No Time Left To Regret

When we got home, I immediately began pushing Joe. Despite how badly I wanted and needed us to work, he had a lot of insecurities that he had to confront first. This would never work between us if he couldn't deal with his fears.

"I need you to talk to me, Joe," I said firmly. "Tell me what happened; tell me why I woke up alone."

Joe looked around nervously. He was thinking, and I needed to know of what. Was he piecing together the proper words to explain himself or deciding what he thought I wanted to hear?

"Talk Joe," I demanded, "I'll just find another place to stay if you can't explain what is really going on with you."

"Does this not scare you," Joe asked, almost nervously. "Being with me forever? Being a Mother?"

His eyes met mine, scanning for a reaction. He fidgeted anxiously while hoping I shared his discomfort.

"Of course it does, Joe. All of it does, but sometimes the best things come from the ones you work hardest to get," I explained. "I want to be with you. I'm just telling it as simply as I can - I want you. I want you and Jonathan needs you."

Sadly, he nodded. "I love you, Beth. You know I love you and Jonathan with all my heart, but it's all too much, too fast."

I scoffed at his confession, trying to keep my cool. "Too much, too fast?! What do you mean by that?"

"I just mean that I wanted to wait to have children," Joe confessed. "You and I were going to wait until my career had cooled down, and I could devote my time to you and my child. You know right now I just can't do that."

"So you and I have a nice moment after we‘re married, spend the night together and you just sneak out in the morning, leaving a chinchy note?"

"I.. I'm really sorry about that," Joe said sheepishly. "I didn't mean to hurt you. You and Jonathan mean the world to me. I just feel like when I go back on tour, I'll be letting you both down by not being here, so I just left to save you the eventual heartache."

I sighed. "Joe, it's your job. I knew you were a musician when I met you, and I could have left whenever. Until I woke up without you, I never thought about leaving you once. Not when I learned you were a musician and you traveled constantly, not when I got pregnant. That scared the hell out of me, but I wanted you to be a part of it."

"And," Joe added, "I should have been a part of it. I just don't know how to make this stop. I feel like the day you got pregnant was the day that my life got so much worse."

"Excuse me," I snapped. "It made your life worse? Really?"

Joe rolled his eyes, muttering a curse to himself. "Worse isn't the word I meant. Confusing, I guess, would be more accurate."

"My life is confusing too, but we need to work through this stuff together," I told him. "And running away is not the way to do it."

"I understand that now, I just really don't know any other way."

I took Joe's hands in mine, squeezing them within my own. "All you ever have to do is talk to me. Joe, I'm your wife; you are supposed to be able to talk to me about anything. If you're nervous about being a Father to Jonathan, tell me. I'm just as nervous about being a Mother. We need to work through these things as a couple. That's what marriage is."

“Speaking, of marriage.” Joe paused, pulling something out of his pocket and handing the object to me. “Put my ring back on me, just the way you did yesterday.” he whispered, smiling. I picked up his left hand and slid the ring back in place where it had been absent only less than twelve hours from the time it was placed there.

Without a word, Joe leaned forward and pressed his mouth to mine. He held me to him, grasping me tighter as his tongue parted my lips and slipped into my mouth. It had been so long since we'd kissed so deeply, so passionately. I missed being this close with him.

I let the kiss linger, maybe longer than I should have. When we parted, Joe's mouth was pink and swollen, as I'm sure was mine. He swipe the back of his hand over his lips, blushing at his bold move.

"I'm sorry," Joe uttered. “Too soon.”

"Don't be sorry," I replied, shrugging. "I liked it."

“And I think I’ll like being a husband and Father, once I get used to it, that is.” Joe chuckled, pulling me into a hug.

After that, Joe and I stood in the silence of our home, pondering what the next move should be. I glanced to Jonathan, who slept soundly in his carrier and prayed that today was the last time he'd ever have to wake up without his Father.

Later that day, Joe’s Father paid us a visit. He informed us that we were starting couple’s therapy to ensure Joe didn’t pull another disappearing act and if he did, he would hate the consequences. I was worried for Joe, that his Father’s threats were serious. But the more I thought about it, I think it was just a scare tactic from his Father to scare Joe into staying and not getting any other ideas or second thoughts to run away from his family.

After a few weeks of therapy, Joe and I eased into married life and parenthood. Joe was adjusting quite well, the therapy helped a lot. We even started sleeping together again after the doctor checked me at my six week check up and put me on birth control. It has been a long, rough and rocky road for Joe and I, but being able to live by words he said every time something went wrong or a surprise managed to work it’s way into our lives. He was right: There is no time left to regret, life is too short to have any regrets anyways.