Trembling With the Strings

Acidic Stares

Darius’ P.O.V.
“Baby?” I whispered, easing the door open slowly. Her cold eyes, which were once so full of life, snapped over to me the second the door moved. She stared blankly at me, looking as if she was about to fall apart. And I’m sure she was. “I miss you.”

She nodded minutely, turning back to the television set. She was not engrossed at all, but she hadn’t been interested in anything lately. She just stared at the blank blue screen as if it was the most important thing in her world. I stepped into the bedroom, sitting beside her on the bed. She didn’t even glance my way when I wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

Her small frame looked healthier, because our baby was due in about a month or so. Gracie had been only skin and bones when I had met her, but our son was certainly making her gain a few pounds. She should have been glowing, but it seemed like the light had been sucked right out of her. I blamed myself for that, because I had always told her that she couldn’t trust the world to be earnest. I tried to be around her as much as possible anyway, but it was all I could do to keep from going insane from the depressing mood.

“Grace, sweetie, please talk to me,” I murmured in her ear, kissing her cheek chastely. She didn’t move at all. I grabbed her hand with my free hand as I stared at her stomach.

She’d been so lifeless for a whole month now. She hardly ever came out of our room, and she just sat up there alone. She had gotten back on Marty’s good side, but she wasn’t being a good mother to them at all. I was trying so hard, but she wasn’t giving me any help. I loved her with all of my heart, but I needed to know that it was worth it!

“Hasn’t this gone on long enough?” I asked her, unintentional venom slipping into my voice. “I love you, but lately I’m not so sure that you love me!”

She glanced up at me, which was the first reaction I had received in the longest time. “I love you,” she squeaked out, her voice sounding hoarse. That was probably because she hadn’t used it in so long.

“Are you going to cry?” I asked quietly, biting my lip. I could see the tears tugging at her blank eyes, and I have to say it killed me.

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t believe that,” I told her, shaking my head gently.

I knew what she really meant. She meant that she didn’t want me to know that she was going to cry. She didn’t want me to comfort her, because she thought I’d let her down. She refused to show me any emotion, because she was afraid I’d fuck up again. It was one time. I know it had been a bad one time, but I had tried so hard to find her! She couldn’t blame that on me entirely, could she? But I knew the answer to that: she could, and she did.

“You can trust me,” I forced out in a shaky breath. “I know I’ve told you that so many times, but I hate that your trust was broken so quickly. I’m trying, Gracie. Can’t you see what I’ve given up? I only wanted you to be in my life, but I took in your brothers. I’m a father now, and I promised that we could try raising our baby. I just wish you’d help me out.”

I kissed her gently, sighing as I walked to the door. I knew the words had just gone in through one ear and out the other, but I had gotten so used to telling her my thoughts. I didn’t know what I’d do if she wouldn’t talk to me anymore. A month of that horrid silence had been enough to kill me. How was I supposed to feel when the love of my life didn’t love me anymore?

I took in a deep breath, exhaling slowly and shakily. I didn’t have much time to spend in misery, because Martin tackled me to the floor. I smiled gently, shaking my head playfully as I stood up. I helped him up, but he jumped into my arms.

“How’s the baby, Dad?”

That brought the widest grin to my face, and I think he knew that. He had to be the greatest boy alive, and I was glad to be his father any day.

“I think he’s doing okay, as long as Gracie listens to his cries for, well, you know…” I knew that Gracie didn’t want Marty to become a vampire, but it was impossible to avoid the topic of blood and vampires with the boy. “I’m worried.” My smile fell.

“I don’t understand,” he told me, shaking his head furiously and squirming until I put him down. “Why is she acting weird?”

I shook my head. “I disappointed her. And it was the worst time to do that. She’s going to bring our son into this world in a month, and I’m terrified that she’s not going to love us anymore. What if she decides she doesn’t want me? What if she doesn’t want our baby? We’ve been through so much to keep him, but lately… I just don’t know.” Demetrius offered an apologetic smile.

“I hear Marcus and Johnny talking about her all the time.” He smiled as I gave him a reprimanding look for having eavesdropped. “I’m sorry. But Marcus told him why she’s so upset. She talks to herself apparently, and she was saying how she had started to depend on you like you wanted. But then she said how you didn’t help her when she needed you the most.”

Those words cut my heart beyond redemption. My face twisted up in agony. “I tried to save her, but I couldn’t hear her! I tried, Demetrius! I tore apart Michigan for her! I just… I fucked up. I fucked up really bad. I just wish she loved me again.”

“She still loves you,” he mumbled, grabbing my hand and tugging me down the stairs. “She’s still with you, isn’t she?”

“Because she doesn’t want to raise a kid by herself,” I muttered, following him as he pulled me to the den. “When I said those stupid words and told her I couldn’t be with her, she threw that in my face. She said the only reason she was with me was because she was scared of having a baby. She said she couldn’t do it alone, and that’s where I came in. I’ve changed so much for her, but now I look at her and see a female version of the man I used to be. I stole her faith, so I could be happy. What kind of man am I to do that to the woman I love?”

Marty frowned. “Remind me not to get married.”

I laughed nervously. “Amen, Martin. Amen.”

I glanced to the staircase, my heart suddenly aching. It hurt me to be away from her side, and it was killing me that she wouldn’t open up again. We’d come so far, but she was shutting down. And I had to watch as she died more and more each day.

I couldn’t be responsible for killing her innocence. Even if that meant calling off the engagement, I would do it. For her, I would do anything. If throwing myself into lonely misery meant that the sparkle would return to her eyes, so help me I was going to fall freely.