Of Rage And Love

Tunny woke up, and looking to his right saw that Rach was still sound asleep. He tried to move his arm out from underneath her without waking her, and failed miserably.

"Tun?" She mumbled as she stirred.

"Who else?" He smiled. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Mmm... whatcha doin' up? 'S early..." Her words were almost incoherent as she yawned.

"It's..." Tunny checked the clock. "Eleven am. So... not early. Although considering the time I got in last night I do see your point."

Rach smiled to herself. "Where are you going?"

This startled him. Even though it was a perfectly innocent question, he panicked.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Because that didn't make me suspicious." She frowned, but that was followed quickly by a laugh. "You got somewhere to be?"

"No..." Tunny looked down at the floor.

"Honey..." She sat up, the frown back in place. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Rach."

"You sure?"

"Um... yep." He thought for a moment, then continued. "Actually..."

She scooted closer to him, placing her hand on his leg.

"C'mon, I'm gonna start worrying for real if you don't tell me."

"You're gonna worry anyway." He sighed.

"Tunny..."

"You know ... you know I went after Jimmy last night?"

"Yeah...?" Her reply was slow, uncertain.

Tunny sighed again, and decided that the best thing to do would be to get the explaining over and done with so that he could break the news to her.

"I found him at the 7/11, and when we got outside Mary was there with... Jason."

"That... sounds bad."

"I think she's been cheating on Jimmy - well, no, I think it's perfectly obvious that she's been cheating on Jimmy. But he started laying into Jason and then Christian and I had to split them up..."

"Wow, that's... how could she do that? I mean, I know Jimmy and I don't get along all the time... but he's a nice guy." Rach was genuinely shocked, and in that instant Tunny was reminded just how much he loved her.

"Exactly. But it's Mary though, isn't it? She's fucking nuts." He squeezed her hand. "And you might not get on but at least Jimmy likes you. Not that I'd care if he didn't."

"You know what?" She squeezed back, smiling. "I think I'm lucky to have you."

"Rach..." He smiled too, trying to keep the mood light for as long as possible. "You'd do just fine without me, you know that."

"What makes you say that?" She laughed, but suddenly felt very unsure of herself. "Aren't you supposed to tell me the opposite?"

"How bad a boyfriend would I be if I told you I thought you wouldn't be able to cope if I wasn't around?" He hoped his laughter didn't sound forced.

"I don't know, one that would do everything to convince his girl that she wasn't the least bit independent so that she wouldn't leave?"

"And does that sound like me?"

"No, but it still worries me that you said it."

Tunny leant forward to kiss her softly on the lips.

"Please don't worry." He whispered.

"Have I any reason to?" She replied, cocking an eyebrow.

Tunny knew that, if he lied, Rach would see right through him. He was suddenly lost for words.

"Hey," She carefully grabbed Tunny's chin, forcing him to look at her. "Tell me."

His eyes were looking at anything and everything in the room except her.

"Jimmy is leaving today. He's taking Christian with him."

"No." She understood. "No. Tunny, no. Do-don't do this..."

"Rach, if they go on their own they'll get themselves killed... Chris is only fifteen, and Jimmy... he's not the best at looking after himself, never mind anyone else."

Rach was speechless for a moment.

"Tunny, don't do this to me." She whispered finally.

"You know I wouldn't go if I didn't have to." He implored her to see things from his point of view.

"But you don't have to!" She cried. "I know that Jimmy wouldn't force you to leave!"

"Of course he wouldn't, but Jimmy also wouldn't admit that he has no idea what he's going to do when he gets to the City." He took hold of both her hands. "Please, Rachael."

"I can't believe you." She snatched her hands away from him, her eyes welling with tears. "So were you lying to me yesterday, then?"

"I... didn't decide I was going with them until after that."

"You told me you'd never leave me!" She sprang to her feet, shouting the words at him. "So either you're a liar or this is some kind of sick joke."

"Why don't..." Tunny was clutching at straws now. "You could come with us?"

"And what the hell would my parents say to that, Tunny? The deal was that I could move out as long as I stayed in Jingletown and that you were around to look after me. If you leave this house is gonna get sold, and then your Mom will be pissed with you. And what will happen when she calls to check up on you? What the hell do I say to her, Tunny?"

He hadn't thought any of this through.

His family - his mother, father and two little sisters - had moved to the East Coast six months ago when his mother got a new job, but they had agreed to let him stay in Jingletown - to finish school (which never happened) and so that he could be with Rach. They sent him money and called occasionally to give him an update on what was going on with them and to make sure he was alright. Rach's parents liked him, and trusted him enough to let their daughter live with him.

If he left, all of this would be ruined. But if he stayed... he would never be able to live with himself if something happened to Jimmy or Christian.

"Rach, Mom would still send you the money and you know that." This wasn't strictly a lie - his mother had always treated Rach as part of the family. "You know that Jimmy is the closest thing I have to a brother. Chris isn't far off, either. I can't just abandon them."

"But it's okay to abandon me?" She glared at him tearfully.

"That's not what I said." He sighed. "If you won't come... I won't stay forever. I'll come back, for you. If you need me you'll only have to call me and I'll be on the next train back, I swear." Tunny took hold of hand, pulling her back towards him as he stood up. She let him wrap his arms around her. "You are everything to me, you know that."

"Please..." She bit back a sob. "If you're leaving, just... just go. Don't make this harder."