Whisper in the Dark

“I'm curious, did you have friends back home?”Hanley asked the next morning at breakfast. “I mean, I know that you hated it back there, but you had to have had someone that was your friend.”

“Han, you are my first true friend. I had those fake friends all my life. You know, they were only friends with me because they knew that my family would help their self image. They hated me because I was different and not afraid to be, but they would pretend to be there for me just because they knew it would help them. I didn’t ever listen when they talked and they never listened when I talked so I stopped talking. What about you? Who wouldn’t like you?”

“Try everyone, Pete. Things were no different then than they are now. No one tried to get close to me because they feared that I was a ticking time bomb on the verge of exploding. They felt that if they got too close I would try to kill them or something equally as stupid as that. But it never really matter to me because I knew who I was and didn’t care what anyone said.”

“You and I are going to get along very well,” was all I said. It was all I needed to say. We were practically inseparable already and we had only known each other for like a day and a half.

“You know, there is one person that I am kind of fond of,” Hanley told me thoughtfully. “Do you want to meet her?”

Oh God, a girl? And I thought that I would be able to get somewhere with him. Well, I didn’t really think so, but I had hoped. I shoved that out of my head and of course made a stupid comment. “Oh, a lady friend is it?” I even wagged my eyebrows suggestively. What was wrong with me?

“No,” he laughed. “She is one of the English and art teachers here. She knows where I’m coming from. I figured you would like her too, so what do you say? She should be in her classroom getting things ready for the year.”

How stupid I felt. Why did my mouth always have to be detached from my brain? It seems like no matter how hard I try I am always saying something that sounds obnoxiously stupid and naïve or just plain moronic. No wonder he would never think of me in that way; I am a complete freak. Even more so than I thought.

“Hey Pete, are you okay? Are you still with me?” Hanley was waving a hand in my face trying to get my attention.

Why do I always make myself so stupid? Usually I was able to carry on a conversation like a normal human being. The things this boy did to me in such a short time. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I was just thinking. I’d love to meet her; English and art are my favorite subjects.”

So we went out on our little adventure to meet the mysterious Miss Applebaum who would apparently become my favorite teacher. And when I saw her I knew that I would like her. She had long black hair that fell over her back almost to her waist, bright blue eyes, and a Ramones shirt on. How awesome is that? She liked The Ramones and her hair was obviously died black. She seemed like she would be more of a student than a teacher, but she was in her mid twenties I guessed so she was too old to be a student.

“Miss A!” Hanley greeted warmly, giving her a warm hug, pulling my gut in weird ways that I did not like at all. “I have a new friend that I’d like you to meet. This is Pete.”

“Hey Pete, it’s great to meet you!” Miss Applebaum welcomed warmly, giving me a hug straight away. “It’s about time that my little Hanley found a girl worth him time. You seem like a very good fit for him.”

I almost blushed at that, almost being the key word. I don’t do that kind of stuff, but if I did I would have blushed a very dark color. “Oh, I’m not his girlfriend, I’m him roommate. They were short on rooms so they put me with him.” I didn’t mention that I wished I was his girlfriend, but looking into her eyes I knew that I didn’t need to- she knew.

“So, do you like art and English Pete?”

“Oh I love both! Reading and looking at art gives me a whole new world to delve into. Not to mention writing and drawing are a way to give my life meaning. I can do whatever I want with no limitations.” It surprised me that I would so readily give out this information to a woman that I barely knew, but she seemed to know exactly what I was talking about.

After spending a few hours with her, helping to get the room ready, Hanley and I left to get lunch. The weird feeling in the pit of my stomach only intensified when he grabbed my hand as we walked down the hall. I knew what it was and I didn’t like the fact that he could get to me so easily. That was not who I was- I was supposed to be the indifferent and untouchable emo girl (yeah, I know I just labeled myself). Instead, Hanley was changing me and he didn’t even know it at all.

So I pushed it all away and pretended that I was not affected so drastically by this boy, especially because he was my roommate. And it worked surprisingly well. I was, after all, the girl that could become numb at the drop of a hat. I had become very good at looking and feeling as if I was merely going through the motions and really felt absolutely nothing about any given situation. Too bad every time he touched me my stomach flipped and I had to find my numb feeling all over again. But I would get better at that, I told myself.