Whisper in the Dark

Ever get the feeling that you don’t belong no matter where you go? Well, if that is not the case then you are lucky because that feeling sucks. Maybe that is not the only problem with my life, maybe that is the least of my problems, but it still sucks knowing that despite all that I have to go through I still don’t have true friends around me that help me through it. But that has been my life for a long time so it doesn’t bother me much anymore.

Well, to start my family is basically completely dysfunctional. Maybe not completely, but as far as I am concerned, my family does absolutely nothing right. I am the middle child in a family with seven children. Yeah, I know; what were my parents thinking when they had seven children? My oldest brother Matthew is 20 something; I don’t even know how old he is because frankly I hate him. He made my life a living hell when he lived at home. Then comes the twins- William and Jeffrey- who are two years older than me which makes them 19 and in their first year of college. To be perfectly honest, I never really minded them so much because they were always at least semi nice to me but never really had much time for a little “emo” girl such as myself. I hated being labeled an emo even though that is the type of music I listen to. You don’t see me going around slitting my wrists and drawing tear drops on my face…. Okay so I have drawn tear drops on my face, but I never went out in public like that-it was only in my room behind my locked door. And the wrists? Yeah, I have done that, but it is because I knew my family would never have even cared. And they didn’t-no one noticed that I wasn’t eating and that the black wristband had taken up permanent residence on my left arm.

But that is beside the point. I guess for all intents and purposes I am an “emo girl” but I am certainly not the stereotype. Anyway, two of my little brothers are twins also- Dominic and Fredric are two years younger than I am. They are supposedly the perfect little kids ever- perfect grade and manners and girlfriends and athleticism. The whole bit, but I knew that they were really spawns of Satan if I ever saw some. Although, why would anyone believe a little emo loser like me? Talk about the story of my life. And then, of course, there is Anthony, the baby of the family. He is too old to be considered a baby, being twelve years old, but that doesn’t stop anyone from saying it. I hated it. I was the only girl for crying out loud! That should have counted for something.

My family was the perfect family minus me though, so I should not be surprised that I had no special privileges. They were all the stupid stuck-up rich snobs that everyone pretended to like until they were not around them. Then all of the gossip and talking behind their backs was the only thing ever noticed. Not that my family has any idea that no one actually likes them. Come on though, give me a break. They are the most obnoxious and egotistical people I have ever met. And trust me; in the neighborhood that I currently reside, there are many, many stuck-up rich people.

It is no wonder they never tried to include me in any of the activities that they partake in. Honestly, it is like I don’t even exist which, if you ask me, is not really that bad. The only part that I don’t like though, is that my school is just like my family- stuck-up and snobby, not to mention rich. So all of my “friends” are really no more than pitying fakes. They realized that my family is the most well to do family so they befriended me for their own self image. The shallow, wannabe losers will do nothing more than marry into a rich family and have kids just like them and the cycle will continue.

My story really starts a few days before my junior year of hell was supposed to start. All of my school supplies were ready, not that I did any of the shopping for myself. Heaven forbid, I might just get notebooks and pencils that I actually liked as apposed to the stupid ponies and butterflies that always end up with blood red sharpie scribbled all over them anyway.

Anyway, my parents came into my room, something that they never ever did because they had always been super scared of what they would find in there (such as dead bodies and a big alter to worship Satan which so is not the case, by the way). My walls are crimson red and black, one wall covered entirely with band posters such as Bullet for My Valentine, Three Days Grace, Aiden, The Used, Silverstein, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Alesana, Apocalyptica, many bands that most people have never heard of. But whatever, the point is that they fear me and what lies in my room so they usually stayed clear.

So I knew that the news that they were baring was going to be monumental just because they did not have the butler or maid (yeah, that is how rich the pricks are) come to make me meet them in the study. Which just to let you know, I could never ever get any studying or reading done in there because the place is so stiff and just plain awkward. So they came into my room trying to suppress their happiness. I knew that that meant I would not like the news, come on something that made all of us happy? Please, don’t hold your breath.