Some Kind of Magic

Vanessa, baby! Come out, I just want to talk to you Matt’s voice rang through the house, his words wrapping around Vanessa’s neck and squeezing tightly. Every pound of his fist against the brand new burgundy door made the tears rush faster down Vanessa’s already soggy face, every word he spoke made it harder for her to breathe. How did this end up happening to her? What had she ever done in her life that gave her the karma to have something like this happened to her; hiding away from her now abusive ex-boyfriend, only two locks on the front door keeping him from her, and nothing else.

“Vanessa! Open this fucking door!” The strong male voice came barreling through the house what felt like only seconds after the previous persuasive sweet tone, but in reality, it was a half hour later. The concept of time as Vanessa sat in her vacant house, thunder clapping outside of the window along with the rhythmic patter of rain had diminished, all she could do was press her forehead against her knees, and breathe.

A loud rumble of thunder shook the house again; causing Vanessa’s shivering body to jump. As her hands slammed against the floor, they came into contact with her cell phone. Inhaling deeply, she grabbed it and turned the screen on. As the screen read that she had twelve unread messages, ignoring them all, she looked at the now empty screen. There were no missed calls, no texts, and no sign from Zach at all.

“Vanessa!” Her phone clattered against the floor as she quickly pulled herself back into the tight ball she had been in for the past two hours. “Vanessa open this fucking door, it’s me! It’s Zach, Vanessa! Open the door,” the brunette standing outside screamed again, pounding his raw fist against the door again. He had been standing outside of the home for about ten minutes now. His clothes were damp, and his heart was racing from the previous events and the lack of Vanessa in his arms.

When he had arrived, there was a tall boy on her porch, pounding on the door with more force than Zach could ever have. The boy’s eyes were red and as Zach slowly walked up to him, he turned around, extremely angry. He snapped at Zach asking him if he was Vanessa’s new fuck buddy. Luckily Zach had decided to act and informed the boy that there was no Vanessa he knew of living here. All through the conversation with Matt, his heart was in his throat.

He was the reason Vanessa was the way she was.

“That fucking bitch”, Matt slurred as he placed his hand on Zach’s shoulder. “She left me, left me. I was the best thing that ever happened to that sad little girl. All because I fucked a few other girls on accident and accidentally hit her a few times, but that never got her mad before”, the boy pushed himself away from Zach, and stumbled back. “You see her, tell her she needs to get over herself and come back to me!”

As Zach nodded, watching as the boy walked over to his slick black Audi, and got in, he turned to the door and started to breathe shallowly, trying to convince himself that starting something with a bigger guy was not the best thing to do, especially now with the season in swing.

Zach watched from the corner of his eye as the Audi sped off down the street, and as the sound of its revving engine faded into the air, Zach quickly turned to the door and started to pound on it, begging Vanessa to open it, just so he could make sure she was alright. Just so he could hold her in his arms, and protect her from anything and everything, kiss her on the lips and inform her that he was sorry. Sorry for acting the way he did. Sorry for everything that had happened to her with Matt.

”Vanessa please! It’s Zach! Open the door!” Heart pounding, Vanessa quickly unfolded herself and stood up. As she stumbled across the floor, slipping a few times from the puddles she had left from her soaking wet clothes, she made her way to the staircase. Heart beating faster than it had ever had, she tripped down the last few stairs and slowly walked up to the door. The only thing she could hear was her heart beat, and the only thing she could think about was opening up the door to see those gorgeous brown eyes, staring right back into hers.

When she reached the front door, tears started to drip from her eyes again, and as she quickly unlocked the door and swung it open, her eyes snapped open just in time to catch Zach’s worried eyes meet hers. “Zach”, she cried as he ran up to her and wrapped his strong arms around her, pulling her in as close as possible, pressing his face into her damp hair. “I’m so sorry, Zach”, she whimpered, grabbing handfuls of Zach’s sweatshirt and pulling him closer.

“Are you alright?” Zach put his hands on either side of the girls face and directed her eyes into his. As he examined the pools of blue, broken and scared, he pressed his forehead against hers and shut his eyes. Inhaling deeply, he moved his face back over to her shoulder and sighed heavily, readjusting his grip on the girl in his arms, giving her some room to breathe, but not enough to get away. Zach didn’t care what she promised herself, he had just spent almost an hour worrying about her, and to have her safe in his arms now, all he wanted to do was hold her.

“Thank you so much, Zach” Vanessa’s stomach grew sick as all of the thoughts running through her head turned into tears. “I don’t know why you even came. I don’t deserve anything like you”, her eyes squeezed tightly shut in embarrassment. “You shouldn’t bother with me at all”, she choked out and tired to break out of Zach’s embrace, but he flexed his arms keeping her firmly in place. “You don’t deserve something like this; you don’t deserve all of this shit.”

Shaking his head, Zach picked his face out of Vanessa’s hair and locked his eyes with hers. As the blue orbs barreled into his, he pressed his lips against hers and ran his hand through her damp hair. Pulling away, just enough for both of them to breath, he shook his head. “How could you say that?” looking at the broken girls in his arms, the only thing Zach wanted to do was find this Matt boy and hurt him worse than he had ever hurt Vanessa. “I love you, Vanessa”

“You can’t”, she screamed finally looking back into Zach’s eyes. “I won’t let you. You deserve so much better than me Zach, I’m not going to let you do that to yourself”

“You can’t control my feelings for you, Vanessa!” Zach screamed as water started to drip from his hair down his face.

“But I can control if we talk or see each other”, Zach stared at the girl, mouth hanging open, pure shock and anger running through his veins. “Zach, I just want to see you happy. I love you so much that I want you to be happy, and it’s not going to be with me. I’m not ready for another relationship. I’m not even ready to think about it. I’m scared about everything, and I… I just want to focus on my job, and that’s it”, the words that fell from her mouth were not as much meant for Zach, but meant for her. These words were designed to make herself believe that he deserved to be happy and she couldn’t do that for him.

As her words hung in the air, the whole house was consumed in a deeper shade of blue, making it just light enough to see the outline of the other in the room. As the words finally faded into the air, the boy turned his back to the girl and slammed his fist against the door. “So everything we’ve done meant nothing to you?”

“We were drunk, Zach”

“That doesn’t mean anything! If you didn’t feel anything for me, you would have left”, he snapped turning around, his eyes wide and focused on where he thought hers were. He just couldn’t believe what was happening, how could after everything Vanessa just come out and say that she loved him, and they quickly twist it into she’s going to avoid him so he could be happy? Does she not understand that the only happiness Zach will ever get is when she’s in his arms?

Vanessa fell into silence. Zach was right, but she didn’t dare admit it. Instead, she stood there in the hallway, clothes just damp from the previous event. Her bright blue pools were out of tears, and all the emotions that had rushed through her veins in the hours before, were gone. She was herself, and with that she was determined to tell Zach that they couldn’t be together, as long as he stood away from her and kept his lips off of her skin, that is.

Sighing heavily, Vanessa moved her hair over her right shoulder and then turned to so she was still in view of Zach and the stairs. “I’m sorry”, she whispered but as soon as those words fell from her lips, Zach walked over to her, slipping his hands onto either side of her face. Rubbing his thumbs in small circles against her sticky cheeks, he shook his head and let out a nervous laugh.

“Why, why are you doing this to me, Vanessa?” He begged. “You know I love you, you said you love me too, why can’t you just give it a chance?”

“I don’t want to hurt you”, she whispered sternly, trying to push the point across that she wanted him happy with someone that didn’t have a crazy ex, a time consuming job, and no trust in anyone but herself. “Why can’t you go marry a model and be happy?”

“I don’t want a model, Vanessa!” Zach screamed louder than she had ever heard him scream before, “I want you!”

The house fell into a deep silence. The boy stood there waiting for some kind of reaction from the girl in front of him. Minutes went by as they stood in complete silence. Staring at each other through the dark, Zach couldn’t help but feel that if she didn’t say something soon, he was just going to walk out of the house, and scream on the top of his lungs until his throat bled, until someone called the cops and he was put in psych ward so he could just scream and let all of the emotions running through his mind from dealing with Vanessa.

“Zach”, the boys stomach flopped uneasily, “This is my entire fault”, his breath caught in his chest as he waited for the next few words. “I shouldn’t have called you; I should have handled this all alone”

“He would’ve killed you”, Zach said angrily.

“Then I’d be dead!”She cried out throwing her hands up into the air, “You’d finally do what I want you to do!” Zach started chanting ‘Shut Up’, over and over again as Vanessa went on, pointing out how much easier life would be if she were dead. Going on and on, Vanessa found herself in the centre of her empty living room as a loud clap of thunder shook the house and a flash of lightning showed Zach’s angry face and Vanessa’s worn eyes.

As Vanessa went to start a new sentence, Zach quickly pressed his lips against hers. Shutting his eyes tightly, thankful for the silence, his heart rate started to increase as Vanessa’s arms came to life and wrapped around him. Pulling him closer, Vanessa applied pressure into the kiss as small beads of water started to roll down her cheeks. No matter what she did, or what she said, the feeling of his lips against hers would make her weak at the knees. With this feeling, there was no way she could keep Zach out of her life permanently even though she had to.

She had to.

“No, Zach”, Vanessa said, her voice shaking. “I’m not going to let this happen. I can’t do this to you; I can’t do this to myself. I’m not ready.” As she let the words fall from her mouth, her heart was screaming at her to shut up, screaming at her to just fall into his arms and let herself fall in love with him.

“You call me over to make me leave? You know, this whole fucking time you’ve just used me.” Vanessa cringed as his words fell on her shoulders. The tears started to fall down her face again as the pain in her heart grew. “I help you get your job, you hate me. We fuck each other, you move away. I save you from your crazy ex-boyfriend who would have beaten the shit out of you, and you tell me that even though you love me, you’ll never give me a chance. What the fuck is that?”

Shaking her head, Zach went on; “I love you, and you admitted to liking me, but you’re too worried about yourself to give a fuck about how this all makes me feel. I fucking love you!” He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. As tears lined the rim of his eye, he laughed and pressed his fingers into his eyes stopping the possible tear flow. “If you wanted me to be happy, you’d give me a chance. You know what, whatever”, he turned on his heels and started walking back to the front door. “I’m going to take your advice”, he screamed.

When he reached the front door he turned to see an empty hallway behind him. More anger rushing through his veins, he swung the door open and walked back out into the pouring rain. “I’m going to find a model, and marry her, and I’m going to be fucking happy, just like you wanted!”

As Zach walked out of the house, frustrated tears dripping down with his face mixing with the rain, he looked up at the sky and shook his head. Why did he have to go through this? What had he ever done to deserve this? Why couldn’t she just give him one chance? He could have made her happy, he could’ve showed her all of the guys she loved wouldn’t run out on her, or hit her, or tear her down with every word they speak.

But isn’t that exactly what he had done?

Squeezing his eyes shut, pain washing over him, he let his body drop down to the curb in front of her house. The thought of moving on with this being the last time they spoke brought a thick blanket of sickness over his whole body. Shoulders slouching, he pressed his hands into his eyes again. The urge to scream ran through him, but he silenced it as a familiar sound rang out through the dead of night. Listening past the falling rain, there was a small creek.

Turning around from the street and parked cars in front of him, he turned around to see the light outside flicker on. Light burning his eyes, he squinted and then stood up, letting his eyes readjust to it. When he was finally able to see without squinting, he turned to the house and watched as the huge window that was in the living room lit up with light. As the yellow glow kept burning, showing no sign of movement, Zach looked down and took a deep breath. He needed to move, he just needed to move on, but there was something in his stomach that kept his feet nailed to the sidewalk in front of the house.

Inside the house, as the lights came on, the small girl sitting on the stairs let out another heavy sob. What was she doing to herself? She was pushing the one person that truly cared about her away. Not slowly, but with a good hard shove. He was right, as much as she’d hate to admit it, Zach was absolutely right. She was wrong, she was selfish, and stupid, and cold hearted, and worthless, and cruel. She had let her mind take over her words again, and again it had lead to her alone crying.

Slamming her fist down into the stairs, she looked up at the front door. Thinking of the boy that was once they’re going out and marrying a perfect model and being happy without her made her stomach toss and turn until the only thing she felt was complete nausea. Angry for not only shoving Zach away, but being stupid enough to listen to her mind, she pounded her fists against the wooden stairs again, and again, until the edges of her hand were raw with pain.

When the skin broke on her right hand, the same hand she punched the car window with earlier, she cried out in pain and dropped her head down so her forehead was resting against her knees. Clenching both fists, she let out another sob and then stood up, a little off balance and walked all the way down to the front door. Once there, instead of locking it back up and going to try to sleep through her pain, she swung it open.

As her eyes caught onto the boy sitting down on the curb, her heart stopped beating in her chest and broke from all the arteries attached to it and dropped to the pit of her stomach. He was right there, right in front of the house. Run to him! Run to him and beg for him to forgive you! Vanessa’s heart screamed as it let wave after wave of nausea crash down on her.

Finally, after standing in the doorway staring at the boy, she walked off of the porch and down the first step. As her feet slapped against the cement, she quickened the pace. This sound, to Zach’s ears, made his heart stop completely. Turning slightly around, he watched as the girl walked right up to him, blood dripping from her right hand, eyes blood shot, hair messed up like she had tried to tear most of it out.

“I’m Sorry”

“Again”, Zach said as he tried to make himself believe that if anything did happen, she was just going to run away from him again.

“Please, Zach”, her body started to shake from the rain drops soaking her skin.

“No”, Zach whispered.

“I love you”, the brunette nodded intertwining his fingers together to keep himself from thinking that she was serious. This had happened before; this was going to turn into nothing. He couldn’t keep doing this. “Zach”, her voice shook, but Zach couldn’t find it in himself to turn around. “I’m scared”, Zach shut his eyes, “I need you, I’m tired of being alone”, he squeezed his eyes tighter, trying to block her out. “Zach, just-“

Standing up, Zach turned to her, his eyes widening as he took in the sight of the broken down girl in front of him. “What, what do you want from me now, Vanessa!” He didn’t mean to scream, he couldn’t imagine screaming at a girl that looked so terribly broken and confused as the one standing in front of him, but the raging anger from before just wouldn’t leave him. “What! What could I possibly do for you now?”

Keeping her mouth shut, she bowed her head down and took a deep breath. Was she really going to do this? Was she really going to bother, to try? What if she ruined it, what if she made him hate her? Could she really get back into a relationship? Could she manage both and her job? Was she really going to risk everything?

“I need you to fix me, Zach. I was wrong. I don’t want you to be happy with a model, I want you to be happy with me”