Trembling With the Strings

“Hey, Darius,” I mumbled quietly, holding Kai even tighter as we finally pulled into the driveway.

Upon hearing my voice, his knuckles whitened as his grip tightened on the steering wheel. He hesitantly turned to look at me, a worn-down look about him. “What?”

“I don’t understand… Why can’t we just make him a vampire?”

I tapped his small nose gently, and Kai caught my finger with a strong grip. He shrieked in delight as he chewed on it. I winced slightly when he bit down, but I looked over to see Darius holding the car door open for me. I stepped out carefully, settling the high-spirited child on my hip. It was amazing how greatly the medicine had affected him. It almost gave me hope—almost.

“Well, ask yourself this: Would you rather Kai die, or me?” There was an edge in his voice, but I knew it wasn’t anger directed at me. It had been a long day for both of us.

“Dray,” I pleaded, reaching out and catching his hand. “That’s a terrible question.”

He nodded, leading me to the doorstep. He fumbled with the keys before pushing the door open and guiding me to the couch. “I know; I’m sorry. Here’s the deal. I would love to just stop his heart, but it’s not that simple, Gracie. He has ‘blood poisoning,’ and that’s a life-threatening thing. If I bit him, I’d take in his blood. Sure, a trifling disease such as that wouldn’t kill me, but his hybrid blood would temporarily take over my system. His human blood would cause my body to react as a half-vampire’s would, and I would end up contracting the disease and dying. I will gladly give my life for his… So will you let me?”

From the look on his face, I could tell that he was half-hoping that I would say yes, so he would be able to save his son’s life. But I could also see that he wanted me to say no, so he would know that I loved him too much to lose him.

And I did.

“After all we’ve been through, you’re so willing to let this go?” He nodded gently, lifting my hand to his lips and kissing it gently. “Well, I’m not. I know it may not seem like it to you, but I do love you—very much. I couldn’t raise Kai without you, and what would I tell him about his father? ‘He died to save your life.’ Yeah, that’d make him feel great, knowing that he killed his father and all. And I’d miss you so much. I can’t imagine losing my son, but I just… You? I thought I’d have you forever!”

“You do!” He groaned, letting out a shaky breath. “I love you, but I love Kai, too! He deserves to live more than I do—more than anyone! He’s hardly been in this world. Who am I to take that from him?”

“Stop it! Please, just stop!” I begged, pushing him away and holding Kai as he cried loudly. “You’re upsetting him! And me!” I whipped my head away for a moment before snapping my eyes back to him with a deep breath. “I know this is hard, but… Can we just try to be a family for the next night or two?”

Darius pushed himself to his feet, striding up to me quickly and wrapping his arms around my waist gently, mindful of the fussing child in my arms. “Okay,” he murmured, kissing my lips quickly.

“I love you,” I choked, carefully resting my cheek against his chest.

“I’m sorry it took our son dying for you to see that.”

“Me, too.” I wiped my eyes as tears formed freely, and I looked up at him. “They all think that Kai’s dying of lung complications, but I know what’s really wrong. I think he’s dying of a broken heart… And it’s my fault, Dray. If I hadn’t left…”

“Stop.” I glanced up as he rubbed my back gently. “I wasn’t such a great guy either.”

“But isn’t it important for vampire babies to be around their parents? We were never together, so Kai never saw his parents. He just saw Mom and Dad separately! We weren’t a family. I wanted that so badly, but look what I’ve done? And over something inevitable anyway. And I couldn’t just suck up my pride, could I? I just had to stick to my stupid principles instead of dropping them and running to you. I should have just… I—”

He cut me off when his lips captured mine gently, and he took Kai out of my arms. The baby calmed down, and I was sure that I was right about the family issue being his illness. Dray glanced over to the staircase, and I followed his gaze. My brothers were standing there quietly, waiting. I didn’t know what to say.

“Stay right here. I’ll come back,” he murmured, caressing my cheek softly before ushering the boys upstairs.

I expected to hear Demetrius shriek with laughter, or maybe hear Marcus demanded to know what Darius knew. But all I could hear was complete silence.

I bit my lip as it started to tremble. My arms felt so empty without my baby boy. I wrapped my arms around myself, sitting down on the couch as the world seemed to become so cold and unfamiliar. As soon as I felt a tear slide down my cheek, cold arms wrapped around my body as it trembled along with my heart. He had obviously left Kai with my brothers, and now Darius was murmuring incomplete thoughts into my ear. The only thing I understood was when he said that I could cry; that I didn’t need to hold back.

So I didn’t. I just sat in his arms and cried for a few minutes. It was nice not to feel so alone, and I wondered why I hadn’t asked for help sooner. Neither of us could help our situation, but not being alone certainly helped. I felt the words leave my lips before I even thought about speaking them.

“I love you so much,” I cried into his chest, hiding in the fabric of his shirt.

“I love you, too,” he mumbled, pulling me into his lap and holding me as close as he could, and I immediately saw why Kai was always so relaxed in Dray’s arms.

I nodded furiously. “And I miss you. A lot.”

“I know, baby. I miss you, too.”

“And… I don’t want to be alone anymore,” I sobbed, clutching his black shirt in my fists.

“I don’t want you to ever be alone.”

I leaned up to kiss him hurriedly, and, if he cared, he didn’t complain about the fact that my face was stained with tears. He kissed me when I needed it; he held me when I trembled; and he murmured sweet nothings into my ears when I started to cry again. I couldn’t imagine what had possessed me to leave that loving man, but I knew it had been a horrible mistake.

“Darius,” I whispered, reluctantly pulling myself out of his embrace and standing up. My eyes were glued to the ring tied on that silver chain and glistening, as if taunting me.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked quietly, watching me carefully from the sofa.

“No. You’re perfect—absolutely perfect.” I tried not to, but tears started pouring out of my eyes. Dray jumped to his feet, pulling me back into his arms.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did I—?”

“No! You didn’t do anything wrong!” I sobbed, taking shallow breaths. “I did! I did everything wrong!”

“You didn’t do a thing—”

“I let you go! That’s what I did! I lost you, and I don’t deserve to have you back after what I did… I…”

“Baby, please,” he whispered, holding me tightly and gently swaying on his feet.

I forced my emotions to calm down. “Darius, I want to be Gracie Jameson.”

His body tensed, and his breathing suddenly slowed dramatically. “You… You do?”