would have.

Sighing to himself, he climbed into his bed and drew the curtains. Monsters aren't meant to be happy anyway.

By late November, snow was powdered on the grounds. Lily had been promoted to honorary almost-Marauder.

"She might as well take Pete's place," Sirius muttered to Estelle.

She nodded sadly, in agreement. It had been an oddity to see Peter outside of classes.

James was scanning over the Daily Prophet, looking for names he recognized. He sighed, "Well, the parents of the Bones' were found dead inside there home."

Estelle's mouth hung opened a little.

"That's awful," Lily muttered.

Sirius swallowed the lump in his throat. Sure he never cared for Jasper Bones, but he'd never wish that on him.

"They must've been fighting on our side," Remus said.

"I wonder if they were in the Order--"

"Shhh!" the others interrupted Sirius.

"Oh, bloody hell," Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes, "we all know we're all in it!"

"That's still not something for us to discuss," Remus said.

Sirius grumbled.

"Estelle, read this..." James said and passed the paper her way.

She looked down at the paper at the headline: Assumed Death Eater Escapes from Her Prison: The Imperious Curse

Accused death eater, Daphne Danvers, responsible for more than ten deaths, was trialed yesterday. She arrived with an auror to the Ministry, alive but bound, with the story she was under a curse.

"We were all very suspicious," says the Minister himself, "but it only seemed fair to at least let this poor woman plee her case."

Danvers has said she was under the Imperious curse, when she left her home nearly seventeen years ago. She had earlier fled from her home in France to keep away from what she described as 'dark-looking wizards, with an odd air'. In her home in London, she was put under the curse and left her home. For years, she was put under the curse to kill, then locked inside various cellars.

In result, she was released and her where-abouts are now unknown.

Beside the article was a picture of a woman that looked eerily similar to Estelle, except much older, and much thinner. There were bags under her eyes, and even when she smiled, there was no light in her eyes, like there were in the wedding picture.

Sirius was looking at the article too, wide eyed.

"I wonder where she is," James said, "...I wonder how many death eaters there really are..."

That night, Sirius and Estelle were in the common room, just sitting in silence. The crackling fire was the only noise.

"When we leave here," Estelle began, "It's not going to be a pretty place out there, like I've dreamed... Is it?"

"No, it's probably not," Sirius whispered, "I wish I could tell you otherwise, but I can't."

She sighed, "When I entered into this new world, I never expected anything I've found. I just thought I could makes things happen. When I met Dumbledore, inside my living room, eight years ago, I thought that all wizards were like him; wise, kind, and friendly. My mind never wondered about danger, with a man like him in charge of my school.

"I didn't even think twice about being muggle-born. I read so I would be knowledgeable. I was shy until I adjusted to things. It wasn't because I was scared, it was because I wanted to be just like everyone else.

"I slowly realized, that in a place like this, I had to learn to defend myself, because it does matter that I'm muggle-born. Then, I found out that I wasn't muggle-born, but it's still a problem because I'm still not a pure-blood. I never thought of the dark side that I know now..."

Sirius looked into her eyes, "There's dark and light in every 'world', every community, and every person. I was the entire opposite of you. I never knew there were people who approved of non-pure-bloods. I thought I was the only on who didn't really know or even care about the difference. I came to Hogwarts and met you and Remus... I knew blood didn't matter. Coming here was a matter of learning, much more than spells, for all of us.

"Voldemort will fail because there are too many fighting him."

"Just today, James questioned the number of death eaters," she said.

"But that's where we've got to have hope and faith that there are more good people than bad," Sirius said, "That's where we must protect and make sure people aren't afraid."

"I want to meet my mother," Estelle said abruptly, "She can help us."

"I'll help you find her."

"You will?" she asked.

"Of course."

November turned into December, where more snow began to fall. James and Lily had grown even closer. Sirius appreciated that she made James happy. He also envied her for stealing away his best friend. Although, he was sure James had felt the same way about Estelle, even if she was a Marauder.

When Christmas came about, Sirius arranged to spend most of his time with Estelle to give James time with his mother. James wanted her to meet Lily, before it was too late...

When break was over, and tern resumed, the teachers weren't much better at presenting hope than the students were. Sirius stared at his Charms essay, unable to concentrate on what he was doing.

"It's Friday night," Estelle said, "let's take a break and walk around the courtyard."

"But, it's nearly seven," Sirius stated.

"Since when do you follow the rules?" Remus questioned, smiling. Sirius grinned and rose from his seat.

Estelle, Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter climbed through the portrait hole. The empty corridors echoed their footsteps. It was eerily silent.

Outside, the sun was sinking behind the bare, dead trees, leaking its yellow light onto the glowing snow. The darkening sky already held many stars. Estelle gazed upward for a long time. Sirius held her hand. Remus and Peter were whispering of herbology and potions.

Meanwhile, James had moved ahead of them. He looked as if he was trying to disappear into the sunset. Suddenly, he fell to his knees.

Quickly, Sirius dropped Estelle's hand and raced forward, the other Marauders behind him. Sirius sank beside James.

"What happened? Are you alright?" Sirius questioned, his hand on James' shoulder.

James' lip was trembling. A sob escaped as he replied, "That's just it... I'm alright. My poor mother is at home, alone. She's going to die alone, w-without me..."

Estelle put her hand on James' face, "James Potter, you are highly aware that your mother isn't holding anything against you. She's proud that you're finishing school, and glad that you're happy."

James met her eyes. A single tear slipped down his cheek and froze in place, "I feel so terrible."

Sirius shook his head, "You'll be alright."

"She'll be alright," Remus added.