I love the girls who hate to love because they're just like me

I arrived at my apartment not too long after I'd left Starbucks. My crummy building was about a block away from Brett's house.

I punched my code into the intercom machine and a dull buzzing sound rung through the entryway as the door unlocked for me. Remembering a lock code was so much easier than trying to remember to bring keys.

I stepped into the entrance and walked down the short hallway, to the elevator. The metal doors closed behind me as I pressed the glowing number four and the metal box began to rise.

The soothing elevator music did all but sooth me as I watched the numbers light up above me. Lobby...secondthird The quiet bell chimed as the number four lit up and the metal doors opened with some trouble, clanking as they receded into the wall. I stepped out into the hallway and took a right. My apartment was the third one down.

I pulled out my keys and unlocked the door, stepping inside quickly. I needed to calm down before I did something really stupid.

I kicked off my vans and dropped my bag to the floor, walking into the kitchen for some comfort food. Just then, the phone rang.

"Hello?" I sighed as I picked up the corded phone attached to the wall.

"Avery? It's Jon, how're things?" he asked casually and I sighed again, rolling my eyes. I did not want to deal with his shit right now. Jon's the type of guy who doesn't make a phone call unless he wants something from you.

"Just great," I muttered and Jon cleared his throat, a nervous habit of his. I could tell what was coming next.

"Good, good," he said and I could picture him nodding his small head, his brown, wavy locks bouncing up and down lightly. "But listen, about your rent-" Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I had totally forgotten that this month's rent was due at the end of the week and I had already spent my last pay check on groceries. Now, I was unemployed and my 'life savings', the jar atop the fridge, had all but worn out.

"Yeah, about that," I said slowly, trying to think up an excuse without having to tell him I'd gotten fired. "I'm going to be a little late with that."

"You're already late, Avery," he reminded me with a sigh. I know he didn't want to do this, but I think he had to. "I'm really getting pushed here."

"I know, I know," I said, waving him off, "I'll get it to you. No problem." I didn't feel like dealing with this now.

"All right," he said, sounding satisfied. "I'll talk to you soon."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and walked over to my fridge, searching for something satisfying. This day was just going wonderfully.

There was a piece of chocolate cake that was practically screaming my name so I snatched it out of the fridge, not forgetting the milk, and shut the door. I grabbed a fork from the drawer at my side and a cup from the cupboard above me. I popped open the milk carton and poured myself a glass of the white liquid. I put the carton back into the fridge and made my way into the living room, plopping myself down on the couch and switching on the tube.

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3:20pm rounded the corner and I grabbed my cell from my bag by the door. I stared at it for a minute and thought I probably wouldn't have this for much longer. Come to think of it, Brett and I were on a family plan together, which meant we called each other for free and there was one flat rate, which he paid. It was the best deal going at the time and I didn't really call anyone else. My phone was practically free. But there's a difference between free and practically free.

I decided not to worry about that as I dialled Brett's number, bringing the tiny phone to my ear.

"Allo allo?"

"Hey Brett." I tried to keep my voice natural but I feared the dread that was coursing through my body would seep through in my speech.

"Hey, baby cakes, what's up?" He sounded concerned.

"Oh, nothing's wrong," I assured falsely. "I just walked home, so you don't have to come get me."

"Oh, okay." Now he sounded sceptical. "Do you want to come over? Or you can crash here tonight, if you want."

"Uh," I pretended to hesitate, acting as if I was thinking about it, when really I already knew my answer. "Yeah, sure, sounds good." The truth was I hated sleeping in this place. I'd never liked being alone and I had nightmares most every night. I don't know what it was, but this place just didn't feel like home.

"All right, babe. Do you want me to come get you?" He really did worry about me too much.

"No, it's okay. I feel like getting some more fresh air. I'm in the walking mood."

"All right, I'll see you soon then."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and sighed, my phoney performance coming to an end. I hated lying to Brett, more than anything, but sometimes these things just had to be done.

I put my phone back into my bag and slung it over my shoulder, slipping on my vans and exiting my apartment.

I made my way down the hall and pressed my thumb against the down arrow, the light shining dully. I looked up at the numbers rising from the bottom floor as I waited impatiently for the doors to open. The familiar chime rang through the hall and the doors opened slowly to reveal Satan himself staring back at me.

I kept my mouth shut and my expression blank as I turned on my heel and made for the stairs.

"Avery, wait!" Tony called, stepping out of the elevator to chase after me. His pleads were like nails on a chalkboard. I didn't want to hear his voice for another second but he jogged to catch up with me, now walking by my side. I didn't even grant him a sideways glance. I just stared straight ahead at the emergency exit door that seemed all too far away. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to apologize." I laughed bitterly.

"Oh, I am so not interested," I said flatly and he sighed. Just as I reached my hand out to push the door open he grabbed me. He put his hand on my arm and I ripped away violently, leaving a look of slight shock on his face. "Don't you ever touch me again, do you hear me? You're disgusting and slimy and you and Tellie deserve each other."

"But, baby, I don't want Tellie. I already told her that I'm in love with you."

"Well then, I guess you're shit out of luck because I'm sure as hell not in love with you." My words were sharp and they flew at him like the shards of my heart that had broken off, but I didn't care anymore. I was done with him. "And I want my CD back." He looked stunned as I turned away from him, pushing the door open and hurrying down the stairs.

It was like a scene from a movie: boy hurts girl, girl tries to hurt boy back, girl storms off dramatically. It was perfect. I had hurt him. Even if it was for a mere second, even if he forgot about all this tomorrow, I still hit him hard for that one second. I could see it in his eyes.

My footsteps echoed in the empty stairwell and the smell of stale urine made my stomach lurch. I walked quicker, rethinking my choice to hold the handrail as I touched something sticky.

I wiped my hand off on my jeans as I reached the lobby, pulling open the door and stepping out into the musky entryway. I passed the front desk warily, stealing some hand sanitizer from the pump on the counter, fearful I'd run into Jon. I let out a silent sigh of relief once I noticed he was nowhere in sight and slowed my pace slightly.

I stepped outside into the fresh air and sighed, starting my slow walk to Brett's house. Hopefully this would calm me down.