Glowsticks

As soon as we reached home, I knew even the stars could not save me from what was about to come. Jackson was fuming and truthfully, he had every reason to be mad at me. I opened the door, and Jackson disappeared somewhere. I went on the porch and sat in a chair, rocking back and forth, gazing up at the stars. The moon was hiding tonight. I couldn’t see it clearly.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had a brother?” Jackson asked behind me, and I tilted my head back, closing my eyes. I knew the next hours would be critical for the both of us. It would decide if there was going to be an ‘us’.

“Come on, Jackson, it’s not like we know that much about each other. I only know of stuff that happened after I met Joseph. I have no idea what you did before that.” I said and I heard him kneel beside me, putting his chin on the arm of the chair.

“It’s because I did nothing special. I have no family, except my grandfather. They all died in a car accident. I went to high school, did nothing there, came back here and prayed never to live in a corporate world. I was still figuring out everything when I met you.” Jackson confessed and I immediately felt bad. I didn’t want to push him to tell me more about himself. I wanted him to want to tell me. I wanted him to be the one who was tormented by all these silly thoughts and fears.

“I haven’t always been this Andie. I did a lot of stupid, wreck less things in the past. And I’m afraid that if I tell you, you’ll run away and never look back.” I murmured and he kissed my hand, that being my answer. I sighed and began telling my story. “I’m not originally from Rosetown. I came here because I got pregnant. I got drunk because I flunked the entry exam for college and somehow slept with a guy that I don’t even remember. That night, looking at the sheets, I realized what I had done but I still refused to believe I was pregnant. A week later, I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I figured I’d better tell my parents. So, I told them and they started yelling, and they forced me to abort. Robert was the one who brought me to the clinic. I remember begging him to let me run off, that I wouldn’t tell anyone, but he wouldn’t let me. I aborted and after I did that, I had a nervous breakdown. Eventually, I fled to Rosetown and broke off contact with them.”

As I finished, I couldn’t look at Jackson. I knew that what I was telling him would scar him deeply and completely change the way he looked at me. But I couldn’t look in his eyes. I couldn’t look at him. If I was right, I’d rather run away or have him run away and break it. Should I have told him? I could have easily lied to him, but I knew my past was bound to come up somehow. I was that unlucky. That, plus I didn’t really know how to lie.

“I’m here.” Jackson whispered.

Neither of us believed the words that escaped his lips. And that was the first step toward damnation.