Maybe Memories

Giving up on being bitter, Sirius told Remus he was welcome to come to their house whenever he wanted. There was nothing for him to be angry over in the first place. Things getting back to semi-normal after all the recent tragedies helped the strain.

But, even though it seems things were going back to normal, they weren't. Not at all.

The scorching summer turned into a cool fall. Leaves on the trees had begun to change. Rain was coming down outside, dampening the orange leaves fall on the sidewalks.

Estelle sat, uneasy on the bathroom floor. The vial she held in her hand was in the process of changing color. The seconds drug on and her heart raced.

The red began to deepen into a dark purple and slowly to blue. It was unmistakable.

Pain filled her heart. Her eyes welled up with more tears. Then, to top it all off, the vomiting came again, which made her cry even harder.

She sank back into the floor, against the wall. A sob burst through her chest. This wasn't fair. Not now.

"Estelle?" called a voice, but it wasn't Sirius, it was Remus.

She panicked. He didn't need to see her like this. In fact, no one needed to see her like this. But in panic, she dropped the vial on the floor. It shattered, which caused her to scream. Then, she started crying again.

"Are you alright?" he said, now at the door.

She was unable to answer due to the crying.

"Estelle, I'm opening this door," he said, panic now in his voice. The door knob turned and the door flung opened, "What the devil is going on in here?" he questioned, eyes wide, "Why is there glass on the--"

She buried her head in her hands.

He took out his wand and cleaned the glass and potion. Then, he knelt beside her, "What's wrong with you?"

"Oh, Remus," she sobbed, then hugged him tight, still sobbing and unable to speak.

"Estelle, please, tell me what's going on."

Swallowing hard and gasping for breath, she let go of him. She inhaled, "I'm pregnant." She couldn't believe those words actually came out of her mouth.

For just a second, a look crossed his face that was quite upsetting. She could read his thoughts; Why couldn't it have been us?

But that look was quickly replaced with a look of pure confusion, "Wait, what? You just sounded like you were dying in here. Why?"

"Because, I got quite confused and just...started crying. Then, I heard you and I...I dropped the vial," she said, then started crying again.

"Oh, Estelle," he said, "Stop it."

She sighed, wiping her face off, "If it were any other time, I would be happy. I mean, I am happy. This is just... I can't stand the thought of another child--my child--being brought into this world to live in fear. With Voldemort so powerful, I'm scared! I can't have her -- or him-- living in a world with so much fear. James, Lily, and Harry are in such danger. I can't bare the thought...

"Besides all of that, Sirius and I have hardly even spoken of this. We're not even married! What will my dad say? I feel so guilty! I feel awful."

Remus looked sad again. "I understand that everything is very scary. But there's nothing you can do now," he sighed, "You've got to get yourself collected so you can tell Sirius and you two can be happy about it."

"You're right," she said quietly.

But, she didn't tell Sirius.

She passed up many opportunities to tell him. She just didn't know how, where to begin. Days passed... weeks passed. It had finally been a month since she'd found out. Soon, she'd have no choice but to tell him.

She woke up one morning, and decided it was today. Even if it took all day, she wasn't going back to sleep until she told him.

It was Halloween and the last of the trick or treaters were finishing up. She paced the kitchen, thinking of how to put it.

But something felt wrong. Something so wrong. Something terribly wrong that had nothing to do with what she was about to tell Sirius.

"Estelle," Sirius said, coming into the kitchen, "I feel like...like something is going wrong."

"I do too," she replied, "but--"

"I've got to go check on Peter."

"Sirius, wait," she said, following him out of the room and into the living room.

"I have to go. It just feels like I need to go..."

"I'm going with you!" she exclaimed.

"No," he replied, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. "I'll be right back. I just need to check on Peter. Then, I'm going to James and Lily. Just to check."

"I have something to tell you."

"Tell me as soon as I get back," he said, wrapping his arms around her. He kissed her, with more feeling than he had in a very, very long time. Then, he was gone.

She stood there, stunned, listening to to rumbling of the motorbike in the distance, growing further and further away until...it was gone.