Glowsticks

Weeks passed mercilessly. Jackson was barely around anymore. Robert came and did his share of trouble around the town. He made sure to remind every citizen of Rosetown the reason why I was here. My life fell back into the routine it was in before Jackson came. Now that he barely came by, I slipped bit by bit into a world of doubt and depression. What I told him had indeed scared him off and I was foolish to believe otherwise. I learned yet again what it was like to live on your own, to fend for yourself and to have no one to talk to but your face in the mirror, early in the morning. I felt empty without Jackson. I couldn’t even sleep in my bed anymore. It held his smell, no matter how many times I washed the sheets. He was stuck there. At least a part of him was.

I began to think about moving yet again. About changing the scenery and go off somewhere, so far away that no one would even know where Rosetown was. Somewhere where news of abortion didn’t shock anyone. Somewhere where I would be easily accepted. But I knew such a place didn’t exist. In every town there was a community with certain standards, that I could not meet unless I hid certain parts of my past, or present. I decided to go to Joseph’s house where I could talk to Jackson. If all things were dead, then I’d move, and leave everything behind. If I saw even a flicker of hope, I’d stay and tug at it for the rest of my life.

I put on a floral dress and short cowboy boots, and knocked at Joseph’s door, waiting patiently for someone to show up and let me in. Or at least point me to the direction Jackson ran in.

“Audette.” Joseph said surprised and opened the door wider, telling me to come in. I went in. “Sit. Jackson should be here in a while.” He said and offered me a seat in his kitchen. I took it and thanked him.

“Joseph, was Jackson busy this past month?”I asked the old man and he shook his head, with a confused look on his face.

“No. He’s been here, doing jobs around the house.” He said and I nodded my head, looking down. My hopes were melting really fast. “Andie, what happened?”

I bit my lip. “I told him my past.”

“Oh, it can’t be that bad.” Joseph laughed.

“I got pregnant, was forced to abort and then came here to hide.” I said and his smile was wiped off his face. “See?” I said, smiling melancholic.

“Audette, people make mistakes. It’s your past and no one has the right to judge you. I accept you no matter what you do.” Joseph said and I,stupidly, began crying. Joseph got up and hugged me and I cried and sobbed on his shoulder.

“It’s just that I love him so much, it scares me.” I hiccuped and he patted my back, comforting me. After an hour of waiting pointlessly, I got up and thanked him for his kind words.

Soon after I left, Jackson came from around the corner and stared uncomfortably at his grandfather. He told him that it scared him how much he loved Audette, and how much she needed him. Joseph appreciated the words. He knew how proud Jackson was and how rarely he let someone in.

“It’s love. No matter where you hide, it will always find you.” His grandfather spoke and Jackson nodded his head, gathering up courage to face his lover.

Xxx

“Andie. Andie.” A hushed voice repeated and cold hands shook me gently. I opened my eyes, fighting sleepiness, and found myself looking at Jackson’s frazzled figure. “I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. I’ll be around more. I promise. I love you.”

I looked at him lovingly, cupping his cheek and kissing it. “I love you too.”

But as I was falling asleep, with Jackson’s strong arms around me, the last conscious thought that entered my brain distracted me and scared me.

Do I deserve more than this?