Trembling With the Strings

“I’m going to go check on Marcella. Do you want to come?” Darius asked me, pulling his pants on. I shook my head. “Alright, then I’ll come back for you.” He headed to the door, but hesitated. He turned back around and came back to me. He kissed me softly, holding me gently for a bit. “Love you,” he mumbled softly before tearing himself from me and hastily leaving, slamming the door carelessly behind him.

I started bawling then. I just couldn’t help it. I’d been waiting for him to leave that whole time, and a little “I love you” wasn’t going to change the fact that I felt like a dirty whore.

I raided Darius’ closet and pulled out a long, white button-up shirt—I couldn’t stand to wear the clothes I had been wearing, but they had been practically torn up by Darius anyway. I darted into Marcy’s room and snatched a thong from her dresser drawer before hastily running back to Dray’s bed. I threw my face into the pillow and bawled until I ran out of tears. My head was pounding, but I didn’t care. I deserved it.

“Gracie?” someone murmured, knocking on the door.

“What?” I mumbled softly into the pillow. I heard the door creak open and the bed shifted beside me.

“Grace, what’s wrong?” Johnny asked, rubbing my back softly.

“Remember that lady that taught me piano and took me to church?” I sat up, rubbing my eyes in a useless attempt to clear the redness. Johnny nodded. “One of the big rules was no sex until marriage. I’m going to Hell, Jonathan. I’m truly, truly going to Hell.”

“If you didn’t want to, then why did you?” he murmured, resting his head on my shoulder. “I don’t understand this Darius situation. Why are you here?”

“You don’t hate him, do you?”

“I don’t really care about him. I just care about you.”

“You’re sweet. Well, don’t tell your brothers. He owns me. He didn’t really force me to do it, but I told Marcus that I love him. Dray really wanted to...make love, and I couldn’t exactly say ‘Hell no, I hate you’ in front of Marc. But it’ll be okay. Just watch over your brothers when I’m damned, alright?”

“You’re not going to Hell. You’re an angel on Earth. I’m sure that God wants you back.”

“He told me he loves me,” I told him randomly, delirious. “He’d said it earlier, but that was for Marty. He said he loved me before he left to find his sister. And no one was around. But maybe that was just a ‘Thanks for the sex’ thing. Or maybe it’s like I’m that pet dog that he really loves. I don’t know, but he made it very obvious that I’m his property, so...”

Johnny shook his head.

“Marcus told me that you said you love him. I guess you’re just a good liar. He said he thinks you were telling the truth, but obviously you weren’t.”

“Babe, I’m really liking this new look,” Darius commented, smirking as he walked in. He leaned against the doorway, his hair all tousled and his muscular chest seeming even more muscular. “Oh, hey, Jonathan. Demetrius is looking for you.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you, Gracie. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Johnny.” As soon as he walked out, Darius closed the door.

“I’ve been thinking and, well, Marcy was about to go riding. I was going to ask if you wanted her to teach you, but now I have a different thing to ask you. Why did you start crying as soon as I left you? You knew I would come back to you, right? I didn’t mean to leave right after we did that, but I wanted to see if I could repay you for finally joining me in bed.”

“You’re flattering yourself,” I mumbled. “Can we just go?” I begged, standing up and walking past him. He caught my wrist and pulled me back to him.

“Then why were you crying?” he asked, a hint of anger in his voice. How did I know his good mood would only last for so long? “Just tell me that and we can go.”

“It’ll make you mad.”

“What? Did you fake that orgasm? Because it fooled me,” he purred, kissing me softly.

“No, I didn’t,” I muttered, burying my face in his chest.

“Why won’t you just tell me what’s wrong already?”

“Because you’ll be mad.”

“I’m getting mad already,” he warned, his face hardening. “Just fucking tell me!”

“I—I’m in love with you.”

Yeah, I panicked. What was I supposed to do? He stared at me with shock in his eyes. His hold on me loosened until he finally tore himself from me and sat on the bed. I watched as he glanced up at me, such disbelief in his eyes.

“Gracie, there’s something I really need to tell you.”