Us; I love that

[months later]

I lied there, looking up at the white ceiling of my apartment. New York was wonderful, until I started crying. I had seen different landmarks of the big apple. I had taken countless pictures of random things for my photography class. Abby stopped by every week so far, bringing Mike occasionally. Carey called numerous times along with my parents and Grammie, but the one thing I wanted most was definitely gone. Why was I so stupid that day? I wished he was here with me now, making me laugh with his sarcastic tone or making me cry with his sweet compliments. Anything. I didn’t even have the guts to call him… knowing that he probably didn’t want to hear from me. Had I hurt him that badly? Mike had sent me a message, saying that he’d spoken to Nick numerous times. He’d spoken of me once-saying that I broke his heart and that I hurt him-I almost died choking on my tears.

“Micthie,” Abby’s sigh interrupted my thoughts and tears. I glanced over at her, not bothering to move, remembering that I was still in my pajama’s. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” I countered dryly.

“Your so in denial about everything.”

“I am not,” I lied. I was in denial and I knew it. She rolled her eyes, coming closer. She paused when she caught a better sight of me. My eyes widened, realizing that I hadn’t tucked the necklaces in or even tried to hide my hand from her.

“Your still wearing those? The ring too? Come on Mitchie… get a grip. Tell me something-are you depressed because he hasn’t called or because you can’t even tell him you were wrong?”

“I’ll wallow in my self pity if it means he’s happy. I hurt him, Abby. I hurt myself and I’m sure he’s moved on,” I narrowed my eyes at her. She shook her blonde locks.

“Just call him, would you? The worst he could do is not answer. And if I know Nick at least a little, I know he’d never shut you out fully.” I let her words sink in with little hope. Would he use his compassionate ways and not totally ignore me?

“Whatever,” I groaned, turning over to stare at my ring secretly. I hadn’t taken it off. It was a constant remembrance of that special night. I hadn’t taken the dog tags off or even the necklace he had given me for Christmas. Everything he touched was perfect and I missed him so much. How could I last months without him? The truth; I hadn’t really. I barely ate. I only left my apartment for my photography classes and the library. I hadn’t seen anyone but Abby and Mike. He said I looked like hell, to which Abby smacked him and replied, ‘she’s Nick-sick.’ I was. I missed him terribly-so much to where I couldn’t even sleep. I couldn’t drift off without smelling his scent, therefore, I slept with that baseball jersey. It surprisingly still smelt like him-like heaven’s angel. Where was my personal sun? probably living it up, not bothering to even care anymore since I had hurt him. Maybe I was obsessed with him, but it didn’t matter now. I remembered the time when I said I wanted to buy him. He had said that I would just have to marry him. That memory made my heart-ache. I’d marry him in a heart-beat. Why was I so stupid? Why did I listen to Missy? She was right, though. He would find better and I knew he deserved it, but I was selfish-wishing him to be mine and only mine. I sighed, wiping my stray tears away as I turned back over.

[Nick’s view]

I kicked my shoes off, setting my guitar down by the front door. Yes, it was the guitar Mitchie gave me and yes, I sometimes wanted to cry when I played it. I trudged over to the small kitchen I had in this dorm-like apartment. I was glad I lived by myself, but I wished Mitchie was here… to just give me some sort of life, then I remembered-she took it away. Part of me wanted to hate her, but I would slap myself, knowing full well that I could never, never, NEVER hate her. I loved her; I still did. I wanted to shout it out. I wanted to tell her over and over that I still did. I wanted to beg her to take me back because she shut me out. Why was this happening to me? What did I ever do? I seemed to ask that a lot, to no one in particular. My eye caught the flashing light of my answering macchine. Every day I had a new message and every day a fragment of me held hope that Mitchie had called, but then again, why would she? I sighed, realizing it wasn’t here, but I played the messages anyway.

‘Honey, it’s your mother. Nicholas… I know you aren’t there right now, but when you get back, call me? Please? I’m really worried about you. I suppose your tired of hearing that, but I am. Your father is too. We all are, Nicholas. Just remember, if you need anything, call, okay? You’re my baby boy and I love you.’

I sighed, finding myself smiling slightly at my mother’s words. She always did make us happy. I ran a hand through my curls as the next message came on.

‘Hello Mr. Jonas. This is Dr. Martins and I’m calling on behalf of your last visit. We had realized that the depression pills we were about to prescribe won’t work with your insulin, so we need you to come in again. Thank you.’

I shut my eyes tight, letting out a heavy sigh. Depression. That’s all I needed.

‘Hey Nick, it’s Mike. Umm… I was just calling to check up on you. Abby kind of wanted me to tell you that Mitchie has a lot of free time… maybe you want to call her-’ that got my attention. I quickly opened my eyes to stare at the machine. ‘it might do both of you some good, just to talk. Anyway… it’s the same cell number, in case you do take that offer up. Call me back, dude. Bye.’ I blinked a few times, biting my lip. Could I call her? Should I call her? Would I call her? I couldn’t wallow in my self-pity any longer. It was bringing me into depression and the last thing I needed was to take pills for it and try to manage my diabetes. The answer to those three questions; yes, yes and…yes.

I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket and turned it on, watching the screen light up slowly. I ignored all the missed calls and texts, dialing the numbers I loved. I saw my fingers tremble and I felt my heart beat faster. Would she even answer? Did she even care? Abby wouldn’t tell Mike to call me if she wouldn’t have a slight chance of answering. I took a deep breathe, putting the phone up to my ear.

[Mitchie’s view]

I sat up slowly, stretching my muscles. I was kind of hungry. I hadn’t eaten since lunch yesterday and it was already after one. I shrugged it off, not bothering to care. I jumped slightly, hearing my cell phone vibrate on the nightstand. I stared at it for a moment, not caring to answer. I stood up and started to walk away slowly, that’s when I froze- ‘I’m Yours’ by Jason Mraz sounded quietly. I felt my heart beat faster realizing that that was Nick’s ringtone. I gulped, flinging myself to the phone and answering it quickly. What was I doing? I had no idea.

“Hello?” I asked breathlessly. There was a slight pause before I absolutely melted.

“Umm… Hi, Mitchie?” It was him. It was him.

“Hi,” I whispered, not able to find my voice.

“I uh, I had some free time and I thought I’d see how you were. How New York was….”

“Oh. Right. Um- New York is great. I’m okay. What about you? California…” I grimaced.

“It isn’t too bad. I miss Jersey, though,” he said quietly. I so badly missed that voice. “I uh, I was actually going to fly over to New York tomorrow and I was wondering if you wanted to hang out? Catch up?”

My heart pounded at his request. He actually wanted to see me? To talk to me after what I had done? Oh, thank god!

“Really? That’d be great, actually. I’m not busy at all tomorrow…” or any day as far as your concerned. I’d make my life absolutely empty if I could just see him smile again. To just see those deep eyed. “You probably need my address…”

“Right,” he chuckled slightly, sending my ears into heaven. Maybe I was being dramatic about all of this, but he was perfect. I missed him.