Trembling With the Strings

“Darius, please open the door,” I begged, pressing my ear to the wood. “I love you.”

I heard shuffling and the door swung open. I straightened up, looking up at my unbreakable Darius.

But he looked so vulnerable. His eyes were tired and he could hardly stand on his own two feet. He was begging me silently to just leave him alone, but let me in anyway. I took his hand gingerly, and he allowed me to lead him to the bed. He collapsed on the edge of it, his head hanging as he stared at the floor.

“Dray... I don’t know what to say to make you feel better.”

“There’s nothing you can say,” he mumbled, his voice cracking. His father was wrong: Darius had been crying. “She’s gone. She’s dead. She’s not coming back.”

“Baby, don’t do this to yourself. Now she’s in heaven watching over you,” I whispered, kissing the top of his head. He sat up straight, glancing at me wearily.

“Gracie, she’s in hell,” he told me, looking up at the ceiling for a second. “She was a vampire, so she went to hell. We’re not in God’s hands anymore, and you’re never going to see heaven. Neither am I. Neither is Marc or Marcy or Dante. We’re going to burn in hell for no reason at all. That’s God’s forgiveness for you!” He tried to sound angry, but I knew he wasn’t in the mood to argue.

“I’m not going to fight you,” I told him. “Just don’t beat yourself up like this. It’s not your fault.”

“I know it’s not my fault!” he hissed, pushing me away and standing up. I sighed. “Of course it’s not! It was those damned humans. They think they deserve to decide who should die and who should live. Slayers kill anyone that isn’t a normal human. They kill witches, werewolves... They should kill themselves! They’re not normal, so why do they get to live?” He walked over to the wall, pressing his forehead to it.

“I don’t know. I don’t think anyone does.” I stepped up to him, turning him around so I could hug him. He didn’t push me away, so I kissed him quickly. “She must have looked absolutely gorgeous in her wedding dress.”

“She did,” he murmured into my hair, his voice cracking.

He held me tighter, hardly letting me breathe. But I didn’t complain. What kind of person would I be to kick someone when they’re down? Well, even if he’s a jackass sometimes... The point is you don’t mess with someone when they’re sad about their mom dying.

“Gracie, Dante is going to be a great dad,” he said randomly. “He can keep his emotions in check. He knows when to just walk away. He and Cameron have been together for so long, and they don’t need the physical aspect of their relationship. He’s my exact opposite.”

“Darius, you could be all of those things, too. You’d just have to break some habits.”

“I already told you that I don’t want to change. I love who I am—it works for me.” He pulled back to kiss me softly before tearing himself from me completely.

“Where are you going?” I asked him as he walked to the door.

“I don’t know,” he told me, shaking his head. “Do you still want to come with me?” I could see a trace of a smile on his lips.

“Television?” I asked, smiling gently. His lip twitched.

“Yeah.”