The Accident That Changed My Life 4ever

POV: Emma
My nose wrinkled from the smell of the hospital... the over clean, antiseptic, medicine smell that made my stomach flip. The long corridor was brightly lit with florescent lights and the movement of the nurses between the rooms never subsided. My sister, Esre, and I finally made it to our fathers’ room. He was in a car accident that killed my mother and my brother. It's been a few weeks since the accident and our dad had just gotten out of the ICU however, he was still unresponsive. The doctors have told us that we might have to make a decision, since we are the only ones left of his family. So if he doesn’t wake in the next week we have the choice to let him off life support which is what he would want... I know that’s what he would want. He wouldn't want it to be us who had to make that tough decision but that’s just how it worked out.
That’s when I knew it... That the decision was already made. That he wouldn’t want be hooked on a machine for too long. I sat there next to his bed pondering this for a while. I looked over to my sister; she was just about to get up...
"I'm going to get something to drink, do you want something?” she asked.
"No, I'm good."
She got up and walked out of the room. My eyes started to water as I thought of how much everything changed so quickly. A month ago I had a family, a happy one. And now I have a sister and a dad who's a vegetable. My life at this point totally sucks. I have ever had to deal with such horrid life circumstances, I've always have been lucky with the cards I was dealt... Except with guys. In my short 16 years of life I have managed to have two boyfriends which didn't end so nicely... They both were using me. Trying to get in my pants. Yeesh guys....
But anyways that's not the point. To be sitting here, in a hospital, is not how I thought my life would end up... well soon I'll be moving in with my sister, she lives in some town, with not too many people. Her house is near the woods and it takes like 20 minutes on foot to get to the store... However it can't be too bad. Cause there’s a mall and hopefully a lot of cool places to hang out. Especially once you get away from the woods... So after my epiphany about how my "new" life can’t be too bad... I start talking to my dad, whom I don’t have a lot of time left with...

"So, dad. How did this happen? I'm going to really miss having you around; soon you'll be with mom and Elye and not hooked to this machine. I know that’s what you want. But I'll wait until I talk to Esre before she tells the doctor. I said bye to mom and Elye already, their funeral was three days ago. Is there anything special you needed to do?"
I know I sounded a little crazy speaking to someone who couldn't reply to what I was saying. But there wasn't much that needed to be said anymore. This town was making me get a little edgy. I know that I just lost pretty much my whole family in like 2 weeks but I really want to be able to start new, to not have to deal with all this grief... well after I finished talking I heard a shuffle in the door way. Esre was standing there, with a guilty expression. One I haven’t seen since she lived at home.

"How long have you been standing there?” I asked.
"Um... long enough. Do you really think that that would be what he would want?” she replied.
"Yea. I do. I know him better than you do. You left when you got old enough. You didn't care about how it affected anyone but yourself.” maybe I was being a little harsh, but she had no right to stand there and listen to my private conversation.
She ignored my rather rude comments, "Are you going to be ready to leave soon? I hate hospitals."
I got up and kissed my dad’s forehead, "I'll be back soon. I promise.' I turned to her, "fine. Let’s go."
We have been packing up stuff for the move. She lives over an hour or so away. So all the stuff had to be packed up... We weren't taking much of it. All my stuff was going, and then a few things that we wanted to keep of our parents. I walked into my brothers’ room. He was 8 and one of my best friends. I loved him so much and I know I'm going to have a hard time without him. I told Esre that I would pack up his stuff. Most of his toys and stuff were going to charity. But some my aunts and uncles would be taking. Sitting there in his room I could feel myself losing it. The tears I had been holding in slipped past my control and I just let it go. I went and sat on his bed. Trying to be quiet. The last thing I needed was my sister bugging me... My brother, Elye, loved his room his toys were neatly put away the way he had always put them away, he was a neat freak. I wanted to be able to keep some of his things. His favorite things... I grabbed a smallish box and set it down in front of me. In it I placed at the bottom; his baby blanket, the one he kept under his pillow, the one only I knew about not even our parents; I also grabbed his favorite cars and action figures; then I reached in between his bed and nightstand for his stuffed animal, it was a black puppy, he wanted a dog but he was allergic; the one I had gotten for him on his 6th birthday, it looked exactly how it did when I bought it. I heard footsteps coming down the hall and quickly sealed and hid the box. The door swung opened and Esre stood there.

"Emma, are you packing up Elye's stuff? or do I have to?" she asked.
"I told you. I am. He wouldn’t want a stranger going through his stuff. Will you please leave me alone?"
I must have hit a nerve. She didn't say a word as she closed the door... I got up and put together a few boxes. In the first one I put the rest of his toys. Cars, action figures, you name it he had it... all of them fit into 2 big boxes... Then I finished with his clothes... When I was finished I poked my head out the door. Good Esre wasn't there. I grabbed my box of my brothers’ belongings and went to my room... Most of my stuff was packed and so I just went and sat on my bed. I knew that I should be hungry, since all I ate today was a muffin and that was almost six or seven hours ago... but I wasn’t. Since the accident I haven't eaten much. Maybe once or twice a day. I had lost a lot of weight and I was now down at least one pant size, I've had to wear belts with all my pants. Sitting there thinking about all this stuff made me so depressed and sad and I had this urge to find a razor. I was so tense and distracted wasn't paying attention or thinking about right and wrong or whatever it is... I grabbed a towel and yelled to Esre that I was getting in the shower...
I turned on the water and sat on the tile... I knew I shouldn't, that I would disappoint Elye if he knew this, the thought of Elye brought tears to my eyes... But I couldn't help myself. I grabbed my razor and rested my arm on the edge of bath. I took a few deep breaths, the thought of missing my brother and parents, and slid the razor across my wrist. First there was a slight sting and then all the tension left my body. I sat there on the floor letting the blood drip into the tub for a few minutes. I then rinsed my new first self inflicted cut... I then hopped in the shower and rinsed off any evidence of blood and wrapped a cloth around my wrist... No one would notice let alone care. It was the end of summer here in West Linn, OR so it would be easy to cover. I ran to my room in a towel to dress... Then went to bed with my wrist wrapped in a cloth.

Over the next two weeks my dad was taken off life support, we had his funeral; our house was on the market, all the stuff was out of the house, and all my stuff was already set up at my sister’s house in..... in...Some town near Seattle I think... it’s farther away than I first thought. We drove there and it was a quiet car ride. We stopped and ate at a diner on the way. Finally we got there about eight at night and I was ready for bed. I started school in two days so I wanted to get as much sleep as possible. My room here is a little bigger than the one I had back home and it needed to be decorated... Already in the room there was only a bed, a desk, and some shelves. In my closet I had my entire wardrobe, that didn't fit so well any more.

The next day I decided I needed to get school stuff and clothes and stuff for my room. I got ready to leave, wearing my black jean skirt with my belt, my aqua tank top, and black converse. I slipped on the thick bracelet I got from Elye a while back and went down stairs. Of course, Esre was gone. She was working. Again. But she couldn't get out of work. She worked hard to get where she is now for a long time. She's 24 and is a dental hygienist. I looked around for my keys to my newly acquired little black Honda. It was my mom’s car. The one not in the accident. So I grabbed my keys and my purse with my loaded debit card in it and left...
I bought 2 new pairs of pants, shorts and skirts... some cute tops, a pair of tennis shoes, a pair of boots, a pair of sandals, and a jacket. I got a new book bag and school stuff. Then I got black curtains for my room, a bed set, teal and black, and a new chair. When I got back Esre wasn't there, but her boyfriend, Evan, was. They have been together for almost 2 years and he just moved in right before the accident. He looked up as I walked in with my first load of bags.
"Shopping spree?” he asked.
"Sort of. I needed a lot of stuff and I had the money so I thought why not... You mind helping? There's more in the car."
"More?” he looked surprised; apparently I got ALOT of stuff. I finally got all the stuff into my room. And everything together, ready for school, which starts tomorrow.
Today I ate more but still not the amount I use to... I then thought of how I've changed since the accident and realized that I'm two pant sizes smaller and have a few scars on my wrist, my hair was shiny brown now past my shoulders, and my green eyes had huge bags underneath. Tomorrow I start my junior year and still haven't made it past 5'5". So hopefully I'll fit in. It can't be too hard, I'm kind of sporty, but not, I play volleyball. Kind of preppy, but not, how I dress. I like rock music so I guess that puts me under punk. I cut so I'm emo. Well this makes it a little more difficult. I guess I'll just have to go with the flow and see how I fit in.