Glowsticks

Later that night, as I walked home, I kept going over what I had just agreed to. A night spent with Susie was a delight - it always was. But the feelings I had for Jackson slowly creeped their way into my heart, crawling underneath my skin. Even when I shook my head or diverted my attention he was a constant presence in my mind. I was getting quite tired of it.

' Cut it off, Audette. You don't even know him that well. Remember what you promised.'

Of course. How could I not?

I walked a bit faster than before. I had to be at Susie's house at a certain time. I stopped home. I still had a lot of time before I was expected. I entered my humble abode and switched on the radio. Nothing but yesterday’s news. I walked around the house, determined to find an occupation which would keep me busy until it was time to go. Unfortunately, lazying around did not help me find what I was looking for. Not at all.

’God, if you hear me, please make something happen.’

And then boom. It happened. Actually, it rang. More specifically, my phone was ringing as if awakening from the dead. It rang so loudly and so passionately that it showed me it was waking up, and making up for the lost time.

’Answer it.’ I thought simply.

It rang again. I kept looking at the phone like it was some alien technology that I could not muster nor understand. It rang so loudly, almost bossing me around. Demanding to be picked up. I still looked at it.

’Oh, for the love of cheese. Just answer it, Audette. It’s been some time. Now pick up the phone.’ My shaky hand made its way to the phone, retracting a few times, until I picked up the phone so brutally that I thought I pulled something.

’Good. Now speak. Yeah, just like that. Just – yeah. Open your mouth. Good girl.’

You'd think that such an elementary thing as answering a phone would be common knowledge by know. That I would do it without even thinking about it. But ever since I left my folks' house, which by the way, was never my home, I stopped making telephone calls. I stopped answering them and I stopped thinking about all the oh-so-familiar numbers. I stopped and I forgot. The best way to get over a huge disappointment. But let's not get into this right now.

“Hello?” I asked uncertainly. I didn’t even recognize my own voice. It sounded so tiny, so uncertain, so shy, so innocent. Things that everybody told me I was. But was I? Really? At the chore of my true being, was I really that innocent? I mean, think about it. I could portray myself as anything, really. Did that make me? Did that define who I was? Who I could and could not be? I could change. I can do change. And I can do it well.

“Hello?” I tried again, shaking my right leg. I looked around the house. It looked old too. I had to make some money to fix up some places. Maybe buy that new electrical oven everybody’s been raving about.

“Listen, if you’re not going to talk, I’m really sorry but I have to go. Call me tomorrow. Thank you. Bye-“ I started but an equally uncertain voice interrupted me.

“Audette?”

“Jackson?” My voice put in motion the shock I was feeling. I choked his name out, unlike him, who said it in a smooth tone. I envied his self-confidence. Something I always wanted. Actually, one of the few things I had always wanted. I mean, truly and deeply wanted. Not like a new pair of bracelets that make you squeal and start saving money even thinking about them. I wanted something hypothetical.

“What are you doing? Where are you? You’re grandfather’s worried sick about you!” I started again, this time scolding him like an eight year old kid. How could he leave his poor grandfather, a man with such nice manners, without even looking back? I silently thanked myself for not allowing him to crawl deeper into my soul. I already had enough to worry about. “And who do you think-“

“Grandpa knows where I am, Audette.” I could almost feel the roll of his eyes. My upper lip twitched in annoyance. If Joseph knew then why didn't he bother to tell me? Suddenly I felt really hurt. Like an old cloth which you throw away after you've used it enough. But I wasn't a cloth. I wasn't used. I hadn't even collected dust yet. I was brand new; yet nobody wanted 'new'.

“Then what do you want?” I snapped. He chuckled that low, manly, raspy chuckle only a heartthrob could muster. Or in this case, the nephew of one.

'He better have some good explanation!' I thought cleaning the dishes, and throwing them around. I used the sponge on them so hard, that one of them almost cracked. I sighed and backed away from them. I'd take it out on him.

But what he said next; what his explanation for this nightly call, which thinking about it, made me run late, was so truthful, so honest, something that only Jackson could say. And it almost made me laugh.

“I just want some fun. Don’t we all?” He said and I raised my eyebrows in curiosity.

’What’s he looking for this time?’