The Pages All Look Torn and Frayed

I ran my hand over my face, most likely smearing my makeup, but I didn’t care. My tears would take care of that later anyways. I tried to give Mikey a weak smile as he walked by, tears visibly filling his hazel eyes. I looked back down as he left the room; I wasn’t ready to see her.

“This isn’t right.” Someone said while wrapping their arm around my shoulder, leaning against me slightly. I looked up at Bert, as he just looked back down at me solemnly. His black tie that was on his white button up shirt was loosened while a black blazer hung clumsily on his shoulders.
“I know.” I muttered back, watching as everyone took their turns grieving her before leaving for the sanctuary. Once everyone was in the sanctuary, they would bring her body in and place it at the front. So if people wanted to leave a flower or a picture for her, they could.

Bert sighed deeply and dropped his arm from my shoulder.
“I need a beer.” He sighed again before walking from the room. I just shook my head at him and walked up to see her body for the last time. I stood behind Aaron Gillespie and just patiently waited for my turn. I couldn’t let myself cry, I felt like my heart was shattering, but my eyes wouldn’t let me cry. I felt like this was all just some dream, and that soon I would wake up and she would be there, getting ready to perform in front of everyone.

Aaron turned around slightly and tried to give me a sympathetic smile.
“Hi Holly,” He said politely while giving me a small hug. He pulled away a tried to brush tears back quickly, like he didn’t want people to see the pain we are all feeling.
“Hey Aaron,” I said back, feeling a bit awkward. I haven’t seen him in years, and this is not the greatest way to reunite. He turned back around and walked up to her casket, looking down painfully at her. He wiped his eyes again, and walked on, heading out of the room and most likely to the sanctuary.

It was my turn, and I swear this couldn’t be any harder. I painfully took my steps forward, but closed my eyes, almost scared. I opened them again once I knew I was standing face to face with the casket. I pried my heavy lids open and looked down.

There she was.

She looked exactly the way she would have wanted. Her family wanted her in some pink dress, but I told the people in the morgue to never put such a filthy color on her. I bought a black dress with spaghetti straps. It came down past her knees and had red lining it. Just like the dress worn in the music video for ‘Helena’. She always was in awe of that dress when the video would come on, and this is just perfect for her. But I would have much rather seen her alive with the dress on. Dancing and singing on stage as the dress twirled around her body gracefully.

She looked do peaceful.

“I'm so sorry no one is dancing. I'll always miss you and love you dearly."
I took a deep breath before walking out so Bob would say his final words as well. I felt like everything was in such a daze. Like everything around me was going by in a blur, and I was just stuck here moving in slow motion. I sighed heavily and continued to walk into the sanctuary. I walked in past the double doors and down the rows of pews until I got up to the front. I sat down and just watched as the pastor came onto the stage.

By now everyone was in the room and so was Rachel. Her casket was up in the front surrounded by various red flowers. I watched as Amanda slowly stood up and took her place up front. I listened intently to everything she said, watching her tears reflect off of the lights shining down on her. I stared up at the pictures of Amanda and Rachel playing on the screen behind Amanda. All the moments they spent laughing and just having fun. I missed seeing her like that.

She wrapped up her speech and came back down, sitting next to Kayley again before furiously dabbing at her eyes. I knew it was my turn to go up, but Lord knows I don’t want to. There is so much I want to say, I have to say, but I just cant see myself ever saying them. I walked up and took my place behind the podium and just sighed before clearing my throat.

"Today is such a tragic day. We all lost someone so dear to us. I remember when we where fifteen just rocking out to My Chemical Romance. That day she wanted to be something by starting a band. She was so passionate about it." I said slowly. I stopped briefly while looking around at all the people.

“Rachel wanted to prove everyone wrong, showing them that she could become something with music. She did prove everyone wrong and I am so proud of her and always will be. She was always there for me when I needed her the most. I never thought she would die so young. I'm at a lost for words, she meant the world to me. I always told her I would die if she died, that won't happen anytime soon. I plan to carry out her memory the way she wanted to be. This day will forever be in our hearts and so will her life. Rest in peace Rachel Romance. Though you’re dead and gone, believe me, your memory will carry on." I said, choking on tears as I pushed out the last few words.

I looked up again before slowly making my way back to my seat. I sat down next to Jepha and just sighed, letting a few sobs rack through my body. I was expecting her to get up out of the casket and laugh at all of us for believing her joke. But this was the real deal. I expected her to pop up out of her eternal rest and start to dance, just like in ‘Helena’. But that was just a stupid wish that wasn’t going to happen.

I always thought that me and her would grow up together. That one day we would settle down and live next to each other. That our kids would play together and we would always have dinner at each others house. But now its all crashed down into nothing but worthless debris.

She didn’t want us to be depressed on this day.
But how can we be happy over something like this?