Trembling With the Strings

A Literal Heartthrob

I woke up to the bed shifting, and I opened my eyes to see Robbie hovering over me, this shocked look on his face.

“What are you doing?” My voice was muffled with sleep.

“I was trying to keep from waking you up. I have to go to school, Gracie.” He carefully got onto the floor and hurried to his closet. “I’m going to take Johnny and Marcus, okay? I know that you probably can’t go, because of the baby and all.”

I nodded, rolling onto my side and pulling Kai into my arms as he slept soundly. I heard Robbie fumbling around, and I groaned. I could not get back to sleep, so I decided to watch him jump into his jeans while brushing his teeth. He paused to smile at me, but then he darted across the hall and pounded on the guest bedroom door. Johnny let him in, and then I returned to my own thoughts for the remainder of the morning.

They left for school ten minutes later, and the house became extremely quiet. Kai’s soft breathing was the only noise I heard, so I rolled onto my other side and turned on the TV. I didn’t really watch what was on, but the sound helped fill the emptiness I was feeling.

I couldn’t feel my heart. It was as if I didn’t have it anymore. Perhaps it will sound sappy, but I think I left it with Darius. Or maybe he stole it from me in my sleep. I didn’t know, but I did know that I felt crummy. To make matters worse, Kai awoke and started crying as loud as he could. He started wheezing, because he cried so hard. I groaned and pulled him into my arms, rocking him gently and walking into the kitchen.

It was hard to make breakfast while balancing a bawling child on my hip, but I managed. A bowl of colorful and sugary cereal was my only option, but I wasn’t going to complain. I was just lucky that Robbie had given us a place to stay.

My child, which had been crying ever since he woke up, suddenly stopped wailing. I looked down at him, confused. Then the doorbell rang. My heart started beating quickly in my chest. I knew who I thought it was, but I didn’t know whether or not I wanted it to be him. Nonetheless I slowly dragged myself to the door. I nearly had a heart attack as I pulled it open.

“Good morning,” a man told me, smiling. “Is Robbie here? I have his mail, and we usually talk for a bit.”

“No, he’s not. But I’ll tell him you came by,” I told him, a nervous smile on my lips as my stomach did flips. The knots were slowly untying, but the lingering fear was still there.

“That’s fine.” He handed me a few envelopes and was on his way.

I closed the door carefully, taking in a deep breath and exhaling as I walked back into the kitchen to finish my cereal. That had been a close call and—

“Oh my God!” I screamed, my heart nearly jumping out of my throat as Darius appeared suddenly before me. I backed away, tripping over my tongue as I tried to form words.

“That wasn’t the reaction I was aiming for,” he mumbled softly, a painful smile on his tortured face.

I’d seen him look vulnerable before, when he had been thinking about his mother. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was a mess, and it looked like he hadn’t smiled in years (though it hadn’t even been a day). That small smile seemed like it was enough to drain him of the little energy he had. I had slept last night, but it looked like he hadn’t closed his eyes for a second.

“You scared me,” I admitted, glancing down to Kai as he reached out with his tiny hands. He was trying to reach Darius, and I didn’t know how I felt about that.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” He looked to Kai, and then he looked up to me. “Can I hold him?”

I nodded. It was his son, too, after all.

Kai practically jumped out of my arms and latched onto Dray, his tiny fists clutching the fabric of his father’s navy blue shirt. Even though he looked miserable, I couldn’t help but notice that Dray’s body was perfectly intact. A small smile graced his lips, finally, as he held Kai carefully.

“Hey, buddy,” he murmured, petting his head gently. “Miss me? I missed you.”

Kai giggled loudly, shrieking purely incoherent noises and burying his face in Dray’s chest.

“Do you want to sit down?” I asked him, sitting down on the couch and glancing over to the happy couple. “I think we should talk.”

He nodded, managing to force a smile as he sat down beside me and kept his hands to himself. I didn’t know if I wanted him to do that or not. “Every man dreads when a woman says that to him,” he joked, not laughing at all. Neither was I.

“Lance was over earlier, and he made me think. I don’t want Kai to grow up without a father, Darius. It just wouldn’t be fair to him… But I want to raise him, too. He’s my baby boy. I guess we need to work something out.” I chewed on my lip, glancing up to the man beside me.

“What did you have in mind?” he asked, setting Kai in my arms. A smile creeped onto his lips as he watched us, and I don't think he even noticed it.

I attempted to twist the ring on my finger, but then I remembered that Darius and I were no longer together. I stole a glance in his direction, and I think he saw what I had been doing. He looked away from me, sucking in a shaky breath.

“How about I take him home, keep him for a day, and bring him over the next morning, then you keep him for a day, and I pick him up the next morning—and so on? Unless you don’t want to see me that often.”

“I’m okay with that. Maybe you can bring Marty with you, just so I can see him sometimes?” I asked quietly, closing my eyes against tears. It killed me to be near Darius, but at the same time it killed me to be away from him.

Darius nodded, gathering Kai in his arms. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

I followed him to the doorway, and he paused after opening the door.

“I haven’t told anyone yet,” he told me, turning to look at me. “I… I’m not sure how Marcy or Drakken will take it. Dante will be fine, I think, if he’s not a little sad about not getting Kai for him and Cam.” He took in a deep breath. “I’ll break it gently, so they won’t blame you or anything.”

I tried to meet his gaze, but I couldn’t. I stared at his neck instead, and then I noticed something before he turned away.

My engagement ring was tied to a thin silver chain, and he was wearing it around his neck.

He closed the door behind him, and I slid to the floor with my back against the door. I hugged my knees to my chest, crying softly into my jeans.

It had been one day, and I already missed him so much. How could I last the rest of my life knowing that he would live forever?