The Torn Black Parade

(Gerard POV) - Still Sept 11

"GERARD!", Mikey screamed as he finally found in the mass of people. "I'm sorry Mikey.. This is the worst birthday present ever..", I mumbled. "Gee you should come home. We should call Mom" he said sounding concerned. I know he was afraid I was going to drink. I was afraid of that too. I closed my eyes to the burning scene. "Goodbye my Angel" I whispered to the air, but I know he heard it.

As soon as we walked through the door, we called my Mom who was crying even more hysterically than Mikey was. "It's ok Mom. I took off from work today..." She started to calm down after I had repeated myself about a million times. She told me they weren't going to let her leave early and asked me to take care of Mikey. Of course I agreed.

And that's when the emotions started to set in, the realization to the fact I wasn't going to see him again. "Umm Mikey I'm going down to my room.. okay?" He knew why and nodded his head but then spoke, "Gerard.. just please don't hurt yourself" I was taken back by his plead. "I promise Mikes, I won't"

I slumped onto my bed and let my thoughts devour me, which they did. They took over my senses, my sight, my hearing, my sense of smell, feeling, and taste. I could see him laying next to me and watch his smile light up the room, I could smell his expensive Chanel Cologne and the scent of his shampoo off his hair, I could feel his breath on my neck and his hand in mine, I could taste the sweet flavor of his kiss......

I shot up off my bed. "DAMN IT!!" I shouted. I picked up the closest thing to me, which happened to be the house phone, and threw it straight at the wall shattering it. My bedroom door creaked open, "Gee? Are you okay?" I couldn't help it, I was just so mad at the time.. I would never yell at Mikes never hurt him but I did. I didn't think. I marched up the wooden steps and watched my brother back up to the wall of the hallway. "AM I ALRIGHT? DO I LOOK O-FUCKING-KAY TO YOU?!" "Gerard, I just thought-" "I DON'T NEED YOU TO LOOK AFTER ME MIKEY. I DON'T NEED ANYONE, ESPECIALLY AN ANNOYING LITTLE FUCK OF A BROTHER"

And thats when I did it. That's when I snapped. I flung my hand, knocking his glasses to the ground. My mind went back to normal as soon as I saw my baby brother's nose bleeding, his body huddled together. I picked up his glasses, shattered. Then the tears came, "Mikey.. oh Mikey I'm sorry. I'm sorry.." He didn't respond, He didn't look at me. He stared at the wall, unmoving, unblinking. I placed my hand on his shoulder, he flinched. "Mikey! I'm sorry!", that's all I could say.

I could hear his voice in my head. "This is what you do. I died and you beat up your little brother. You raised him, Gerard. He' still a kid. Look at him, he's shaking he's so scared of you." I know, Stan.. I'm pathetic...

"Mikes, I shouldn't have touched you, I shouldn't have yelled at you. Since Stan is gone.. You mean the most to me in this world, I don't want to lose you because of my own mistakes." He picked his head up off his knees. He looked up at me, his eyes like glass. "You can't do this Gerard. You can't hurt yourself like this! I'm going to my room, and don't bother me! I try to help you and this is what I fucking get!" I didn't know what to say to him, I just sat there staring at him as he stomped up the stairs.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I didn't move from that spot for two hours. I just sat there, staring at the stairs. How could I hurt him like that..? I blinked as I felt tears forming in my eyes as I thought of him hurt with blood seeping onto his shirt. I need to see if he's okay. I haven't heard a peep out of him, and all I've been doing is sitting here. I slowly picked my crumbled body off the floor, and headed up the creaking stairs. I saw the bathroom door open a crack.

"Mikey?" My voice sounded so unfamiliar to me. "Go away.." I heard him say like an innocent little child. I took a few steps into the room and saw him with blood all over his face. I took a dry cloth that was near the sink and placed it under the faucet with lukewarm water. I took the damp cloth in my hand and knelled next to him. I gently wiped the blood off his chin.

"Gerard, I can clean myself up" He said with no emotion in his voice. "Mikes, I'm sorry ok? I wish I hadn't hurt you but I did, I wish Stan was coming back but he's not. We can't change these things.."

He nodded, and closed his eyes as tears started to fall. He suddenly leaned into me and pressed his face into my chest as he sobbed away his pain and hurt. "I'm sorry Mikey, I'm sorry..."

~*That Night*~

Mom had no idea about what had happened, Mikey forgave me and we got him cleaned up. Right now I was sitting in my room with my sketchbook in front of my and a Sharpie in my hand. I had to do something with my life. I have to make a difference, its what Stan always wanted me to do. A part of me wanted it too, to help people. I don't know what's so special About me.. I mean I'm nothing. I'm a wasted slob, that forgets when he last took a shower and drinks his problems away. What a great fuckin person I am.

I felt my hand starting to move almost on its own, as words formed on the paper in front of me. They came from somewhere inside me, from him. When I finished I read them aloud to myself.

" You're not in this alone
Let me break this awkward silence
Let me go, go on record
Be the first to say I'm sorry
Hear me out,

And if you take me down
Or would you lay me out
And if the world needs something better
Let's give them one more reason now, now, now

We walk in single file
We light our rails and punch our time
Ride escalators colder than a cell
This broken city sky like butane on my skin
stolen from my eyes
Hello Angel, tell me where are you
Tell me where we go from here

Tell me we go from-

And in this moment we can't close the lids on burning eyes
Our memories blanket us with friends we know like fallout vapors
Steel corpses stretch out towards an ending sun, scorched and black
It reaches in and tears your flesh apart
As ice cold hands rip into your heart
That's if you've still got one that's left inside that cave you call a chest
And after seeing what we saw, can we still reclaim our innocence
And if the world needs something better, let's give them one more reason now

This broken city sky like butane on my skin
stolen from my eyes
Hello Angel, tell me where are you
Tell me where we go from here

Tell me we go from here....."