Trembling With the Strings

I awoke from the best night’s sleep I had ever had, and I smiled into his bare chest. Darius mumbled something in his sleep, unconsciously pulling me closer and burying his face in my neck. I let out a content sigh, pulling back to kiss his cheek. He murmured under his breath again, and I carefully lifted his arm off of me and placed my feet on the cold floor.

“Wait,” he groaned, reaching out and catching my wrist.

“What is it?” I asked.

He grumbled something, pulling me back onto the bed and staring at me through blank eyes. I cleared my throat, trying to get his attention, but he pulled me on top of him.

“Dray!” I gasped, barely getting the word out before he kissed me feverishly, rolling us over and pinning me. “What on earth are you doing?” I demanded, pulling back and watching as he collapsed on top of me, going limp. “Umm…”

And he started snoring.

“Oh, good Lord!” I huffed, pushing him off of me and watching as he rolled carelessly onto his side. I had heard of sleepwalking, but this was ridiculous! “You’re so stupid!”

“Wha—What?” he grumbled, disoriented as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. He looked over at me and smiled. “Hey.” He reached out and threw an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer so he could kiss my cheek. “How long have you been up?”

“I should say the same to you. You tried to sleep-rape me!” I told him, fighting a smile. “I swear, I definitely need a rape whistle.”

“You want protection—from me? Why, I have never been so insulted!” he grumbled, pulling himself onto his feet and jumping into a pair of jeans. “So, I sleep-raped you? Well… Was it nice?”

“You didn’t really!” I smacked him lightly on the chest, grinning as he pulled me to him. “You tried, but you failed. But you certainly made a pass at me. I’d say you just lost the bet.”

“It doesn’t count!” he defended. “I wasn’t even awake for it! And about that bet…”

“Are you wussing out? I knew it!” I cheered, pulling myself out of his arm and doing a little dance. “I win! I told you!”

He watched me with amusement. “God, if you dance like that every time you win, I should lose more often.” He caught my hand. “But no. I’m not wimping out. I just want to talk—like adults.”

“I like being a kid,” I mumbled, frowning.

“But we have a kid, so now we need to grow up.”

“I know.”

The baby started crying then, as if reminding me that he existed. I honestly didn’t see why we needed a nursery when Darius had already moved the crib into his bedroom. I didn’t blame him, though, because Kai seemed to require constant supervision.

I gently pulled my hand out of his and strode over to the crib, helping Kai out and setting him on my hip. He coughed softly, sneezing a few times before nestling into my chest. I smiled, kissing the top of his forehead and walking back over to Darius. He smiled softly, wrapping his arm around my waist and leaning down to kiss Kai on the cheek.

“I want to be a family, Gracie. Not just so I can have you in my arms again, but for him. I missed out on having a mother—both of them, and I miss them. I don’t want him to go through what I did. I understand that divorce isn’t as bad as losing someone to death, but it’s the same principle. So can we talk?”

I let out a soft breath, nodding. “As grown ups?”

He shook his head. “No—as parents.”

I mouthed, “okay,” frowning as Kai squirmed and wheezed in my arms. He reached out to Darius, clutching the fabric of his shirt and trying to pull him closer. Dray helped him out, moving closer and gently wrapping an arm around my waist as he looked down at our ill child.

“He’ll be okay,” he told me, reading my mind for the umpteenth time as he rubbed his son’s head. He was starting to grow some nice blond hair, like his daddy’s.

I nodded with a frown. “Okay. We need to talk, remember?”

Darius straightened his posture, pulling his hands back to himself. “Oh, right. Well, I… I hate to think that we’re basing our love on a wager. I don’t want to risk losing you over something this stupid, you know? I don’t need the sex; it’s nice, but I don’t need it. We can forget this whole stupid bet ever happened, but I’m still standing my ground in this. The next time we make love—if we ever—it will be because you want it. I’m doing things differently this time, Gracie, and I want you to respect that.”

“Marcy’s going to be sad that I didn’t seduce you,” I mumbled, hating the seriousness that our discussion held.

“Please don’t,” he whispered softly, taking Kai out of my hands and placing him on the bed. He turned to me, placing his hands on my hips as he pressed his lips to my forehead chastely. “I love you, but don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what exactly?” I mumbled, forcing myself to meet his gaze. He looked so sad.

“I’m opening up to you, and you’re making a joke out of it.”

“I’m not comfortable, okay? I’m not perfect; I don’t say the right things all the time. What do you want me to say? I’m trying!” I told him, sighing. “I really am.”

“I’d like to say that I believe you, but I’m not seeing it.” He cut me off before I could speak up. “What do you call that stunt yesterday? Instead of just enjoying our time together, you listened to my sister and tried to ruin that.”

“So I ruin things now?”

“No!” he cried out suddenly, pulling me even closer. “I didn’t mean it like that. Grace, I love you to tears, but… I’ll see you later.” He pulled himself from me, throwing his hands in the air before shoving them into his pockets.

“Wait!” I begged, running up to him.

“No. You need to think; I need to think.”

My heart started pounding in my chest. I remembered when he had broken up with me, and I didn’t want that to happen again. We were in a confusing relationship, but I knew that there was something I needed to say. And I wanted to say it.

“Dray,” I murmured, catching his hand. He turned to look at me, smiling. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he mouthed, kissing me quickly. “But we both need some time to think. I’m not going to even think about leaving you again, Gracie. I promise.”

He started walking away, and I frowned as his hand slowly slipped out of my grasp. Kai started crying, and Darius hesitated. I smiled, walking over to the bed and pulling my baby into my arms.

“We have years to take turns, Dray. I’ve got this one,” I told him, not able to stop smiling.

He turned away suddenly, steeling out of the room. And I felt my heart sink into my stomach.

Just how was that supposed to make me feel?