Bittersweet
Forever and More.
"Hey, Gerard, I- I have something to tell you," I went up to him confident as all hell. He turned around to me and smiled his cute little smile. I looked at him, ready to tell him. But I chickened out.
"Frankie?"
"I love you," I said quickly "I didn't have the guts to say it before you left, and I didn't know if- if you felt the same and I still didn't know. But I mean your listening to me now, your staying right in front of me. I missed you so much, I wished you back for so long. I'm happy your back, I will leave you now and I won't come back-"
"Frankie," He then lent down and kissed me. When he pulled back, he whispered: "If you left then I wouldn't be able to tell you that I missed you so much and also how much I love you,"
That was 3 years ago. 3 years ago he confessed how much he loved me. And I confessed my love for him. But 1 year ago he got cancer and now he's become so week he could die anytime. He could leave me. And as much as I want him to be relieved from this pain I don't want him to go.
"Gerard?" He asked weakly, I looked down at my one and only and gave him a small smile.
"Yeah?" I said with a broken voice.
"Don't cry," He tried to wipe my tear away.
"I'm not crying," He laughed a little.
"Yeah, you are, don't worry G, it's gonna be all fine,"
"How Frankie? How will it be fine when you leave me? How am I gonna live without my soul?" I asked him, crying slightly.
"Your going to find someone new, who you'll love much more,"
"There's no one who'll be like you, I will never love anyone as much as I love you, Frankie, no one even compares to you," I said laying next to him and hugging him.
"I love you," He kissed the top of my head. "I will love you forever,"
"I will love you forever and more," I looked up at him and his eyes have closed. Not breathing. I'm sorry to let you go Frankie. You will be painless now. I started to cry. Full on crying. Till Mikey came to find me holding Frank so tightly.
In the next weeks we had his funeral. The boys were all getting everything ready, greeting and stuff. I just couldn't do anything without him. He was all I thought about. I would go into our room and just stare at the bed, smell his t-shirt. I miss him like crazy. I went into the bathroom. Pulled out a razor and looked at it.
'Gerard what are you doing?'
'I can't live without you Frank,'
'I'm not going away, Gerard,'
'Do you promise?'
"I promise,"
"You promised me Frank, You promised me!" I yelled while I smashed my fist into the mirror. As pieces of mirrors fell to the ground, I heard foot steps coming towards the bathroom. I quickly locked the door.
I got the razor and put it to my wrist.
'Baby? Come on put that away, remember what I told you before? Your life is more important to me. More then anything, If you were to hurt yourself what would I have done? Baby promise me never again, okay, no matter what happens. I don't want you to do it okay,"
I nodded.
"Okay,"
Then wait for me okay Frankie, wait till I die, wait till I come for you. Because I will be waiting for the day I meet you again. But only this time, I will never let you go.
"Frankie?"
"I love you," I said quickly "I didn't have the guts to say it before you left, and I didn't know if- if you felt the same and I still didn't know. But I mean your listening to me now, your staying right in front of me. I missed you so much, I wished you back for so long. I'm happy your back, I will leave you now and I won't come back-"
"Frankie," He then lent down and kissed me. When he pulled back, he whispered: "If you left then I wouldn't be able to tell you that I missed you so much and also how much I love you,"
That was 3 years ago. 3 years ago he confessed how much he loved me. And I confessed my love for him. But 1 year ago he got cancer and now he's become so week he could die anytime. He could leave me. And as much as I want him to be relieved from this pain I don't want him to go.
"Gerard?" He asked weakly, I looked down at my one and only and gave him a small smile.
"Yeah?" I said with a broken voice.
"Don't cry," He tried to wipe my tear away.
"I'm not crying," He laughed a little.
"Yeah, you are, don't worry G, it's gonna be all fine,"
"How Frankie? How will it be fine when you leave me? How am I gonna live without my soul?" I asked him, crying slightly.
"Your going to find someone new, who you'll love much more,"
"There's no one who'll be like you, I will never love anyone as much as I love you, Frankie, no one even compares to you," I said laying next to him and hugging him.
"I love you," He kissed the top of my head. "I will love you forever,"
"I will love you forever and more," I looked up at him and his eyes have closed. Not breathing. I'm sorry to let you go Frankie. You will be painless now. I started to cry. Full on crying. Till Mikey came to find me holding Frank so tightly.
In the next weeks we had his funeral. The boys were all getting everything ready, greeting and stuff. I just couldn't do anything without him. He was all I thought about. I would go into our room and just stare at the bed, smell his t-shirt. I miss him like crazy. I went into the bathroom. Pulled out a razor and looked at it.
'Gerard what are you doing?'
'I can't live without you Frank,'
'I'm not going away, Gerard,'
'Do you promise?'
"I promise,"
"You promised me Frank, You promised me!" I yelled while I smashed my fist into the mirror. As pieces of mirrors fell to the ground, I heard foot steps coming towards the bathroom. I quickly locked the door.
I got the razor and put it to my wrist.
'Baby? Come on put that away, remember what I told you before? Your life is more important to me. More then anything, If you were to hurt yourself what would I have done? Baby promise me never again, okay, no matter what happens. I don't want you to do it okay,"
I nodded.
"Okay,"
Then wait for me okay Frankie, wait till I die, wait till I come for you. Because I will be waiting for the day I meet you again. But only this time, I will never let you go.
♠ ♠ ♠
=)