The Pages All Look Torn and Frayed

The faint smell of coffee aroused me from my uncomfortable slumber. My eyes slowly fluttered open, the blurry scenes around me starting to become clear. I brought my hand up to wipe the sleep from my eyes as a yawn escaped my mouth. I lifted my weary body up and immediately regretted it when a pounding sensation pulsated through my brain. I winced at the sudden amount of pain in me and just fell back into a laying position.
“Ow!” Someone called when I fell back down. I managed to sit up again and look behind me to see that I was lying on Mike’s stomach. I rose and eyebrow as I felt someone move gently on my stomach. I saw Amanda lying with her head against my worn out body, with Jepha lying across her body. My legs were propped up against Mikey’s back. We were all basically lying over each other, mostly craving warmth. I grabbed a pillow from the couch above my head and placed it on my stomach under Amanda’s head. I slipped out of everyone’s grips and stumbled into the kitchen area.

“Morning Sunshine.”

I stopped and started to rub my eyes vigorously to clear my blurred vision. I smiled at Bob who was standing by the coffee machine, pouring himself a full mug of the steaming liquid. I nodded to his statement, not exactly feeling up to talking just yet. My throat was sore and my voice was hoarse.
“Want some coffee?” He asked politely. I nodded my head before sinking into a chair. He opened the cabinet above him and pulled out a glass mug and started to pour the coffee in it. I reached my hand out when he was finished and gripped the porcelain firmly, afraid that my shaking hands would deny me my poison. I sipped at the coffee greedily, letting the boiling liquid burn its way down my throat. It started to warm me from the inside out, taking its precious time to make me fully aware of reality.

“So, how many drinks did you have last night?” Bob asked while taking another sip from his glass. I shrugged while sitting the mug on the table. He just giggled lightly, causing me to feel slightly stupid. I glanced up at him, trying to find my voice.
“What?” I croaked. He just smiled.
“I’ve never seen you with a hang over.” He laughed. I just glared at him until his laughing ceased.
“Did you drink last night?” I mumbled. He shook his head.
“No, I didn’t know you guys had a party last night. I just came on here because I knew they had a working coffee machine.” He replied.

I nodded to his reply and finally dared to ask the question that had been plaguing my mind for hours. Honestly, it’s the reason I drank so much last night. I didn’t drink because it would be fun, I drank to get away from my tormenting thoughts; the thoughts of Gerard being away from me. Possibly dead or with another girl. I could always just picture him on the cold concrete with his face smashed in. A puddle of his own blood to keep him company. Or with some other girl as they had a good time in some hotel room down town. I wanted away from all of those images, so I just poured whatever drink I could find into my system.

“Where is Gerard?” I asked wearily, almost afraid of Bob’s answer.
“The bus. He’s still asleep.” He said while standing up.
“Where was he last night?” I dared to question.
“I don’t know.” Bob replied quickly before exiting the room. “I’ll see you later.” He called as the bus door opened and closed. I sighed and knew something was up. I shouldn’t let it bother me, I mean, we are all pretty busy now. Bob probably has places to be and interviews to have. I know that I have a photo shoot to get to today.

I stood up and felt that the coffee did a world of good for me. I walked steadily out of the bus and into the outside world. The bus was so dark and warm, reeking of vomit and alcohol. But outside was fresh and clean. I walked quickly to my bus, prying the door open and climbing inside, shutting it lightly incase someone was still sleeping. I crept around and pulled on some fresh clothes, and one of Gerard’s hoodies. I grabbed the rent a car keys they left for me and decided to just leave for my photo shoot.

I shoved the keys into the ignition of the car, hearing the engine roar to life. I shifted the gears and backed out of the parking lot. I kept the music off, not wanting to distract me more than I already was. I looked down at my cell phone when it started to ring. I grabbed it as I pulled up to a stoplight.

“Hey.” I answered.
“Hey Rachel, long time no talk.” I heard some overly cheery voice call into the phone. I furrowed my brows in confusion as I went through the list of people I knew, trying to match the voice to the person.
“Um, hi.” I said uneasily.
“Do you know who this is?” They asked.
“No.” I replied plainly.
“It’s Kitty.” She yelled into my ear. I winced, feeling my almost gone hangover start to rear its head again.
“Hi, whats up?” I asked while pulling into the parking lot. I shut the car off and started to climb out, wanting to get inside and get my pictures over with.
“Have you seen Ly-z? Me and her were talking last night, then she just disappeared.” She said.
I shrugged to myself. “I don’t know, Gerard disappeared too after he performed.” I replied.
“Really, that’s weird, because she disappeared right after My Chem finished.” She said suspiciously. I felt my heart stop, hoping my worst fears haven’t come true.