The Pages All Look Torn and Frayed
How could a Fist Fight be Romantic?-
“I will fucking kill him.”
Those were the last words I heard from Brett’s mouth before he left me on the curb while he speeded off to the venue. I had my arms wrapped around myself to try to hold in my depleting warmth. He has said that I couldn’t go with him, but I wasn’t allowed back in the bar either. I constantly looked back at the bar, wishing to could enter the warm haven inside and pollute myself even farther. But I did as he said and stood by the curb waiting for my ride back to my bus.
So here I am, sitting in a rent-a-car with Bert as he took his sweet time getting back to the venue. Honestly, I didn’t mind the car ride; it was the way he was so quiet that bothered me. Brett had called him for me, and now I know that Bert knows why he had to pick me up. And Brett was right; they all knew me as the drug free activist who wouldn’t dare pick up poison for a million dollars. And here I am, willing to give my soul just for a sip of that delectable substance. I feel like such a filthy drunk.
I leaned my head against the frosted window while closing my eyes. I breathed slowly, trying to take in the oxygen around me which reeked of fast food and that ‘new car scent’. I ignored the bumps we hit, causing my head to lightly smack up against the solid window. I felt the car tug to a stop and I hesitantly opened my weary eyes. I was faced with bright fluorescent lights shining deep into my eyes. I winced, unaware of my surroundings. “Where are we?” I muttered softly while sitting up.
“The gas station. Do you want a drink?” He asked while pulling the keys from the ignition. I knew he meant something like water, but I wanted to blurt out ‘vodka’ or something profound like that. My stomach was still twisting at the lack of food and the amount of alcohol swimming through me.
“Green tea?” I asked politely. He nodded while pulling himself from the car. It shook lightly when he slammed the door behind him.
Nothing would be able to erase what happened tonight. No amount of pills, booze, or denial would take it away. I don’t know where Brett went, and I don’t really care to know. I know he probably went to hurt Gerard somehow. Honestly, I know Brett, and he isn’t going to kill him just for hurting me. He’s always hated Gerard, ever since we were teenagers, and this is just something to add to the pile.
I didn’t want to drink. Honestly. But I felt like everywhere I went, people would see my pain written across my face. I felt like they looked down on me with disgust and wanted me as far away from them as possible. And really, I don’t know if Gerard is cheating on me. I wanted an excuse to tell myself to make me feel like I wasn’t a complete failure of a girl friend. But I started to believe that my own made up lies may have been true. Why else is he always gone?
I guess you could say that Frank helped to push me to drink. Not on purpose, of course. That day Frank called me oblivious really made me think. It made me pull up harsh and horrible questions that I never wanted to ask myself. His words stung the very pits of my stomach and soul, making me squirm in discomfort. I figured one drink would melt my issues off the face of the earth. But one drink lead to another.
“Here ya go.” Bert said as he climbed back into the car. I gratefully took my drink from him and hurriedly unscrewed the cap. I downed a sip and was surprised when all I felt was a cool sensation running down my throat. I had gone so long with having every drink burn its way to my stomach. This was a nice change. I screwed the cap back on, and held it firmly in my grasp while leaning my head against the window once more. I felt almost completely relaxed, even the sound of Bert’s phone ringing didn’t phase me.
“Hello? Your kidding me? Shit, yea, we’ll be there soon.” He said while hanging up. I let my eyes stay closed as he muttered under his breath.
“Fuck.” He yelled while chucking his phone across the car, hitting my leg. I winced, but didn’t want to pull myself from my relaxed state.
My body slammed against the side of the car roughly. That caused me to open my eyes in shock.
“God Bert! Tell some one before your make a turn like that!” I shouted, trying to compose myself as he raced down the road. The once silent engine roared to life, buzzing loudly as the asphalt passed us quickly. “Where are we going in such a hurry?” I asked sarcastically. His eyes were glued to the road ahead. “Brett and Gerard and in the hospital.” He replied quickly, those words making my stomach drop.
-_-_-_-
I jumped from the moving vehicle way before it had time to stop. My heart was pounding in the base of my ear drums and my adrenaline was pushing my body into the emergency room and to the front desk. I slapped my hand against the counter, making the obviously tired nurse wake from her light slumber. She jumped slightly then looked up at me through small wired glasses.
“Can I help-“
“Where are Brett Green and Gerard Way?” I practically shouted to her. She looked a bit stunned at my harshness but turned to her computer, typing things in before turning her attention back to me.
“Brett Green is fine, ma’m. Just had to get a cut patched up. But Gerard Way is in critical condition.” She said clearly. My tears started to fog my vision and my world started to spin. Brett couldn’t have, could he? He wouldn’t have, would he?
He couldn’t have killed Gerard.
Those were the last words I heard from Brett’s mouth before he left me on the curb while he speeded off to the venue. I had my arms wrapped around myself to try to hold in my depleting warmth. He has said that I couldn’t go with him, but I wasn’t allowed back in the bar either. I constantly looked back at the bar, wishing to could enter the warm haven inside and pollute myself even farther. But I did as he said and stood by the curb waiting for my ride back to my bus.
So here I am, sitting in a rent-a-car with Bert as he took his sweet time getting back to the venue. Honestly, I didn’t mind the car ride; it was the way he was so quiet that bothered me. Brett had called him for me, and now I know that Bert knows why he had to pick me up. And Brett was right; they all knew me as the drug free activist who wouldn’t dare pick up poison for a million dollars. And here I am, willing to give my soul just for a sip of that delectable substance. I feel like such a filthy drunk.
I leaned my head against the frosted window while closing my eyes. I breathed slowly, trying to take in the oxygen around me which reeked of fast food and that ‘new car scent’. I ignored the bumps we hit, causing my head to lightly smack up against the solid window. I felt the car tug to a stop and I hesitantly opened my weary eyes. I was faced with bright fluorescent lights shining deep into my eyes. I winced, unaware of my surroundings. “Where are we?” I muttered softly while sitting up.
“The gas station. Do you want a drink?” He asked while pulling the keys from the ignition. I knew he meant something like water, but I wanted to blurt out ‘vodka’ or something profound like that. My stomach was still twisting at the lack of food and the amount of alcohol swimming through me.
“Green tea?” I asked politely. He nodded while pulling himself from the car. It shook lightly when he slammed the door behind him.
Nothing would be able to erase what happened tonight. No amount of pills, booze, or denial would take it away. I don’t know where Brett went, and I don’t really care to know. I know he probably went to hurt Gerard somehow. Honestly, I know Brett, and he isn’t going to kill him just for hurting me. He’s always hated Gerard, ever since we were teenagers, and this is just something to add to the pile.
I didn’t want to drink. Honestly. But I felt like everywhere I went, people would see my pain written across my face. I felt like they looked down on me with disgust and wanted me as far away from them as possible. And really, I don’t know if Gerard is cheating on me. I wanted an excuse to tell myself to make me feel like I wasn’t a complete failure of a girl friend. But I started to believe that my own made up lies may have been true. Why else is he always gone?
I guess you could say that Frank helped to push me to drink. Not on purpose, of course. That day Frank called me oblivious really made me think. It made me pull up harsh and horrible questions that I never wanted to ask myself. His words stung the very pits of my stomach and soul, making me squirm in discomfort. I figured one drink would melt my issues off the face of the earth. But one drink lead to another.
“Here ya go.” Bert said as he climbed back into the car. I gratefully took my drink from him and hurriedly unscrewed the cap. I downed a sip and was surprised when all I felt was a cool sensation running down my throat. I had gone so long with having every drink burn its way to my stomach. This was a nice change. I screwed the cap back on, and held it firmly in my grasp while leaning my head against the window once more. I felt almost completely relaxed, even the sound of Bert’s phone ringing didn’t phase me.
“Hello? Your kidding me? Shit, yea, we’ll be there soon.” He said while hanging up. I let my eyes stay closed as he muttered under his breath.
“Fuck.” He yelled while chucking his phone across the car, hitting my leg. I winced, but didn’t want to pull myself from my relaxed state.
My body slammed against the side of the car roughly. That caused me to open my eyes in shock.
“God Bert! Tell some one before your make a turn like that!” I shouted, trying to compose myself as he raced down the road. The once silent engine roared to life, buzzing loudly as the asphalt passed us quickly. “Where are we going in such a hurry?” I asked sarcastically. His eyes were glued to the road ahead. “Brett and Gerard and in the hospital.” He replied quickly, those words making my stomach drop.
-_-_-_-
I jumped from the moving vehicle way before it had time to stop. My heart was pounding in the base of my ear drums and my adrenaline was pushing my body into the emergency room and to the front desk. I slapped my hand against the counter, making the obviously tired nurse wake from her light slumber. She jumped slightly then looked up at me through small wired glasses.
“Can I help-“
“Where are Brett Green and Gerard Way?” I practically shouted to her. She looked a bit stunned at my harshness but turned to her computer, typing things in before turning her attention back to me.
“Brett Green is fine, ma’m. Just had to get a cut patched up. But Gerard Way is in critical condition.” She said clearly. My tears started to fog my vision and my world started to spin. Brett couldn’t have, could he? He wouldn’t have, would he?
He couldn’t have killed Gerard.